potty training went in the toilet

ok, well Jakob has decided he never wants to go potty again. he isnt going in the toilet at all. we use the big potty and the ring.
I have tried everything. he is 3 yrs old and wont train.
we have been at this steady now for three weeks. and on and off since he was two.
I am frustrated.
I tried my last resort of standing up and having him pee on cheerios today and sure he likes to do it, but only when he feels like it and every time in between he is wet.
I am taking every 1/2 hour and he is wet.

he says he just doesnt want to and will do it on wed. thats his standard answer.
i have taken away his favorate shows, toys, nothing works.
I realize that his bladder might not be trained and he cant be held completely responsible, but is there a point where he gets punished for this?
I dont want to have a 4 yr old not potty trained.

I'm a HUGE believer that a 3 year old (all other health issues or disabilities aside) is plenty old enough to be potty trained.

Physically, they have control of their bladder when they can go up stairs one foot at a time. Refusal to do it anywhere but their diaper is just stubborness. I mean.. they get that they can go in the diaper.. and only in the diaper.. so they know that there is a "place" to do it... ya know?

I always took a no nonsense approach to it. Accidents happen - but blatant dismissal of needs is not something I tolerated very well. If there was an effort to get to the toilet the kid was not punished... otherwise, they need to go in the toilet and that's all there is to it. Establish a consequence, and make sure you follow through with it.

Be consistent. It's key.

I agree with Rocky!! Isabella turned to in August and just told us one day that diapers are for babies and that was the end of her being in diapers. Except at night and we sneak one on her because "they are for babies".

We didn't punishif she had accidents because they happen. Like Rocky said if there was an attempt to get to the potty than she didn't get punished.

Consistency is key!!

we take him every 30 mins and he only dribbles, hardly is able to make a stream, and then it seems sometime before the 30 mins is up he must go in his diaper, and at least last week, when he was going he would say, "i got to go potty" but it was to late he was going..but i thought at least he said he had to go and there were no number 2 accidents at all.
now he says "i'll do it wednesday" thats his answer to everything.

Great advice. Raygen will go pee in the potty but she will not go poop in the potty. She says she doesnt want to. So now everytime she poops in her panties she gets in time out. Its driving me nuts

That's typical though, when first realizing that they can control bodily functions. it's the one thing that they CAN control... so once they realize that they DO have control, they take advantage of that, and do it their way. You just need to be MORE stubborn. lol

I know it might be gross, but just don't put the diaper on. Put undies on. If he makes a mess, say that it's gross to pee on the floor, we pee in the toilet. Not that the pee itself is gross... but that the act of doing it in on the floor, couch, whatever, is. we don't want to get pee on the couch, or on the toys.. big boys pee in the toilet.

Or, you can always make him wash his own mess.

Put underwear on him all day long is my advice...........
No Diapers or pull ups

ITA with the undies only. When he is wet or poopy it will be a lot more uncomfortable than wearing that diaper. Then, when he figures out how nasty it is to be in pee-clothes, it will be more incentive. I would also make him help clean up any messes left on the carpet or what ever.
Just tell him that you have had enough training, and he is to big for diapers. End of story

Stacy I wonder if he would respond to those potty training videos? We checked out a couple of them from the library several times. We still sing some of the songs that are on the videos, and she still asks to see them. I honestly don't know if they helped or not, but she certainly remembers about wiping her bottom and washing her hands and the songs associated with that so someting sunk in.

we are totally in undies today and have had three accidents so far..he hasnt made it to the bathroom once.
and he is being made to take a shower each time, which he hated before and now doesnt seem to care.
has anyone had more luck with the potty chairs instead of the seat rings?

Erin did use the potty chair exclusively at home for a while even though at daycare they have a ring. She did seem to prefer it, which I can undersand since it is just her size.

Just keep at it. I don't consider little tinkles accidents.. because let's face it, as moms, a lot of us tinkle when we sneeze and/or laugh... and we deal with it... maybe put a liner in his undies if you're concerned about leakage.

When I say accidents, I mean the whole thing. Full on wetting the pants.

Tanner preferred the chair over the ring in the beginning. He liked that it was "his size", and when he would go he would get a sticker to put on the lid.

I agree with the undies...and once you put on the undies, do NOT go back to diapers again...they will only get more confused.

I also agree about the punishments too. He knows what he's doing and that would not be acceptable here. If you know how to go in the potty, then it's not a choice or option. Well, I suppose there is a choice...go potty or get punished. He was doing really well before, which tells you that he is perfectly fine to go in the potty.

I don't consider tinkles accidents either. If they tinkle a little, but then rush to the bathroom and finish in the toilet, that at least shows effort and willingness to use the potty...that is not punish worthy in my book. Tanner is 6, and he just did that the other day.

he has reverted back to not saying he has to go at all though so when he starts to go, he isnt telling us so we can finish in the bathroom..
and he has been in timeout all day.

we are going to get the potty chair tomorrow..
we have stayed in underware all day, but the messes are horrible. i have blankets and water proof pads all over the funiture..

keep at it. you have to be more sutborn than he is.

Stacy, this has always been a tough subject because for me, I have a degree in psychology and what do developmental psychologists say? They say to do it when they're ready...the caveat is that they may go to college in diapers if you don't get at least a little proactive about it.
My mom had me fully potty trained--day and night, 1 and 2--by get this, 12 months. She started as soon as I could sit up on my own, about 6 months and sat me there with 2 glasses, 1 empty and 1 full of water and poured back and forth to trigger my need to go and she said at times she felt like she'd pee her pants while I just sat and watched but by 12 months we were in business with very few accidents. My mom had no choice, however, there were no disposables, she had a total of six cloth diapers and no washer and dryer so they all had to be boiled or ironed and I was filling them faster than she could clean them, plus she was in school full time to get a post graduate degree so she took action out of necessity. I don't think the forced PT caused me any long term harm of any sort and I never had a bed wetting problem as a kid as some docs warn will happen if you force the issue. Now American peds will go if they hear my mom's PT story but she will likely tell you that it's the way to go.
That said, I wonder if watching Caleb, assuming that's ok with him would make Jake more interested, kids often learn this by watching each other...my godson was the same way, still in diapers at 3 till his mom put him in a daycare with kids his age...he watched the way they did it and was PT'd almost immediately.
Personally, I wouldn't give him the option of a diaper but IDK about punishments because in reality he may just not get the whole PT thing, kwim? My friend Pam's daughter, Brooke refused to poop in her diaper at 3 or maybe even 4, she'd ask for a diaper everytime she had to go and she'd refuse to go if a diaper wasn't handed over...one day Pam had just had it and in time Brooke got the message and stopped asking for a diaper.
It'll come in time, I think, but I'd try books or videos or something to get him interested. I agree with Rocky that it's probably a matter of being stubborn and tbh, it may be his way of trying to get control by refusing to yield.
I would probably try first to get his cooperation by getting him interested and if not, then I'd be more forceful.
By 3ish, sitting around in a dirty diaper is just a germ bacteria festering and could lead to infections and other problems.

Jennifer, I think thats always in the back of my mind, "does he really know what he is doing?" can he really understand and control it, is his body just slow at this? but honestly he is so sarcastic that sometimes i think he is playing me.
and lets face it I have to be the biggest push over mommy there is on these here boards!
i have to be the only one with a three yr old that doesnt sleep thru the night in the entire world.

we did time outs today and he certainly wasnt bothered by them, and then we tried showers but in the end, he said to me, I LIKE SHOWERS! so at least we conquered that fear.

we are going to get a potty chair and try that.
althoug for anyone keeping track, i swear today andrew was telling me he had to go! and he is 14 months old. if he trains before jake i am out of here!

well your not the only one with a 3yr old that woudl not sleep though the night. kaitlin had her days where she woudl but she just at about 4.5 really sleeping thought the night and even now she gets up some nights once, for either a drink or to use the bathroom.



as for the potty training I am sorry your having a hard time. I really dont have much advice for you. I hope the potty chair works better for you.

just one though something I did when traning Kaitlin have you asked him why he wont use the potty? I know it sounds dumb but i found out why Kaitlin woudl not use it when I just brought it up one day kinda out of no where and not made a big deal of it, just like hay why dont you like using the potty? (In a light tone) and she told me and that was what we needed to move foward.

yep! he told me why he wont use the potty!
he said he only uses it on wednesdays!

so tell him today is Wednesday....!

did you ask him while PTing or another time?

there has to be somethign more.

I think he knows perfectly well what he's doing. I think if he really wasn't "ready" you would not have had prior successes for a period of time. The trick is to outsmart the smartie pants and put your foot down. Does he know you are really disapointed in him? Perhaps if he sees that you are really sad about it, then he'll want to make you happy? I don't know what else to do at this point other than to just keep on being persistant. Maybe now he thinks because he turned 3, that now he can take a step back? Arg...you have a smart little stinker on your hands Stacy. Sorry for your frustrations.

yep, he is a smarty alright!
he isnt even trying at all now. if i take him continuously he is dry, but other wise he hasnt asked to go once in three days now.

I am wondering what happens if we just back off, or if this is the time to get strict. i told him I am really disappointed in him. that i was sure he was a big boy now that he was three.
and i told him that santa will not bring him big boy presents if a three yr old is peeing his pants.

we tried the "oh you stink and are dirty " when he has accidents.
he truely just doesnt care.