Not the best day

Okay Jason and I had an argument this afternon, for the first time in SUCH a long time. It has realy upset me. Basicaly he is not speaking to me, not that I am realy speaking to him. Okay I'll tell u about it but I'll warn you that its quite long so you don't have to read it . . .

I don't know if you rea,d but I put on another topic that I was shopping with Cassie this morning, then picking Jason up and dropping Cassie off at my sister's so that Jason and I could get Cassie's Christmas stuf. Well, when Cassie and I were in town this morning, we were about to go when we bumped into this guy Adam, who is friends with my big sister. e used to knock around a bit together when we were younger. Anyway, I haven't seen him in so long so he asked us to go for a coffee with him and we did. We just had a chat with him and it was nice. When we went to leave he gave Cassie and I both a kiss and said see you son. Cassie was chattering about him all the way home and when Jason got in the car and asked her what she'd been doing she said she'd seen Adam. I explained who Adam was to Jason, and he wasn't so happy because he didn't like Adam when we were younger (when I was about eleven I kissed him and Jason still bares a grudge :rolleyes).

So I was telling Jason oh we bumped into him blah blah, and then Cassie pipes up "he tissed me" and Jason says "he kissed you" and Cassie says "yeh, and he tissed Mummy" and Jason gives me this funny look and I just told him he had kissed me on the cheek (which he had), but Jason turned back to Cassie and asks her did Adam kiss Mummy on the lips? I don't think Cassie really understood because she told him yes . . .

Well after we dropped Cassie off at my sister's and I got back in the car Jason realy started letting me have it, he started acusing me of lying to him and saying that i was seeing this Adam behind my back and that he doesn't appreciate me kissing other men on the lips, was telling them that Cassie got it wrong and that he didn't kiss me on the lips and I also told him that i don't appreciate him bringing our two-yearold little girl into our problems and him believing her over me when she doesn't realy understand what's going on. Jason starts on and on about why did Cassie say it then and how he thinks Adam has a thing for me . . . got so upset I had to make him get out of the car, he was making me so angry. I can't believe that he is accusing me o seeing some other man behind his back - when Cassie is with me - and then lying to him. Its all just got so blown up out of proportion and am so upset It really upsets me that he doesn't believe what I'm saying - even though he knows I would NEVER lie to him and never cheat on him . . . I don't know what to do!

Sorry that this is so long and probably doesn't make sense . . . thanks for reading if you got this far xx

Tried to edit this but it won't work . . . has anyone had any experience of this sort of thing themselves? I always thought that Jason isn't realy a jealous person but maybe he is. I just tried to speak to him on the phone but he started up again . . . I don't think I've done anything wrong! xx

Oh no! I'm so sorry he isn't listening or trying to understand what really happened. He should know that you adore him and would never cheat on him. I don't think you did anything wrong.

I have experienced this. I never thought Scotty was jealous, either, but really he has come to be very jealous over the years. This sort of thing would drive him crazy, I think. Scotty would never let me explain, either. I hope Jason calms down and listens to what you have to say

DH has had moments like this. Some men are very territorial and suspicious about other men and afraid of being cheated on. There may be some biological basis to it, also an element of immaturity and insecurity on his part. In DH's case, he's been treated poorly by women in the past and has a hard time trusting my obvious devotion when he sees a "competitor" in the picture. There is a mentally-ill fellow I know, who is practically homeless and always in desperate circumstances, and I've tried to help him in little ways over the years (buying groceries or helping with resume, stuff like that). Well, this fellow started referring to me as "his best friend" and became somewhat obsessive---calling all the time for advice and such. DH detests this guy and calls him "my stalker", and at the worst moments has accused me of being interested in him romantically. Which is very pathetic in so many ways---I have no romantic interest in anyone but my husband, but especially not someone who is on the outer margins of sanity and cleanliness. It's absurd. I've never figured out how to deal with this weird jealousy---my solution was to virtually eliminate the mentally ill fellow from our lives, as I figured out that part of the jealousy was that I was "caretaking" another man's well-being in a way, devoting energy to that, which felt wrong once DH and I decided to get married. Also, my life got so much fuller when we had Daniel, so I have no time or extra energy to help people outside of my family. I've been a magnet to needy people of both genders all my life, and I'm learning to say no to most of them. Your situation is different, as the "competitor" is someone in whom you might have an interest, so Jason's hackles are up. I have no advice, just know that other people have experienced this weird reaction.

((HUGS)) Josie. I wish I had some advice but my DH is not and never really was the jealous type.

I can't understand why Jason would think you'd lie and believe Cassie. I know my DD, when asked that question, would say yes just because. They just don't understand at this age.

I'm sorry he's acting like this. Hopefully he'll come around soon.

I know, that is one of the things that annoyed me the most. I don't appreciate him thinking I lied to him anyway, but asking Casie, getting her involved and then talking what she said as read when she is a two year old little girl got me really riled. It seemed to me as though he had made his mind up anyway. Thanks for sharing your own views, Tracy and Aimee. I do sort of see where Jason is coming from, but I thought that after eight years of me never looking at anyone else he would know by now that I am happy with him. I'm sure he does know that - he's just reacted badly to something that was nothing. Thanks everyone for your help, it means a lot. I'm going to pick Cassie up now then hopefully I'll be able to speak to Jason a bit later on xx PS - It really does mean a lot to me to have you lot talk to. I'm not very good at discussing problems and feelings but you lot make it so much easier, so thank you xx

I'm so sorry Josie! Men can be like that sometimes! I know my DH can get a bit jealous, although God knows why! He will check the Caller ID when he gets home to see who's called, then ask me who's number this was, what they wanted, etc...

But I think it was really childish for him to put Cassie on the spot like that. Of course she's going to say what Daddy wants her to!

I hope you get it worked out.

Tell me about it . . . especially a two-year-old who thinks her daddy is the greatest thing EVER. He's still at his brother's He'd better be back home tonight if he knows what's good for him! We have this thing, we're never supposed to go to bed on an argument . . . don't think he'll break it - he better not break it! xx

awww, Josie, that really stinks!! I hate the fact that he asked Cassie after you told him the kiss was on the cheek. He probabaly just needs some time to think about it. Im sure he'll realize that he's acting silly.

Whoa..I would just back off from it and let him blow his steam...and keep your distance. He'll figure it out soon enough that he's a fool for acting so stupid!

Well, he just text me to let me know that he's on his way home . . . its nearly half past nine at night here. He's never taken this time away from me before after an argument. Cassie was upset that he wasn't here all afternoon and that he wasn't here to say goodnight to her . I think that she thinks its her fault that he's not here, because he was questioning her in the car and then she hasn't seen him again She was a bit clingy to me at bedtime. Anyway, thanks for all the support, I'll let you know how we go tomorrow morning! Keep your fingers crossed xx

I think he just needs to calm down and look at the situation rationally. I hope this is the case. I don't know how my DH would react. I think I might be jealous and need time and reassurance from him. I hope you guys keep your agreement on not going to bed mad! It's always fun to make up !

Josie,

How did it go when Jason came home? One thing you said in an earlier post was about not being good about talking about problems and feelings has me wondering... At times when you and Jason are getting along, do you talk to him about those types of things? Not talking to him could be a reaon why he got so riled up... If he thinks you are talking about your feelings with another man who is your friend when he'd like to be the guy you talk to. I'm making many assumptions here, but thought I'd toss that out.
About the missing daddy part and worrying about it being her fault, I'd let Jason know your loving concern for your daughters feelings. He'll do the right thing and let his daugther know how much she is loved by him. (my husband is a rest. mgr and only around about 2-3 days per week, so that is a frequent topic at our house.. that even though daddy's not home he loves you type of stuff)

Stacey
Josie (10-3-01)
Tommy (1-16-04)

Hi Stacey . . . thanks for your reply. The reason we fell out wasn't about me not talking about my feelings, I wasn't having a deep and meaningful with Adam, it was just a ctachup. Most of the the time we were talking about Cassie, Jason and my big sister! Its just Jason being an alpha male. Cassie was okay this morning when she saw daddy, she's fine now. She knows how much Daddy loves her - she's the apple of his eye. She's just not used to him being there to say goodnight. Its just a stupid thing that got blown out of proportion. Thanks for your concern tho, I've put an update in another post. xx PS - You have a daughter called Josie I noticed! is that short for anything? xx

Oh I posted on the update first now that I know what is going on I'm glad I know now that he realizes he was being irrational!