Best Friends Issue

[Vanessa's Momma]

My 13 year old, Vanessa, has a friend, Sarah, that dresses inappropriately, is rude & snotty, & says she has 2 boyfriends. Ever since Sarah transfered to Vanessa's school, my daughter's grades have been dropping. What can I do without breaking Vanessa's friendship with her???

XOXO,
Carmen

[mckayleesmom]

I would sit down and talk to her..tell her that her grades are more important right now and maybe loss of priviledges till they come back up. I don't know if I would mention her friend to her....because I believe that kids should be able to decide who to be friends with....Unless of course they are physically dangerous or getting your child into criminal trouble.

[luvbug00]

I was that friend when i was younger except i wasn't rude or snotty. I want to say get her away asap. But then again I think that as long as your daughter knows right from wrong she'll be fine. I wouldn't worry too much about the grades they don't matter till high school anyway. Just keep her average at a comfortable level and She'll see how rediculas this girl is in time.

[Josie83]

I don't have advice with this because I honestly don't understand how you can stop a teenager doing something they want to do - I know how strong me and my sisters were at that age, and I know how we would actively go against EVERYTHING our mother said So maybe its best not to make a big deal of it . . . apart form that i don't have any advice! Sorry. Welcome to th eboard btw xx

[Madpoet]

Hello,

My sympathies. I too have a 13 year old daughter and I have the same problem. My daughter grades are ok, but she has a friend who is...not so nice. When my daughter communicates with her other friends it's all bunnies and kittens but when she talks to this girl it's "life sucks" and "my parents are mean".

I mention this to let you know that you are not alone, unfortunately, I don't know what to do either. I guess I read your replies and hope we both find an answer

Madpoet

[redchief]

Well, where to start. My daughters are pretty good at evaluating friendships, so we haven't had a lot of trouble along this line. I'm also well known as one of the meanest parents in town. You know, I'm the one who will call the offending child's home and discuss inappropriate behavior with parents.

I also don't have a problem forbidding my kids seeing someone I don't feel is appropriate for them to see, gender doesn't matter. I also don't believe that teens will do what they want despite what parents say. As long as there are consequences to be paid for disobeyance, they will think hard before breaking a policy I set down.

In the past, I've sat my kids' peers down with us to discuss things I felt were inappropriate. This has brought mixed results in the kids' relationships with them, from cessation of inappropriate activity to loss of "friendship." If this person continues adversely affecting your daughter's grades and social development, separate her from the situation.