My Story

I'm new to this forum. Actually just found this website and am thrilled about having found something and people to relate to.

On August 27, 2005 my baby girl Emma was born stillborn at 40 weeks. My due date was acutally Auugst 28th. I had a good pregnancy with no problems. I had my normal Dr's appointment on the Thursday all was good. On Friday I'm not sure that I felt Emma move in the morning as I always waited for her evenings kicks and punches. Nothing came. I thought maybe she was resting up for labour. On Saturday when I again felt nothing I called the hospital who instructed me to eat or drink something sweet and wait a bit. I did this, nothing.

I went to the hospital where they tried for 1/2 hour to find a heartbeat. I knew something was wrong as her heartbeat was always picked up right away. My delivering Dr was called and couldn't find anything. They had to call someone in to do an ultrasound. I live in a smaller city where the technician do not work weekends Of course the technician couldn't tell me anything, I layed there while she took pictures with tears rolling down my face. I knew it then that something was wrong. The technician touched my shoulder and said she was glad she could help. I knew if Emma was okay she would have told me that there was a heartbeat. Moments later my delivering Dr walked to tell me that there was no heartbeat. I chose to be enduced right away and had Emma just before 11pm that night. Her cord was wrapped around her neck twice very tightly.

I have been doing okay considering. I have a little girl who will be 3 in January who keeps my mind and body occupied.

My biggest issue is my mother in law. She has made this situation 100 times worse than what it already is. I believe I need someone to talk to, counselling to deal with her as she drives me insane. Is there anyone else out there who is going through the same thing?

Thank you all for listening to my story. Looking forward to getting to know you.

Chantal

I'm so very sorry chantal to know that you are going through this! I'm a nurse at OBGYN and I have a son who is 21 months and I just can't imagine what your going through. You need to know that you really need support and people you can count on...I hope your husband is being supportive with you. Unfortunately I help patients at work through this as far as meds to help and suggesting a counselor. You can message me anytime. We are all here for you whenever you need us. Prayers and thought go out to you and your family and your precious baby who rests in heaven.

I am so sorry for your loss I know there are no words to make you feel any bette. There are women on here that have suffered a loss and some even two losses. Please take care of yourself and your little girl

(((HUGS)))

I know what you are feeling! I lost 2 sons. My first was Jordan... he was 17 days old. he was born with a disease that caused some infections that his little bosy could not fight off....this was in 1999

My second son...Joshua ... i was 19 weeks(approx) pregnant. the cause why he did in utro is unknown. and i will never know! this was in october...

I do as well have a healthy 3 year old girl jenna who is what is making me get through all of this.

What you are feeling is normal. I have my bad days and good days. And on my good days i feel guilty i am happy. But i know this is a normal phase. I think im still in the denial stage because there are times i just diont let myself grieve. And then there are days i do let myself. Its hard to be able to grieve when i have my girl to care for. Her smile always puts a smile to my face and she is just so loving!

Im not sure what is happening and how your MIL is acting.. but i wanted to send yous ome hugs((((HUGS))))

I want to send you my prayers, hugs and support. Please take care of yourself. A counselor to discus MIL would probably be good. Do you wish to share details with us?

Take care <<hugs>>

Thank you all so much for your words.

I will share my story about my MIL but please don't feel bad for me, that's not what I want. I just think that if I can share my story maybe some of you can validate my feelings.

I believe that she is a sociopath or bipolar or something. We have never really gotten along but I've ALWAYS respected her out of respect for my husband. When she doesn't get her way (she's controlling) she lashes out and says mean horrible things. I have been with my husband for 9 years now, married for 5. About 1 month before Emma was born she was in one of her moods (drinking doesn't help her situation!). She was calling us and calling and calling. I had asked her to stop as she was creating stress and was going to make me have our baby early. She told me she didn't care how I felt, blah blah blah. I hung up on her. She called back and yelled at my husband and then said the unthinkable. She wished our baby dead. I lost it and made my husband hang up on her. She called back a billion times until our machine was full. I couldn't believe she had even muttered those words to us. I told my husband that she would never see me, our daughter or our newborn.

When my delivering Dr told me that there was no heartbeat, the only words that were in my head was MIL wishing out baby dead. How was her wish coming true and ours was not. It didn't stop there. She wanted to come in and see Emma. We explained to her that we were going to have a service only that nobody would be seeing Emma except for us. She was mad because my Mother saw and held Emma but my mother was with me during delivery naturally to support me. She harrassed the poor hospital staff to no end requesting to see Emma and it didn't stop there. Then it went on to the funeral home. She had managed to get them to tell her she could see Emma. I contacted them and requested that nobody see her. That was not our wish. It got to the point where I finally told MIL that she was not welcome to attend our baby's funeral. I couldn't even stand the thought of seeing her. Before everything happened I had decided that eventually I would go and see her. She lives 1/2 hour away. But when this happened there is no way that she will ever see me again.

I feel absolutely horrible because this is my husband's mother. He is very supportive of me and knows that we will never see her together again nor will my daughter. We do not have to put up with her. My problem is now though when she calls and I hear her voice I amost have an anxiety attack or something. I get panicky and my head hurts. I never ever answer the phone when she calls but this morning she was calling from a blocked number and of course I picked it up. This stirred everything back up for me. The kicker is she thinks she's done nothing wrong and feels that everything should be put behind us

So there is my story.... I'm sure it's a unique one!!!

Thank you all again for listening and for all of your words. Maybe just maybe by telling my story it'll give me some relief of some kind

You are welcome! And I hope you get some relief. I really hope you get some one on one counseling too. Also, check at the hospital there may be a support group for those that have lost infants.

Again many prayers and hugs.

I just wanted to say, I'm so sorry for your loss. Best wishes to you in the future

I am so sorry for your loss.

I'm so sorry you have to go through all this. Hang in there.

Oh goodness well I thought I had already replied to this I'm sorry I haven't!!!

I'm VERY VERY sorry for your loss and sorry your mil is so horrible!!!

Chantal hang in there sweetie! We are going through a miscarriage and I havent been able to talk to my MIL (and dont care to). My situation is little different but I asked her not to announce to the world we were expecting and she did and now were not. I feel like she's worried about herself and this situation is not a big deal to her. Her son is hurting inside and want show it and at least she could do is be there for him. I know how you feel and there's a lot more that I could say but you'd prob. think I was crazy if I shared but I understand 100% where you are coming from and if you ever need to talk please email me adixon@scsnc.org.

Someone told me that every trial your faced with that you live through no matter how hard or painful makes you stronger and happens for a reason! Im praying for you....

Wow...I know exactly what you are going thru'. My daughter was eight and a half months old when we lost her. I was giving her a bath when I realized I'd forgotten to get her towel, washcloth and a diaper. I ran out of the bathroom for a brief moment. When I returned she was slumped over in the tub. I grabbed her and attempted CPR. At some point I dialed 911 but don't remember when. They worked on her for a while at the hospital and finally came in and told us that she didn't make it. This was only 10 months ago. Our lives have been hell since then. But I have to tell you....it does get easier. It NEVER goes away and it NEVER gets "better". You just learn to deal with it. I'm still seeing a grief counsellor and it has helped tremendously. I also have problems with mil. Nine months and two days after the passing of my daughter I gave birth to a beautiful baby boy. It didn't give me my daughter back but it did give me back my motherhood and gave me a reason to go on living. PLEASE let me know if you need to talk. I'd be more than happy to answer any questions and would love to help if I can. Best wishes and HANG IN THERE!!