Family vent!

Sorry I need to get this out before I say too much to hubby. I've already made too many comments about this. We are supposed to go camping this coming weekend with all of Ryan's family. Well I hadn't heard from his sister about food menus for this coming weekend so I told him to call her. Well apparently my neice has been very sick. They thought she had bacterial meningitis which can be very scary. It turns out they said it wasn't that but that is is more than likely viral meningitis. Don't know what the difference is, but apparently it's not as scary. She's still really sick, but my SIL thinks my niece will be perfectly fine by Friday and they plan to come. Ok......so I told Dh to email her back and find out more and to let her know that we really don't want Megan around Kirsten knowing that she has some kind of virus, especially after Megan went through so much with Kawasaki Disease. That's how she got it, was from "some virus". So my SIL responds with how she understands our concern, that my niece wasn't diagnosed with anything exotic and it's "just a virus" and they are coming.

Seriously? She said "it's just a virus". HELLO LADY that's how my kid got KD and will forever have to have her heart monitored. I know I can't keep Megan in a bubble forever and obviously she's going to be exposed to all crap just going to school every day, but I do try to keep her away from people if they knowingly have a virus. I feel it's the least I can do. Even our pedi made us quarantine Kylie recently when she had strep throat as he didn't want her near Megan and risking the chance Megan would get it. So I'm not the only nut that takes things seriously with her.

I am just so angry that she said "well, it's not anything exotic, it's just a virus". I have tried and tried to educate his family on KD and they just don't get it.

I really don't want to go now, but DH says we are going. I won't be able to keep the girls from my niece either, and I know it's not fair to her as well. I'm just frustrated. My SIL could have at least been a little more sensitive about it.

First off I'm sorry that no one is listening. But I know just how you feel. What your going threw trying to describe and make people understand about Megans condition and making them take it seriously!

It's the same how it was when I had to get my mom to understand Mya's allergies. My mom would try to feed Mya the foods she was allergic to indirectly. Like she had chicken over zucchini once (Mya is allergic to zucchini.) She tried to feed it to Mya and I literally had to scream at her "are you trying to kill her?!!!" I mean seriously!
My moms reaction was...oh she'll be fine....

How does Ryan feel about this?
is he just saying your going because he doesn't want to deal with any drama that may arise?

You know i would be just as protective if I were you. There is a huge difference from bubbling your kid from everything vs protecting them from an obvious danger.

Thanks. Yeah, I remember the food allergy thing too , fortunately ours wasn't as serious, but still couldn't get people to listen with that.

I just sent my SIL an email explaining to her once again why we get concerned and how serious we take it. Heck, Megan needs a dental procedure done and her dentist won't even do it until the infectious disease doctor signs off that it's safe to be done without premeds and that she can be put under "twilight" to do it. So I'm not the only nut, her pedi doc is and so is her dentist.

This poor child can't even fight off poison ivy right now. She's already been on one steroid and we are waiting to hear back from the doc if she needs to go in for a shot or have another oral steroid because we can't get it to go away. frustrating to say the least.

Maybe me reiterating to her will guilt her in to at least taking the situation more seriously. I mean her words were "they think it's probably just viral". Um, well I want more info than "probably".

I think Ryan just wants us to go because this is the first time in a very LONG time the entire family has gotten together, and he already gets flack from me that his family doesn't even try to be active in our girls lives and the girls even complain to him that they never get to see his family. So....I see where he's coming from, but.......well you know. FWIW, we will see all of them at Christmas.

Sorry to hear about the situation, Karen, I seriously don't know what I'd do in this case because Idk enough about Megan's issues to know how dangerous it is. If you think there is bonafide danger then I guess I'd consider not going if I were you, maybe send Kylie with her dad and stay home with Megan and do a girls' weekend thing.
As for the poison ivy, try some hempseed oil, should make it go away within a day or two. Just a warning though--while it contains little to no THC (the psychoative that makes people high), it does bear the strong smell of Mary Jane but it works like a charm!

Is that stronger than tea tree oil? That's what we've been using as well.

it's not stronger per se, just different, it's known for treating skin conditions like poison ivy and it often heals them literally overnight.
Tea tree oil is a strong antiseptic but it won't do anything for poison ivy because it's not a septic condition, it's more of an allergic type reaction to a plant.
try the hemp...like I said, it won't make you high but the Mary Jane smell can be fierce, depending on how filtered and refined it is. I prefer mine unrefined and unfiltered so let's just say it brings back college memories....

I would not go at all

I would stay at home with Megan and let everyone else go. It's not worth your worry about it. I'm not sure how viral meningitis is spread, but it seems for lack of a better word, silly, to knowingly expose her to something while she is imunocompromised. I think you are being smart and protecting your kid.

I agree. After everything you went through with her being in the hospital...you don't want to go through all that again b/c the sil is being selfish!!

Obviously Megan has a weakened immune system because of the KD and therefore fighting anything off isn't as easy, your H's family needs to understand this as her getting sick isn't just as simple as a common cold as it is for most people.

:::hugs:::

I agree too! I would stay home, but maybe call SIL sometimes things (meaning, tone etc) are lost when typed rather than spoken.

I would not go. Period. I wouldn't even take Ashley and knowingly expose her to a virus that would make her sick, and she has a pretty healthy immune system. Absolutely no way would I take Megan if I were you. If I were you, I would tell Ryan he can go with his family, but the kids are staying home. I am sure it must be tough when no one understands, but you are the one that has to stand up for your kids, they can't do it themselves. ((((hugs))))

Karen, caleb had viral meningitis and it was bad. He was in so much pain, high fever and delirious. He was at the Hosp and poked and prodded.....I can't imagine how it might affect a child like Megan with what she's been thru.
Is there anyway you can stay home with Megan?
I'm sure it's hard but it's worse for Megan to get seriously I'll.

I agree as well! Let Ryan bring Kylie if he won't budge on going. Also I'd email your SIL and tell her that Megan got KD from "just a virus" and just because it isn't serious doesn't mean she should feel free to spread it around.

I agree as well! Let Ryan bring Kylie if he won't budge on going. Also I'd email your SIL and tell her that Megan got KD from "just a virus" and just because it isn't serious doesn't mean she should feel free to spread it around.

I did. Now my SIL says my niece is just fine. Very strange since day before she explained it completely different. I know you can't tell 100% someone's tone in an email, but hers was clear to both me and DH she thinks I'm overreacting.

I'm sorry your in such a situation. I'm sure Megan doesn't want to miss it too.
What have you decided to do.
I don't think your over reacting.

Well, Karen, I'd tell her that when it's her kid that's at risk then she can decide what kind of reaction is suitable but as long as it's your kid, it's your call and that's all there is to it.
I also think that if her kid is sick she should bow out and let everyone else enjoy their trip instead of pretending nothing is wrong and figuring that if something is, then it's not her problem anyway.
I'd send her an email saying that if she insists on bringing her child that is apparently carrying viral meningitis then you'll not be seeing her on this camping trip and that it's too bad that she has to ruin it for other people.
Meningitis btw, is quite serious. Years back when I worked in an emergency room and wanted to be a doctor, I held down quite a few kids for spinal tap who were being tested for meningitis and that looked terrible...no way would I ever entertain the thought of subjecting any kid of mine to that if I could help it.

I agree as well! Let Ryan bring Kylie if he won't budge on going. Also I'd email your SIL and tell her that Megan got KD from "just a virus" and just because it isn't serious doesn't mean she should feel free to spread it around.

I did. Now my SIL says my niece is just fine. Very strange since day before she explained it completely different. I know you can't tell 100% someone's tone in an email, but hers was clear to both me and DH she thinks I'm overreacting.

So over react. What ever. Who cares. I would rather over react now then have to react appropriately with her in the hospital. Its called being a responsible parent. Putting the needs of children who can't do it them selves ahead of your own wants and desires. WTG super MOM!

I wouldn't go either!

Are you?

I know it is tough for sure....

Ita with everyone else--don't go and don't apologize for doing what you think is the right thing by your kid.

And thanks Jen for the little tip about hempseed oil. I never heard of that, but we have major issues with poison ivy in this house every summer. I personally love the way weed smells--I always said I wished they made an air freshener with that scent. lol

As of now I'm still waiting to hear more about my niece, but Ryan is adamant we go. He says we just won't have my niece stay with us in our camper and we'll do everything we can to keep them apart. I dunno. I'm hoping by Saturday everything will be fine. My SIL and her family can NOT come because it's my BIL's parents we are going to for my niece's birthday. We only get to see my niece a couple times a year. I know I should keep her at home. I called our pedi nurse, as she's like my life line for Megan these days and she said if my niece hasn't had a fever for over 24 hours she's ok to be around her. My niece hasn't had a fever in a few days.

How long do you think someone carries a virus but has no symptoms? The nurse said by Saturday we should be good if she has no symptoms now.

Do you trust your SIL to relay accurate information about your niece's condition?

I know it would be a disappointment that you and the kids would have to miss out, but personally I probably still wouldn't go as it isn't worth the risk.

Yes, and no Looking back at some of the emails the last few weeks, I'm wondering if she overreacted to begin with, ya know. I know I got an email from her less than 2 weeks ago telling me everything going on and there was no mention of my niece's illness. THEN all of a sudden we get the email I referred to above stating that she's been bedridden for two weeks and really sick and that she hopes she'll be ok for the trip. Then an email that she's all better. I would have thought if my niece was that sick two weeks ago she would have mentioned that in her first email, but who knows.

I know we probably shouldn't go, but I also know (and I know this shouldn't be the deciding factor) is Megan has been kept from a lot these last few months and being told "we can't because of this, we can't because of that, we have to do this to for this reason, etc" and I fear it will take a toll on her eventually. I know it's still NOT a reason to NOT go, I understand that because I know her health is more important than how she feels about not being able to do things. I think what I will do is we'll go, and not let my niece stay with us in our camper, and IF she remotely looks sick, even a sniffle, then Megan and I will just come back home. We can take my IL's car and they can ride back with Ryan and Kylie, or I'll take Kylie with me, even. I mean, we are going to be outside, and if I keep them away from each other, then I think we are fine outside. The problem is when we go to BIL's family's home for the party, that then, we won't be able to separate so easily and her and I just won't go.

I know Ryan won't put Megan in any danger, as well, he knows what is good for her or not, and so I'm going to put this situation in his hands (for the most part, with a few WARNINGS ) and trust him on this. He even said if the situation doesn't look good when they get there, he'll leave with us as well. We'll at least get one night of camping in with the rest of the family before they get there. She'll get to see one of her uncles she hasn't seen in a few years, so even that one night will be worth going, if we have to leave the next day when SIL gets there.

I guess the good news is we can leave, we have control of the situation and can leave if we feel like we should. When I send her to school every day I don't get that luxury of having control over the situation, kwim? She has three doctors right now that keep a close eye on her, so that's comforting too.

This post has been edited by coasterqueen on Jun 29 2011, 10:19 AM

From what you just said, it sounds like it would probably be ok. And since they're getting there the day after you then I think I'd do the same thing as you're planning. That way Megan gets to have the fun of camping for at least one day, and you can assess just how sick your SIL's daughter is when they get there, and not have to stay home and wonder if you could have gone.

I think you worked this out the best way possible!!!

Have a great time! Stay well kids!!!