Spanking?

How many parents have spanked their children?
If so what ages and why?

I am confused as the topic, around where I live it is very uncommon, but i heard a few parents talking about it.

I have not as of yet. (My children are 2.5 and 1, BTW). However, I can't say whether I will or not in the future since I'm not there yet.

hmm I never so to speak spanked my kids
I called it a love tap bc it was so light I couldnt have killed a bug with it lol

I probaly would if I thought it nessisary but so far my 5.5 year old hasn't needed more then a "love tap".

Yep! She's been spanked several times, and given time out, and had toys taken away, etc. And she's a little over 18 months. We started around the time she could walk and get in trouble (8 1/2 months).

We use time out... either for Ashley or the toys. And, lately we have been using "grounding" from going outside or playing with her friends. Grounding seems to have more of an affect.

I am not a "spanker" but K's heard of it and knows that it's not good. Welp, she's been wanting people to go to the restroom with her (even at home) which is ridiculous and if you don't go with her, she spends so much time dancing around begging you to go with her, that she pees on the floor. She did that twice in one day last week and I'd had it. I told her that if she did that again, she'd get a spanking. I'd not spank her for a true accident but this is just trying to get her way and pushing it too far. The threat of a spanking worked for an entire week but yesterday she blew it. I didn't want to spank her but I knew that I had to follow through with my threat. I felt terrible but I explained to her what was going to happen and then we hugged afterwards. I really barely swatted her either...just couldn't bring myself to really sting her. KWIM?

Anyway, I don't think it worked, she did it again today (in a pull up) so nothing was accomplished except that I saw my childs eyes looking at me in shock after I'd hit her on purpose. I still feel bad

Jade has been spanked, but only for extreme stuff and usually just the threat of one will stop her from doing what she's doing. I woldn't really call it a spank either, more like a love tap and I usually try to redirect, distract, or take something away before I have to resort to a spanking. I don't like doing it because I feel so bad afterwards. It really hurts her feelings and the look in her eyes just kills me. Lately I have just tried getting down to her level and talking to her. This seems to work too.

OMG Cary, Jade does the same thing. She wants me to go in there with her and she does what I like to call the pee pee panic dance. We have had accidents as well.

I do spank my kids but it is saved for severe stuff where time out or taking something away just doesn't cut it, sometimes in time out they just daydream and it has no real effect.

I do not, however, spank in the heat of the moment, they know it is coming and what for. And there is a lot of love after.

btw-the kids are 4 and 2 and the 2 yo definitely does not get the same spank, it's through a pull up, and even the 4yo's spankings are probably more than a "love tap" but far from a real hit.

Benjamin usually gets a slap on the hand, but he can also earn a swat on the butt, and time outs.
Lately I have started consequences. If he misbehaves in the store, he can't have a gumball when we leave. I haven't noticed that it alters his behavior yet, but is sure makes him angry!

We do a little swat on the butt, or the hand depending on what the crime was.

Mine usually don't get one unless nothing else has worked and they have had numerous warnings. They don't like them so they usually straighten up as soon as I say do you want a spanking? Of course they are mostly a love tap at our house to but they still don't like them.

we "spank" only for really bad stuff, that could hurt him, or else direct defiance. My husband makes a really big deal out of it, he takes him to his room, sits him down and talks to him, and then tells him why he has to be spanked, and then makes him sit himself across dads lap, and by this time he is already crying, so he is just scared to death, and then dad swats him one time on his butt and on top of his clothes,
he is more upset when he does something that upsets his dad.... for some reason.
I think this has happened twice in 4 yrs,
and then dad goes in the bathroom and cries, he hates it!

Not a spanker, but that is not to say it wouldn't ever happen.

Nope. My kids dont' know what spankings are . Some lady at a store once said to Cameron as he was acting out "you want a spanking young man.. cause if you dont' you better stop that" and he looked a ther and said "what' s a spanking"
I did swat his but once and didn't even barely skim his short adn he turned to me and said "there's no hitting in this house!" At least he listens sometimes right ?!
I really dont' believe in hitting them regardless of the action since I have seen the fear in eyes of small childrne that have been hit and the trust that gets displaced form it. Plus i think it sends a conflicting message to them that big people cna hit littel people if they are upset or angry and it's ok. To each their own in their parenting styles, but that's not a route I take.
Oh i do have a question though for those that do hit, or love tap or spank or whatever you call it. What do you do when your child does it to you or someone else? Liek they are upset with a sibling who has taken their most favorite thing and to them that is somethign awful and worthy of a spankign for that child. Or they are really really mad that you said it is bedtime and to them that's the equivalent of not listening for the third, fourth, fifth time and they smack you, even if it's lightly on teh behind. How do you correct the behavior, or are they allowed to act out in their anger/upset feeling? Not tryign to stir trouble I am honestly curious as no one has ever been able to answer this for me other than saying . I tell them not to hit.

I'm from your line of thought. The only reason I did swat her was because I had to follow through on what I said I'd do. That'll teach me about empty threats. I talked to her afterwards and told her why I did it and then I explained to her that it won't ever happen again because it made mommy feel bad to hit. So now it's back to loss of privliges if she pees on the floor again.

I'm from your line of thought. The only reason I did swat her was because I had to follow through on what I said I'd do. That'll teach me about empty threats. I talked to her afterwards and told her why I did it and then I explained to her that it won't ever happen again because it made mommy feel bad to hit. So now it's back to loss of privliges if she pees on the floor again.

That make sense. Glad you got to talk to her about it.. and boy don't I know about empty threats... they always coem back to haunt you! Why aren't kids ever easy ?!

Not a spanker.

Edited to delete my thoughts ---This is a person's first post and 'might' have been posted to stir the pot.

This post has been edited by Jamison'smama on Jun 21 2006, 09:37 AM

We don't spank or threaten to spank.

Not a spanker here. Don't believe in it. I think it sends mixed messages about impulse control and bullying. From a developmental perspective, I think small kids see things in black and white- hitting is either right or wrong, across the board. I don't think they can differentiate between certain situations where it is "appropriate" and others where it isn't. I am an adult, I have the ability to convey my feelings and expectations with words alone, and if I expect the same behaviour from my children, I better model it myself. And finally, it just goes against my instincts to strike my child, however gently. That's not to say that they don't infuriate me on a regular basis- but it never enters my realm of consciousness to hit them when they #@$@ me off.
These are my beliefs regarding my own family. How everyone else deals with their children is their own business, no need to argue about it.

Mine don't do it back, the times they have hit each other are more out of not knowing how else to deal with their frustrations but it's a pretty distant memory. Also, there has never been an instance where they thought they needed to "discipline" the others, they don't spank each other or hit each other because someone did something to them. I explained from the very beginning and still do that spanking is hitting but not out of anger, spite, or instinctive reaction. It is something mommy or daddy do when the consequences have been clearly laid out and they have chosen to do it anyway. And they all know it is not their "job" to discipline each other, that was laid out very early when my stepd who is much older tried to take that role on herself.

I do agree that children who are smacked out of nowhere do fear and mistrust but honestly feel like in our case at least, because it is a very black and white thing and not done "spur of the moment" they don't have those feelings, they know what they are being spanked for and exactly when it is coming so it's not like they get a swat out of the blue or out of rage or never know when they might get it.

I don't know if that makes sense to non-spankers, but it works for us. And actually it's pretty rare for anyone to get spanked anyway, if they do they know they did something huge to get it. And I don't think I've had to spank for the same "offense" twice, one spanking is usually enough to nip it in the bud.

For my kids to get "spanked"... it's gotta be something pretty major.

I believe in spanking, and my child does not hit me back. In fact, he is not aggressive at all. He's a "boy" with lots of energy, but he is not aggressive. If you spare the rod, you spoil the child, in my opinion. I also believe all kids are different. Some kids, spanking never works. Others need it. I find it interesting how some people I've met swear that they will never ever spank their children, then they get a totally out of control kid who needs a spanking. Then they look at me like "what do I do?" and wonder how their child got to be the way he/she is. I've seen it time and time again in many preschool classes I have taught. I also believe that there is a line between spanking and beating. If you are spanking your child every time they do something wrong, then the parent is the one with a problem. However, I think that when used appropriately, it can be effective, especially with the strong willed child. You have to use what works for each child, but I think anyone who says "I will never spank my child" better say an extra prayer that they don't get a child who needs one. It works for our child now. Who knows if we will have to with our next. Every child has to be considered on an individual basis, IMHO. What works for one child and family, may not work for the next.

This post has been edited by TannerBugsMom on Jun 22 2006, 11:26 AM

This went through my mind as well. Who honestly has never heard of spanking unless you live in a bubble? Come on!

At one time I spanked my kids when I thought they "needed it." I learned that they never needed it, ever. I'm sorry I used spanking and I definitely don't recommend it. I'm only going to say this one more thing on spanking; I know now that an adult spanking a small person is bullying. I've learned that discipline doesn't have to be physical, and if meted out consistently and appropriately, nonviolent discipline sends a stronger, longer lasting message.