Jeanie's Journal, I mean it this time!!!

[mammag]

You guys have all motivated me to start anew so I went to the library and got a bunch of books to keep me motivated. I took my weight and measurements today and was thoroughly depressed! I have gotten back up to 128 which on my frame is not looking pretty.

Here are my goals....

Weight - 120
Waist - 2 inches
Hips - 4 inches
Thighs - 2 inches

As I was measuring I was taking a good look at myself and realized how gross I'm looking. I've become the dreaded skinny fat person! Sure I look okay to the normal person walking the street. But they don't see me without the clothes. I mentioned to my husband how gross my thighs were right now and I do believe I saw a "you are only now realizing this" look on his face. He certainly didn't disagree.

No matter, I will not let it get me down....I'm using that look for motivation. I have written myself a "dear me" letter with all the reasons I want to do it FOR MYSELF. The weight probably won't be too hard to drop, the reformation of certain parts will take longer.

So here goes let the lifestyle change begin!

[MyBrownEyedBoy]

What's your height? You forgot that measurment (although that one is hard to change).
Anyhow, congrats on your decision. I like the "Dear Me" letter idea. I may have to try that one myself.

[mammag]

I'm 5'3" most of the time. Although once I went to the doctor and they said 5'2.5" but the next time I was back up to 5'3" so apparently I shrink and grow thoughout the day.

The weight I'm at is fine for my height if you ask any doctor. And in fact, if I were 128 and had a lot of muscle I wouldn't mind the weight. However, that isn't the case. I don't like to have my thighs touching each other or the fat hanging over top of my jeans. And I can't go up a size in jeans because then they fall down all the time. The thing is, the weight is not carrying properly. From about my chest up and then from mid thigh down, I'm rather small. It's all gathering on my upper thighs, butt, and stomach. My stomach looked better 6 months after having Keegan than it does now, 3 years down the road. Which is weird because I weigh less. Maybe it's my age....33. I just don't know, but I know I'm not happy with the way I look. I FEEL out of shape and tired.

Anyway, I'm going to try to find positive things about myself too so today I decided it was my back. If I were to wear one of those dresses where they are full in the front but a V in the back that goes down low, I would look great....so long as the bottom of the V was nicely centered. My upper back still shows the muscle from when I was working out all the time. My lower back is only holding the fat on the side. The only two problems would be figuring out how to hold up the sagging pancakes in the front and coming up with somewhere to go to where such a dress as I haven't had to dress up in years.

Which brings me to how I'm going to reward myself when I do get in shape. I am going to buy that dress, duck tape the pancakes up and go out to a fancy dinner with my husband....and make him dress up too. The goal will be March 15, 2008. That is six months to get my body back. I took the first step this morning and took the dog for a 20 minute walk around the lake by the house.