Feeling sad tonight

[~Roo'sMama~]

I was talking to my sister on the phone today - I'd called her about something and we just started talking, and she started talking about how sick she is (she's almost 9 weeks pregnant - I was due the week before she is) and all I could think was how much I'd give to have morning sickness right now. I do feel bad for her because she gets horrible m/s, but I wouldn't care if I felt like I was dying. At least she knows that her baby is ok. She also mentioned that she's having her first prenatal appointment soon, and of course that made me think about how I found out I was going to miscarry only 2 days before what was supposed to be my first prenatal appointment.

It feels so unfair and just plain wrong. I wish this had never happened and I had my baby. I never got to feel it kicking or see it on an ultrasound, except for the u/s we had in the ER after it had already died. I'm never going to be able to hold my baby - it's going to be so hard when my sister has hers and my arms are so empty. I feel so mixed up... I want my baby back so badly, but I also really want to get pg again. I feel like I'm being unfaithful to my baby, but I think that getting pg again will help me move on. Or maybe I'm just trying to feel this empty feeling ~ I don't know.

[jacobsmama]

awww sara

I know that pain and emptiness will take a long time to heal and I think the best thing to do is when you feel that pain and sorrow grab ahold of your baby boy and just hold him and remember what you do have here on earth I know that doesn't make it better but I think it will help you get through this very hard time. And don't feel that having another baby is being unfair it isn't, you are a great mother and you will be a great mother again. YOU COULDN'T HAVE CHANGED ANYTHING OR DONE ANYTHING DIFFERENT TO PREVENT THIS.... that is a very important part of your healing.... Sara

[mummy2girls]

oh hun((((HUGS))))

I know exactly what you are feeling hun! And i feel for your pain! My brother GF was pregnant same time i was with Jordan. When i Lost him I felt at loss for words! Hearing her talk about her pains she is feeling and all her m/s was hard on me! And then when i saw the baby after he was born was soooo hard!

My advice... Take it at your one pace. Please dont feel you have to hold that baby right after he/she is born. Let your sister know that you loove your niece/nephew but that you have to accept the baby at your own pace. be honest with her... and if she truely does care about your feelings she will understand. It took me a few motnhs to bond with my nephew. I told my brother and his GF that they cant push him on me or ill resent him. To let me do it at my own pace and they understood. Some people will push a newborn on you thinking it will heal the pain of what you lost. They dont mean to be mean they just dont know how to handle the stuation.

I wish i was there to give you a hug(((HUGS))))

[kayla's mama]

Oh hun I know the pain you are going through. That emptiness in your heart everytime you see a precious baby or a pg lady. It took me a while to get over that emptiness. I didn't get over it until I was past my 6 month mark with Kayla.
I agree with Shelly, take your new neice or nephew at your own pace. I'm sure your sister will understand.
My heart is going out to you. Stay strong

[~Roo'sMama~]

Yeah, I'm pretty sure my sister will understand when the time comes. I'm sure it will be hard, but hopefully by the time she has her baby I'll be ready to hold him or her. Hopefully I'll be pg by then too and maybe that will take some of the sting away.

I don't know if my sister would even have been talking about her pg to me if I hadn't told her in the beginning that I didn't want her to feel like she can't talk to me... I didn't want her joy to feel overshadowed by my pain. I just don't want to give the impression that she is being insensitive. So, I don't want her to feel like she can't say anything about her pg to me, and I really don't want to miss out on this time in her life either - I know she was wanting another baby for a long time, but it's still hard.

[b&bsmom]

((((HUGS))))) I am so sorry you have to go through this. I can not imagine what it must feel like. I agree take it at your own pace and it sounds like your sister is senstive to what you are feeling. I know you have heard this before but things happen for a reason and this just wasn't the right time for you. Give your little one at home big hugs and enjoy your time with him. When the time is right you will have another little one to hold. Lots of thoughts and prayers your way Stay strong and hang in there.

[mysweetpeasWil&Wes]

Sisters are the BEST at understanding these type of situations (I know, because I have one), so don't hesitate to tell her exactly how you feel and that you may need some space when her baby arrives. Or even if she's talking a little too much about PG symptoms. I imagine she is perfectly fine with you saying that you need to change the subject. I wish I could take the pain away for you Sara.