Strugglin Years?, Stories

Well this post is actually due to Gavin's Mommy. I just wanted her to know that all new couples have those hard times. Those times when you borrow money, work hard, and cry and sweat together. Nothing comes easy. But that is what makes you strong.

I remember stories my grandmother told of falling in love and having a family durning the Depression. A time when you never knew if that loaf of bread would be all your family had for a month? But you would work in the fields beside your husband, then go in the house so bone tired and make supper and wash clothes by hand for the next day. My Granny told these wonderful stories of her marriage, and her STRUGGLIN years. That is an old southern way of saying it. But she also told of the joys of making it another day, week or month. Of the joy and love she felt when her DH needed new boots, he had his stuffed with newspaper. He went to the market and he had around $5.00...she was happy he was getting the new boots for he spent hours in the field. But when he came home he had a baby blanket instead. Now as I tell that I see my grandma's face, and the light she still had in her eye after he had passed. B/c they lifted each other up. They held on to what is strong. And made a family and home.

Randy and I have had strugglin years, and I am sure we will have more. Last year he got laid off. He makes good money, and we have a small farm and a house full of kids. But, we are by no means more than comfortable. We lost our medical insurance, we wasn't not even making it pay check to pay check. He was working for cash jobs, working cattle and cowboyin all hours day and nite to try and make the house payment. Lord, I cried and gave up many times. I went over a year with out a new outfit. I mean not a new shirt, nothing. I bought for the kids and we did with out. Then one day he finally got his job back..and we spent the next 6 months trying to get out of debt, get caught up..But he knew I was there for him, I knew he felt bad for being laid off and was doin his damnest for us... And I think we had some nice nights holding each other and watching channel 13..Randy says we should call them the learning years b/c we didnt' have the money for anything else but educational free TV. Not even to rent a movie@!

And finally things are looking up.....Heck we all go thru it. If it was wasn't for knowing that he would be there for me when it was bad as well as good, what fun would that be, and the same for me.

And I would like to announce...I got a new outfit this week! lol

thanks for that I realize that I am very blessed we don't have health insurance but we are still doing better than some...

Wow - what an uplifting post! Love is such a wonderful thing - warms us when we're already happy, gives us strength when we are weak. My husband and myself have gone through some tough times as well. But as you said Tanner's Mom (sorry - I don't know your name ), those tough times are what make us stronger. I don't know about the rest of ya'll but it seems to me that the firsrt year of marriage is the hardest (of course DH and I have only been married for a year and a half) - I'm sure we'll go through much more but we'll be that much stronger! I love being married - I fall more in love with my sweet man every day that goes by. That's what we all need to cling to - the precious blessing s in our lives! Thank you Tanner's Mom for your post. I thoroughly enjoyed reading it - your words truly warmed my heart! Wishing you the best in all you desire!!!

Very uplifting indeed. Thanks.

I'll have you know I changed my mind. Well, not really changed my mind, I don't think I would have ever gone through w/ it anyways. I think it was just a fantasy idea that there was potential to make good money immediately.

Jerimiah makes good money...we are't poor...but it's just he overspends...he lives very extravagantly. I didn't know guys bought 20 dollar hair gel until I met him!

Nichole inspired me to try real estate though and Jerimiah likes the idea...I just don't know how we're going to get a loan when we already have so much credit card debt.

I just found out my mom's cousin Marsha has a catering business. So THAT'S how she got rich! Lol. She does extremely well. Only thing is I'm not the best of cooks...I'm good but not catering quality. But there are some businesses that only do little sandwiches and fruit arrangements, things like that...she goes all out though. But I can make sandwiches!! LOL.

"The learning years!" OH, I LOVE THAT!! I always tell people that Michael is such a good student and history buff because when he was little and I was dead broke, all he watched was PBS! Five years old and he'd sit riveted to a two hour special on Abraham Lincoln that had me asleep in 15 minutes. Then he'd bounce around the house begging me to help him remember that the concluding two hours was the next night. Now he's hoping to take Honors American History next year as a junior. Yep.. the learnin' years paid off, I guess.

Thanks so much for that increaible post. I've been feeling rather sorry for myself lately and I think you just gave me a much needed attitude adjustment!!

Beautiful inspiring post Tannersmom.

My DH struggled through life well before he met me. I came from a family like that too but not as bad as his. Heck when he'd go visit his mother in California as a child they ate out of dumpsters!

Anyways, I got kicked out of my home at a very early age and had to support myself so I learned quickly life's little lessons. I didn't have parents to give me money or help until we finally mended some old riffs and DH and I decided even though we were very poor we'd pack up our things and head to college and try to see what we could make of ourselves. During that time, before college, I did have a decent job. My "office skills" that I had learned in college at least got me a job where I was making $15,000 a year so I wasn't extremely poor and did have food, and a place to live, albeit not the greatest. When we decided to go off to college and I mended my riffs with my parents they did give me $2,500 to buy a car. The only place we could afford to live was a very scary place and it was a good 1/2 hour from the college having to travel highways to get there so they felt sorry for me and gave me the $ to have a car. Before that I rode busses to work or walked too many miles to work if I couldn't catch the bus.

Dh and I got a few groceries now and then from his dad while we were off at college but that's it. WE never knew how we would afford food, rent and gas for our car on a daily basis. We were given student loans to help pay for college, loans we'd have to pay back and are now. We used credit cards to live on a daily basis and we both worked as telemarketers when we weren't in school to help pay the bills. I even also worked in a local grocery store deli but the union dues were so expensive I never took home much pay. When we did telemarketing DH had to deliver the "product" that I would sell and he had some scary encounters with being greated at the door with people with guns and loads of cash in their hand. It was a scary time in our life.

Heck one time we were so poor and going to get kicked out of our apartment that I took my charge card, went to the gas station, bought a pack of smokes (stupid, I know) and bought 3 scratch lotto tickets. My luck finally happened that day. I won $400! Which was enough to pay the landlord so he would get off of our backs. That was awesome.

Things continually got better after DH graduated and got a job. During our time at college he'd sometimes go home for a weekend and paint rich people homes for fast cash or do some odd jobs for slum lords. Ugh, those summers working for slum lords, cochroaches, pee and puke all over apartments....I won't even go into what we did just to make it by.

Anyways things did get better and even though we aren't rich we are happy with our lives now and that we did it all on our own.

I would say that Tanner and I went through the struggling years together more so than Rick and I.
I was a single mom, full time college student and working as much as I possibly could..those were rough times! It was especially hard for me b/c I came from a family where I never wanted for anything and though I knew I always had someone to turn to if financially I couldn't do it on my own, but I was determined to do it on my own and did!

When Rick and I got together we both had good jobs and my dad got us involved in the whole real estate thing on the side..so even when it was scary when he got laid off, we never had to struggle b/c we had a lot of money saved. But I would say that he and I definitely have struggled, just each on our own before we were seriously involved with one another.
Which, I think still has the same effect on our relationship b/c even though it wasn't a joint struggle we both respect the lifestyle that we have now and appreciate it together b/c we can look back to times when we didn't have so much!

i agree, this is very inspiring and heart warming to know the "struggle" teaches us and makes us stronger. hopefully this thread will put things into perspective for some.

i grew up with an emotionally vacant mother and a drug/alcohol abuser. i have worked since the age of 13 and was going to school and working full time by 17yo. i had a hard time trusting people because of some of the horrors i went thru as a teen. i met the boys' dad and within about 6mos, i got pg. i was horrified because i was about to break up with him because he abused drugs and alcohol. i tried to make it work, but it just seemed the first few years, that every time i tried he didn't and vice versa. and the fact that there wasn't any real love didn't help. it inevitably failed. as a single mom to 2 boys 3 and 1.5, i was terrified. i had no clue where my next meal was coming from ever. my family wasn't around to help much but surprisingly a guy i met when i was about 17yo was! he was such a geek and annoyed me with his constant bible thumping but he was the only one who was there for me in my time of need. he helped take care of the boys when i was overwhelmed, he paid my bills, he comforted me when i cried. i never knew such a selfless friend could exist. he is now my daughter's godfather.

when i met Jamie, i was finally at a point where i was happy with myself. i finished my grade 12, i had lost some weight and felt good, and i was confident that i could raise my boys on my own! i had just gotten my first real job in ages making a decent living and was accepted to college. life was grand. then things started moving along with our relationship. he talked of marriage and kids and basically professed his undying love constantly. he was good to the boys and we agreed to live together. my life felt more complete. then we got pg, decided to elope, and 2 days after our wedding, i started bleeding and subsequently lost our baby. we were both devastated. it took weeks for me to even want to be intimate again, but when we were, we conceived Jade. i was a wreck through the entire pg but Jamie was my rock. even though i knew he was scared too. Jade arrived and we were thrilled but very sleep deprived. having a baby who is up all night, then having 2 boys who have to be at school for 9am and home at 4pm and need help with homework, supper and baths... we were exhausted! with no sleep came bickering about NOTHING! we were arguing constantly and started to fall away from each other. i wanted sleep, he wanted love. neither of us got it. within a year, the finances really started weighing down. they still are bad. i just put our groceries on my credit card . it is just so easy to get completely wrapped up in the baby, the responsibilites, the finances etc that you forget what is important... each other! the husband and wife are the foundation from which a family is built. if there are cracks, the family will fall! we survived the combative stage and are now closer and far more patient and accepting of each other. i love him so much for teaching me that i expect way too much from myself and that resonates onto him. it wasn't fair. he has learned to ask for things he wants instead of saying nothing and hoping i will psychically know and meet his needs. it is a long and bumpy road but i feel we are on the right path now... united! honestly, marriage is far more difficult than raising kids imo. it really takes a lot of patience and giving and growing together.

That is a great story and I thank you for telling it - I have heard many stories and Tom and I are going thru some struggles right now and I have been very frustrated with money and being on mat leave, but reading that has given me a whole new outlook - I guess I just find it hard because we aren't 20 - we are 45 and 34........................I guess I thought the hard times would be over - but NOOOOOOO.

Thank you

Jen

My husband looked on here out of the blue and he said this post made him cry!

Sweet@

Wow, very moving Mel! I don't know how I missed this post. Sometimes I think that Jason and I struggle on a bit as we were very young we got pregnant and obviously sometimes have difficulty with us both being at school and Cassie being so little, with time and money etc. but at the end of the day all three of us are very happy and healthy and there is a lot of love which is the main thing! As Jess says, we are a lot more blessed than we realise. Maybe we don't have a lot of money and our setup isn't totally ideal but I wouldn't swap it for the world. I love my little family! xx

Oh Jen... I know what you mean. We're both 38, turning 39 this summer... if you told me when I was 20 that I'd still be worried about paying the bills at this age... I would have thought you were NUTS.

I certainly have a lot more than I did when I was 20, but we're not anywhere close to what I imagined it would be like when I was pushing 40. It can be it's own kind of frustrating... feeling like at this age you MUST be doing something wrong if you're still worried about making ends meet.

You know... I had so many years of having my lights or phone or something turned off because I couldn't pay my bills that even today, when something goes out - I react in a dead panic thinking I didn't pay the bill and ... I don't know.. we're going to be homeless in the morning, or something. Those years can really leave a mark on you.

Still strugglin' here! But, the good thing is, we have each other. We are very best friends and we know we can make it thru anything.

4 months after we were married Scotty's dad got in a horrible accident. We didnt' think he would survive. He spent months in the hospital. Scotty and I spent a lot of time apart. He was between jobs so I was working to pay the bills. His dad has a head injury and is not the same person at all. Though he did survive, Scotty still feels as though he lost his dad. Exactly one year after his father's accident his mother passed away from breast cancer. We have been thru job losses, job changes, deaths, trouble with family members, the birth of 2 children...one of which we were without insurance, etc. It hasn't been easy. But, the first year of our marriage we went thru more than most people go thru in a lifetime. We can get thru anything. We can make it on any amount of money. I could never imagine life without my Scotty. When I look back, our happiest moments were last year when he was without a job for 2 weeks. We spent so much time in each other's arms and reconnected on a deeper level. Sure, we were worried, but we actually had time together which is rare when he is working and we didn't let the worry take away from our time together.

Aimee,

You just made me think of something many people told us.....if you can build a house together and still be married...you are going to be married forever. I don't know why your post made me think of that.

But it's true....the 2 years of designing a home (not an elaborate home by any means) and the 9 months of building, being our own general contractor...boy did we ever fight so much....but it made us stronger people and a stronger couple for sure!

Definetly! We have never built a new home, but we have RE built 2 homes. Still working on our second. Both homes we have owned have been 'fixer uppers' and it definetly brings out the worst in everyone! We do all the work ourselves when we get the money to do it.

Wow, I don't know how I missed this post. Mel~Thank you so much for starting this thread. Everyone's stories really inspired me.

As many of you know, yesterday John and I celebrated our first wedding anniversary. And I am so proud, there have been many times that I wasn't sure we would even make it to this point. In our first year of marriage (I was 4 months preggo when we got married) John got in a wreck and totalled his car, it broke his nose, so I spent a week taking care of him. W have both been full time students. We had Blakely, which was such a blessing. But neither one of us could have imagined the hard work that a baby would take, and what a strain it would put on our relationship. John lost his job and was out o work for 2 months, he just started his new job this week. So hopefully we will get some cash flow here soon. These last two months have been extremely trying. As some of you know, John decided that he was tired of everything and left Blakely and I but after 2 weeks he came back. . But I am glad to know that these hard times will only make us stronger in the longrun.

This post has been edited by Mommy2BAK on Mar 2 2005, 04:37 PM