Playdates, Advice/Etiquette/Tips/HELP!

Kylie has made two little friends and now I'm in panic mode ... I should probably know this stuff BUT:

Do you automatically assume the other mom is staying, or do you let them drop the kid off? And vice-versa, do you stay during play dates at someone elses house? How do you "invite" yourself to stay if the other mom doesn't seem to want you to?

How long should you/they stay?

If it's at another house, do you bring your other kids too, or find a time when you can leave them out of it?

When would you trust another mom you only know casually to do a drop off playdate at their house?

If your kid throws a fit at your house during a playdate, do you punish them then and ruin it for the other child too, or wait until it's over?

ahh the playdates...

I'm holding one today actually. Mya's little friend is comming over for the secound time ever...

When my has a playdate...

*I let the other mom drop her child off ( like i've mentioned before i'm not good at meeting people and they make me nurvous i rather the other mom not stay!)

* the playdate is for 1 to 1.5 hours MAX ( my sanity with 2 five year old girls can last only so long..)

*If I had other kids I'd keep them out of it unless there were children their ages to play with..

* this childs mom I do not trust..( remember the bikes in the street and running arround out side unsupervised post??.. same kid) but other then her yes most I do trust..

* i dare a kid to throw a fit at my house. I would try my best to ammend the situation and if it's still a no go then I call the parents.

hope that helped a wee bit.

TY! I feel like such a social moron after SAH for so long that I'm afraid I'll ruin it for my kids!

well, Jason is only 3 so when we have playdates the mom stays. I only have playdates with my friends and their kids so we know eachother and we hang out and chat and watch the kids while they play.

I think if I were to arrange a play date with some kids in him class, where I don't know the moms that well, I guess I'd arrange it to meet at the park, so the other mom owuld stay and not feel awkward about being at our house.

That's what we did. We started a playdate with a few girls in Ashley's preschool. At first we met at McDonald's or Burger King that had the inside playgrounds. (It was too cold to go to parks). The kids had such a great time that we said we'd do it every Friday. After 4 or 5 playdates, we knew each better and we were tired of fast food, so we started alternating houses. The parents stayed. Ashley is only 3 and I would not leave her at a playdate by herself. I know some people that do drop the kids off and leave for the playdate (not our playgroup, but other playgroups). But, I would not be comfortable with that.

I kind of like that the parents stay because we've become good friends and chat often now. The parents that had kids with siblings usually brought the siblings along. We never really discussed it, but I think we just all assumed it would be that way from the beginning.

Maybe you all could meet at a public place... see how the kids get along, and the parents. And, if you decide to make it a weekly thing, then you can kind of discuss your questions. I am sure they have the same questions. At our playdates, because it starts at noon.. we usually provide lunch and then let the kids play. We rotate houses so everyone has a chance to host lunch. It's never anything big.. usually stuff like PB&J, hotdogs, mac n cheese, etc. So, when you are setting up the playdate, you might want to discuss if you should bring a drink or snacks, etc.

I also recommend that if you want to make the playdate a regular thing that you establish a specific day and time pretty early on.

Hope that helps. Good luck and HAVE FUN!

luvmykids Don't worry I'm wayyyy more out of the loop then anyone..
right now there is a playdate going on and I'm off to get tylonal..see other post..

Oh.. forgot to add the part about discipline. Our playgroup has kids from the age 3 to 5 years of age. And, all the kids have had their good days and bad days. We're all pretty understanding about it. If there is a dispute, we try to help the kids work it out. I always step in if it is Ashley that is causing the problem. Sometimes it's just saying "Ashley you have to wait your turn".

I feel awkward about punishing Ashely in front of other kids, but I think it is important to stay consistent and discipline as soon as the incidnet happens, so I do.

We had a playdate with a few of her friends at the children's museum. The kids had a great time, but were getting tired by the end of the day. Two of the girls decided it would be fun to run away from their Mom and Ashley followed suit. She and the other girls ran to the opposite side of the area with the animals... it was pretty far away and I had to run to catch up with her. She knows the rules and knows that she must stay close by me. She ignored me when I called her name to come back. So, I put her in time out (in the corner) right there at the museum. I think the other parents may have thought I was aweful for doing that, but the next time the two girls ran off, Ashley stayed with the group. And, it's not like I had her in the corner the entire time. Just enough to warn her not to do it again. I still feel awkward discipling in public, but the need to do so doesn't come up very often. And, like I said, we all have kids the same age so we are pretty understanding.

Do you automatically assume the other mom is staying, or do you let them drop the kid off? And vice-versa, do you stay during play dates at someone elses house? How do you "invite" yourself to stay if the other mom doesn't seem to want you to?

playdates at someone's house are usually drop offs. the mom doesn't stay, i don't stay. i wouldn't know how to invite myself along. i would just make it a neutral place (playground) if i really wanted to stay.

How long should you/they stay? 2-3hours max if you don't really know them.

If it's at another house, do you bring your other kids too, or find a time when you can leave them out of it? no. the boys fight together sometimes and i wouldn't want to deal with that on a playdate. maybe if i had twins, but i don't so only one kid at a time lol.

When would you trust another mom you only know casually to do a drop off playdate at their house? depends how i feel really. if i get that good feeling from her, maybe after the 3rd playdate.

If your kid throws a fit at your house during a playdate, do you punish them then and ruin it for the other child too, or wait until it's over? wait til it's over. i will tell them what they did wrong and let them know that they will be dealt with later.

good luck!

I've been asking myself some of the same questions lately! Not only do the kids have new friends this school year but after our move, I am also trying to meet people in the area so its kind of a toss-up what we've been doing. Personally, my etiquette is different for each age group.

For example, Ryan has had a few playdates so far this year. We've had friends of his over to the house after school for a couple of hours and vice versa. I've really only let him go over to someone's house whose parent I've come to know pretty well. He has two friends from basketball at the Y who are also in his class so I've gotten to know the mothers pretty well. Usually when I am reluctant about not knowing someone's parent too well, I'll offer that the child can come to OUR house first as I've noticed that some people are not as-no offense here-"particular" with their kids as I am.

As far as Aliyah goes, her playdates have been a little different. She's had little friends over a few times but mainly we'll do lunch and then follow up with going to someone's house in a larger group with maybe 3-4 girls and moms present. She's in a half day kindergarten right now so that works well with their schedules to do a lunch of us moms and kids after school. I'm closer to the mothers of Aliyah's friends than Ryan's so far due to this.

Mason will usually come along with me on the "group" playdate type events. In fact, two of Aliyah's good friends have siblings both Ryan and Mason's age so its worked out well so far. I'd say start with what YOU are comfortable with. I feel the same as you though- I don't want my kids to be socially different but you have to exercise some discretion with these types of things too! Good luck