I'm FURIOUS!! POISTIVELY LIVID!!, lier lier pants are flambe'ing!!

FRIGGIN Brad!! So yesterday we were out to dinner just us and I asked Brad weather he'd like an indorr or outdoor wedding ( which is the first time I've asked a question about the dang thing. he's watched me plot away on the comuter though.) Anyway his reponce "I don't want to get married. I don't think we need to." WHAT!!!!!! So that is when I just lost it. Noo crying at all just angry. I ignored him the rest of the night I almost made him pay for his own grub. This is the SECOUND time he has wimpped out on me. He was like " I don't want to be with anyone else but i don't want to get married we don't have to." It the wholewe can be married in a sence logic he has got going. How bout NO!!! We are Ironically moving home in october to our own houses because well we moved out too early. I'm just soo irritated with him!

I'm sorry he said that
It has got to hurt you
I hope he changes his out look on things

((( Hugs )))

Sorry girlie...it sounds like you need to move on...Hes playing mind games with you. It seems like every time he comes close to leaving you or he sees that you want to move on he all the sudden wants to marry you. You shouldn't have to sacrifice things that you want in a relationship...like marriage. Don't sell yourself short.



Get that book....HES JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU

Oh I've Read it and He fit the "ditch him" perfectly. I just tryed to give him the benifit of the doubt.

okay then sorry but i must SMACK you on the back of the head, come on girl you are so much better than the BS he is giving you. I saw that guy on Opra who wrote that book, he would be appaled. Sorry but you need to let it go and if he is just not that into you so be it MOVE ON. Stop wasting time. How long are you going to sit back and take it?

There was a woman in the audience in your situation...they were engaged for 5 years with no wedding in sight...He mentioned that honestly he didn't want to get married and he gave her the ring as a "pacifier" to keep her in the relationship. The writer of the book told them both that they should break it off......she needed to find the "marrying kind" and he need to find someone that didn't want to get married. You need to find someone with the same desires as you.


BTW....my ex I told you about before...We were together for 4 years and engaged for 1.....When I realized he had no real intentions of planning a wedding....I packed up and left...HOW DARE he give me a ring because he thought it would pacify me......You don't want a ring that was given to you out of desperation to keep you on the fishing line.....you want a ring that comes with desperation to marry you.

I think that moving home is going to be one of the best things for both of you. I think that living together when you are not really sure where you stand makes moving on harder...kwim?

This post has been edited by mckayleesmom on Aug 29 2005, 06:28 AM

Well I'm very sorry. I know how disappointing that must be. Sounds like you do deserve better, but I'm not going to tell you to leave him unless YOU know that's what you want, for sure. I am married to a man who had proposed once, told me the same "I'm not ready to be married" BS, lived together for a year after that, then finally seperated...and yet we're happily married today! We went to couples counseling and I did some counseling on my own. It did take me a long time to regain trust for him, but it is all possible.

BUT...there is A LOT of work involved. And it's not only on the male side. You need to know exactly what you want in a marriage and stick with that. Don't go back and forth...the cycle will only repeat itself and ultimately he's getting what he wants. Marriage is about compromise, but don't feel like you need to compromise on this one. I put my foot down finally and walked out. He can't have his cake and eat it too! Sounds like Brad has a lot of growing up to do, which is fine, but let him do it on his own. This is exactly what I did to my DH. I wouldn't say he's completely changed, we still butt heads on some things, but when it comes to commitment, we're both on the exact same page. I wouldn't have it any other way. It just took him a bit longer to get there.

Hope it all gets better!

This is just my opinion.... you have to make your own decisions.

From everything you've said about the relationship I have to say Brianne sounds like she got it right. Besides that, even if he decided "fine, I'll marry her so she doesn't leave" down the road he may end up resenting it feeling like he was "pushed into marrying you". Not because you are but that's how he could see it because it really sounds like he just doesn't want you to move on but isn't ready to commit to a lifelong relationship with you. Wasn't it just recently that you had seen he was talking to a couple of other women? It just sounds like you are way more serious than he is.

I hope you are able to make the best decision for yourself and that you get what you deserve.

I honestly don't know what to say. I love him very much but I'm not in love with him even though I have tried to. I wanted to get married because who better to marry then your best friend? I really do not want to marry him if he doesn't want to marry me. I mean I don't want him to crawl back and marry me out of pity or somthing because I never know his true intentions. I'm just soo annoyed..Thanks for all your words of wisdom!

I don't have any advice to give you, but I wanted to give you

Sorry to say this but it doesnt work that way

I just hope I didnt offend you by saying that
You have to look deep with in yourself and ask why am I still with him!!

Best friends are just that...best friends. Spouses are for life & forever. Who says you can't keep him as a friend while you are happily married to someone who you truly love and who loves you back? I'm still friends with my ex fiancee who kept me on the line with a ring for 7 years. I finally realized that while I may love him like a brother, I DO NOT love him like a husband. What happens when a few years down the road, you find the man of your dreams and you can't do anything about it because you made a bad decision? It's never easy but I agree with the others. Move on

Best friends are just that...best friends. Spouses are for life & forever. Who says you can't keep him as a friend while you are happily married to someone who you truly love and who loves you back? I'm still friends with my ex fiancee who kept me on the line with a ring for 7 years. I finally realized that while I may love him like a brother, I DO NOT love him like a husband. What happens when a few years down the road, you find the man of your dreams and you can't do anything about it because you made a bad decision? It's never easy but I agree with the others. Move on

Very well said. Move on sister. Especially if you aren't in love with him.

I'm sorry hun!!!

I agree with Jeane that you have to make your own decisions. But I also want to point out that I found it offensive if my friends and family even remotely commented on me leaving my DH. You need to know it within yourself and your heart that he may or may not be the one. And stick with your decision. I hope that it didn't sound like my DH came crawling back out of pity. I know that's not what you're referring to...but if you decide to leave, you have to go into it without even the hope of him coming back. That's what I did. It wasn't an ultimatum or a way of "pushing" him into marrying me. He grew up (his words, not mine) and knew that HE had to work through his commitment issues.

What I truly mean, sorry to ramble , is figure out what you want and maybe even date other people. Let him do the same. Maybe you guys will work it out and get married, but until the meantime, please don't let Brad or anyone else make the decision for you.

297,030,943 people in the US and he is only 1. Plenty more of us out there and many more to make best friends with.

I have not been talking to him and We haven't tuched in 24 hours now. He doesn't know why I'm mad He's like "love you" I said "sure you do". Thanks for the male perspective.

Great way of putting it. Life is too short and you deserve to be happy and be loved back the way that you are capable of loving!!

I understand that this is what you want, but don't settle based on his desire to keep you happy by agreeing to whatever you want.

I am very sorry! But from the little I know you I think you deserve better than someone who doesn't want to make a true lasting commitment to you and Mya! Is it possible that you stay because you aren't IN love with him and maybe in that way he is safe and can't REALLY hurt you emotionally the way you could be hurt if you were IN LOVE with someone and it didn't work out? I am married to my best-friend but I am also MADLY in love with him,you can have both! There is nobody in this world I would rather be with or share a conversation with than my husband-he feels the same way about me It is awesome to have it this way and that is what you deserve!