Karma?, long and deep but kind funny

[Hillbilly Housewife]

About 7 years ago I had a "fight" with my grandmother (my father's mother) during which a TON of dirty laundry was aired out.

It started when she shared with me some intimate details of my parents' divorce. I called my father and advised him that she made me aware of his private details. He called his mom and told her he didn't appreciate her dishing out the goods to me.

about 2 months after this, I saw her at a family reunion, where she made a comment along the lines of "you just couldn't help but to go tell your dad, could you" in front of several family members.

I told her that her comment was uncalled for,I didn't appreciate it, and I walked away.

One of my aunts ran after me and said that we needed to settle whatever this little exchange was about. I told her that it was none of her business, and I wasn't going to get into it. My grandmother is meanwhile taunting me, calling me a liar, and that nobody would believe me anyway... so I went back into the room, and we shut the door.

Of all the family members who were in the room, only 4 aunts remained, as well as myself and my grandmother.

She started in on how awful a person I was, because I called my father and told him a bunch of lies, that she never said these things to me, and that I was a liar. I asked her why I would bother to call my father and tell him made up stuff about his own divorce? I was 10 when it happened, I knew nothing about any of the finances etc... details which she had told me. She said she never spoke of anything of the sort, and I was lying.

I asked why my father would call her to tell her he didn't appreciate her having shared those details with me if she hadn<t told me? She said that no, she wrote our conversation in her notebook. That's not how the conversation went. I said she was right, that there was a lot more nasty talk about my mother than I'd shared with my father... she said I was lying. She said again, IN FRONT of everyone else in the room (my 4 aunts) that the conversation was about how my mother was a b-tch and how she screwed over my father. I said exactly... the details of which my parents never shared with me. She said i was lying.

I asked her how I could know about the financials my mother negotiated with her divorce, my father's income, pension, etc etc... if she hadn't told me? She said my mother must have told me.

The thing is... after this initial convrsation, the one I called my father about, I was staying with one of the aunts in the room since I was from out of town... and she heard about it the day it happened. She could see I was upset after the visit, and she pulled it out of me, she's the one that told me I should call my dad... so she stepped up and told her mom that she remembers the day I came back to her place after this conversation, and remembers the things I said to my father...

so my grandmother just started in again on how nasty a person my mother is, blah blah blah. Because she left my dad. She just wanted his money. Blah blah blah.

I stopped her, and said that no - the reason my mother left my dad was because he beat her, he beat me, he beat my baby brother.. he was an alcoholic and a pothead... she'd left him before a few times but went back. She said I was lying, called me a liar several times, said nobody believes me. Said her son is a good man.

I said that I never said he wasn't a good man, but that the reasons my mother left my father were the violence, alcohol and pot. She again called me a liar.

Luckily, one of the other aunts in the room, happened to be one of the people my mother stayed with during the few times she left my dad.... and she told her mother that I was telling the truth, that my mom had stayed with her for several months when I was a baby, and again when I was 3, and again shortly before she left him for good... and she said that he was indeed an alcoholic.

My grandmother denied my father was an alcoholic. My other aunt stepped up and said that yes, my dad is an alcoholic.. so's her husband.. it doesn't make them bad people, but they are still alcoholics...

I said that this was years ago (the divorce took place 12 years before this "fight") and that I'd made my peace with my father, he was a different man now, not in the least violent... still an alcoholic and a pothead... but overall we talked quite often and got along well...

She was put in her place quite quickly by my aunts, who corroborated everything I said. She was made to look the fool, and fled the room. We didn't speak for the rest of the weekend.

Of course, being an enormous family (my father has 10 siblings... plus spouses and children... makes for about 60 people at a gathering) word spread that my grandmother and I had a big "fight".

One of my fathers sisters didn't take to it too well.

6 months later, my grandmother had a heart attack. She recovered. She was 70 something years old.

My father's sister blamed me for the heart attack. She hasn't spoken to me in 7 years. Her daughter has taken on her mom's hate-on towards me, and hasn't spoken to me for about 5 years.

Shortly after her heart attack, my grandmother and I settled our differences and I made it clear to her that I have a good relationship with my father, he is who he is, was who he was, and it's all in the past. She apologized and told me it's always difficult to hear your child is not perfect, but understands that sometimes people do things that nobody can explain, and left it at that. We made up.

This past weekend, I went to a cousin of mine's wedding.

In the past 7 years, this aunt who won't speak to me, as well as the rest of her immediate family, have had nothing but trouble after trouble... the daughter has some serious digestive issues, had three VERY difficult pregnancies, HER husband lost his job twice, my uncle now has only a few years to live, he's been diagnosed with some pulmonary thing and it's fatal, my other cousin has had some pretty serious heart issues and has had surgery, and she's had some surgeries recently herself due to some bursitis troubles. She also went menopausal when my grandmother had her heart attack. Of course, MY fault.

My entire family knows about this drama, and how this aunt and her immediate family completely shun me. They think it's stupid, and don't play along... At the wedding reception, it just so happened that my SO and I were seated at the table next to this particular aunt... I had my back to her husband, and my SO was seated with his back to my aunt... and my cousin and her DH and kids were seated at the table behind us... the 3 tables made a little triangle.. anyway, my aunt apparently got her period halfway through the dinner... which she hadn't had in 7 years... she of course, blamed it on me, because of being in such close proximity...

I couldn't help it... I really couldn't... but I overheard them, and turned to her to say "Karma's a b-tch, isn't it..." before turning back and clinking wine glasses with my SO.

She left in a huff... I swear, 3 minutes had not passed before she made her husband, her daughter and HER DH and kids leave... they all just... left the reception!

Everyone else in my family is cogniscent of the issues my father had and still has... and are all aware of the rift between this particular aunt and myself... and have overall acknowledge that I have taken the high road and always still been polite when I've spoken to her, only to be walked away from or having her back turn to my face... I've been nothing but polite and civil and accommodating. My grandmother included.

But I couldn't help pointing out the Karma.

[msoulz]

Wow, if you can cause women to have periods ... well, I am being very nice to you from now on!!!

Families issues are tough. Kudos to you for standing your ground and being yourself.

[luvbug00]

Gotta love family. I swear people make drama out of anything they can to make their lives interesting.
glad Karma took care of that one for ya