teenager and girlfriends, teenager being difficult

I have a 16 year old son that within the past year we have lost. I know they will grow up, but this past year 9/04 he started dating a young girl (15 yr) and since that time his grades have been greatly effected, he has been very withdrawn from me and his father which has never been the case. Just last week he was caught leaving school with this girl, along with 2 other teens. School is out and summer is here I have said no contact with this girl. She and her mother continue to call all the time. Am I being to hard.

I think a 16yr old not really wanting to have anything to do with his parents is normal. I remember that age I am only 25 and the last thing I wanted was to be friends with my parents. As for the girl I dont know what to tell you cause when my grand-mother (raised me) told me not to see this boy I did anyways without her knowing of it. For a long time. So that part I dont know what to tell you. Have you met the girl and her mother? Maybe that would help. I hope it all works out for you. Good luck. I dont want my DD to become a teen cause I know thats a hard age to deal with.

Lisa

I can see if the girl is calling all the time but the mother? Have you asked her what she wants? This sounds strange and I would definately be asking why a grown woman would want to talk to my son.

My son will be 16 on Thursday and I can relate to you about having "lost him". However, it's not for the same reasons as you are dealing with. I just discovered that he has ADD and we've been going through hell just trying to keep him in school (he's already 2 years behind).

Anyway, sorry to get off on a tangent about my life - I DO think it's normal that 16 year olds are trying to seperate themselves from their parents. At this age, friends and girl/boyfriends are the biggest influences to them. It's sad and it drives us crazy, but I think it's all part of growing up. He's just trying to find himself. Now, that being said - it's not ok for him to ditch school and to totally change his personality and demeanor. If he's not a kid who is normally closed off to you and your husband - I would be questioning what types of things he does with this girl.

I also agree with the other poster (sorry don't remember the name) about why is her Mom calling?? That is strange to me. Have you met the girl and/or her mother?

Maybe try talking to him and explaining why you are forbidding him to see her. I think open communication is key, but in all honesty, he probably sees you as the enemy right now. Maybe offer to have the girl and her mom over for dinner or something (if you haven't already). Trust your instincts as to the way you feel about them. If you still think they're bad news, stick to your guns about him not seeing her.

It's hard to parent teenagers - they're so close to adulthood, yet so far. It's up to us to guide them as best we can. I wish you lots of luck - keep us updated as to what happens!

I agree three. Why is the mother calling?? That is a red flag to me. I dunno that doesn't sit right.

Hmm I agree with everyone else about her mum caling, what does she want when she rings? And I think "losing" your son is something that you'll have to deal with . . . I reember being sixteen and I understand why he's more interested in his girlfriend right now . .. I know I was with my boyfriend I think you just have to be there to support him because if you try to stop him seeing her you're just going to push him furhter away! Good luck xx

my daughter discovered boys and her grades took a nosedive. The current boy, I was not at all impressed with, no job, no school activities, no ambition....so I told him, look, if she comes home with an F on her report card, it's gonna be a LONG and LONELY summer...I gave this warning a month before school was out. No dating...and she'll be in summer school. Do you know this kid had the nerve to tell her, he was breaking up with her cause she didn't spend enough time with him, that he wasn't on her priority list any more? HA! He wanted freedom to date, it didn't have to be her, she realized that soon enough. He's gone, I'm happy, and her summer school grade is an 88 : )

Set firm and loving rules for your son, he'll snap out of it because he knows you care!