Question about brother

[CosmetologyMommy]

I have a 13 year old brother who out of nowhere HATES going to school. Every morning he begs to stay home, fakes being sick or "oversleeps". He also refuses to ride the bus and is begging to get homeschooled. I told my mom that something is going on, possibly being bullied or threatened and she said it is just a phase. Should I call the school and find out?

[tkdixon]

I just went through something similar to this with my 8 year old son. We are still working through it. It may be different for a 13 year old but after a month of my son begging to stay home, switch teachers, switch school, be homeschooled, vomiting on the way to school, running from the bus etc we finally found out that he was being bullied.

When they are older it's harder because bringing it to the attention of the school can cause it to get worse if you aren't careful to make sure they understand completely that they should be watching for the behavior and approaching the other child without letting on that someone called or that your brother told and they should never talk to the two of them together if that is indeed what is going on.

I found some great resources online just by searching for information on bullies. It helped my son a great deal! You may want to print some out and leave them where your brother could find them?

I do think that all children go through phases where they don't want to go to school but when it becomes extreme there is usually something else going on.

I'm a little passionate about this after seeing what my son has gone through in the last 2 months. He went from a happy little boy who absolutely LOVED school to a child that would turn and run crying from the bus, and actually had to be held down at school one day so I could leave. When bullying does occur it is a tremendous blow to the child down to the core.

I would go to the school in person so you can really make sure they understand your concern and that your brothers privacy and well being are top priority.

This post has been edited by tkdixon on Jan 11 2006, 09:23 AM

[CosmetologyMommy]

Thanks for the advice. It is just so hard to see it because I know school is not suppose to be the best place, but you should have fun with friends and stuff. He doesn't have any friends and I know it must be hard at lunch and stuff.

[luvmykids]

I was picked on horribly in middle school. I was shy, overprotected, geeky, you name it. I had kids say they hoped I'd get cancer and die, that the rubber soles on my shoes looked like maggots, all kinds of nasty stuff. So my thoughts and sympathies to your brother!

I would definitely talk to the school and at home just try to build him up like crazy. What got me through it were other friends from church, etc. that gave me the confidence to not care what the kids at school thought. And once I got over being so shy I made friends at school too.

I'd tell your mom to pay close attention to it and definitely do what you can to boost your brother!

[CAMSMOM1]

It does sound like your brother is getting bullied. I saw a episode on Dr. Phill about kids getting bullied. It can cause severe problems for the child being picked on, and one of the first signs is they don't want to go to school. Can you blame them? Who wants to go through that everyday? They can suffer from depression and low self esteem. Kids can be so cruel. Your brother will most likely talk to you and open up about things, then he would a teacher or your Mom. Maybe take your brother out, and try to talk to him about things. You can call his teachers, and see if they are noticing anything.
Your Mom could be right. It could be just a phase. But it's something I would look into. Teenage years are so difficult. Try to be supportive.
Ann