Jennifer's new lifestyle journal

ok, so maybe i should give this journaling thing a try...i've tried to do this on my own and never kept up with it but maybe if i have to do it in public i may be more inclined to keep up with the entries and reconsider what i eat when i have to honestly reveal it in public among people who more or less know me by now.
i don't know how interesting this will be for others to read because i'm going to do this a little bit differently from the others in that i will also list any emotional/psychological issues i may be feeling as i have a tendency to eat when i'm stressed and i figure if i also write down whatever is on my mind or bothering mne that day i can see what goes on on my bad eating days vs what goes on on my good eating days. i have a tendency to eat like a little kid in that if i want candy, i get candy and if i want pizza, i get pizza...i have often been told that i am living my life like a kid, giving myself whatever i want without much thought to the consequences. fortunately, i'm not huge...size 10-12 on a 5 foot 9 inch frame but still am too fat to feel comfortable and fatness is a huge issue with me.
yesterday i asked the board if people believe in hell and while i don't, i feel kind of like i am in hell as far as the size of my body goes and while i don't believe in sin either, i always say that fatness is a sin. i have to get out of the hell i made for myself. the other part of it is that i'm starting to get invited to very cool parties...many times models and others i run into in the photography business invite me to great celeb parties and i always say no because most of my clothes in my closet, size 2-4 don't fit and i have nothing to wear. on too many occasions i've turned down opportunities to meet Aerosmith, too many professional athletes to list, A list actors and many, many others just because i didn't have suitable clothes to wear. and when i was interviewed for my ALS charity work i found myself feeling for the first time in my life like a shrinking violet because i felt so huge in what i was wearing. this can't go on...i have very high aspirations and at this point my size is precluding me from reaching them. so i figured i'd start this journal, and if any of you are reading it, you can see that it's rambly and attempting to be self-inspirational so if you don't want to read or comment i won't be upset, although if you want to read by all means, all are welcome. it just turns sappy and silly at times, i'm trying to remind myself of why i'm doing this.
also, yesterday evening one of my business contacts took me to dinner at Olive Garden and we sat right next to a mirror and i looked at myself and it occurred to me that my face is looking awfully round these days...and i recalled just last week telling a mom that her daughter was too round for me, especially in the face. granted i'm not trying to be a model but i feel like a hypocrite if i can tell her that and she was likely thinking, "well, take a look at yourself, cameragirl." this can't go on, i have to change it.
so i bought some diet pills but they are going back to the store...i don't believe they are a good, longterm solution. also, my mom said she'd pay for jenny craig or any other fairly expensive diet plan i want to join but i also don't think that is a longterm solution, i have to do this myself.
so i want to implement several new concepts--starting with the fact that i like to eat 2 huge meals a day and working on changing that to 5-6 small meals. also, before each major meal (breakfast, lunch, dinner) i will force myself to drink about 25 ounces of water, because that fills up the stomach AND because even though i carry around a water bottle everywhere i go it doesn't mean i'm drinking all the time or enough. oftentimes people feel hungry but they're really thirsty. i want to try to eat more salads and cut out sweets...i have this need for dessert and milk after every meal and i will try to turn that into a slice of whole wheat toast with organic, no sugar added PB and a cup of milk so as to make sure everything i'm eating is healthy and maybe once a week or so, have a real dessert as a treat. because that is what dessert should be--a treat, not a several times daily routine.
so my new eating goals for the time being are to make sure i have 25 ounces of water before every major meal, smaller meals and healthy snacks like veggies in between meals. i also want to try to force myself to write in this everyday.
i also want to add other behavior modifications i'm working on, such as keeping the house clean because i'm very bad about that and yet i hate messes AND also my issues with procrastinating so i want to also list in the morning the handful of things i MUST get done each day.
so my goals for the day are to finish shooting the pics of that nature conservatory i promised i'd do this past Tuesday and deliver the pics to the guy in charge, finally send the ALS Association the checks i owe them for the calendars i sold on my own and try to get the spare parts i needed to get my flash unit to stand vertically again. the important things are the pics and the checks sent...the flash unit i can attend to this weekend.
as for food, of course i missed breakfast but what else is new? have to work on that too. i'm drinking my lunchtime water and then i'll probably make a tiny pizza with a pita, some organic sauce and some cheese and then have some fruit. not the healthiest but i don't have much else in the house right now, need to go grocery shopping this weekend and probably won't start the bonafide new food plan till monday.

This post has been edited by cameragirl21 on Feb 16 2007, 09:28 AM

Glad you're joining us Jenn Best of luck on your journey!!

also, wanted to try adding in some form of exercise each day, even if it's just housework or a 30 minute walk, although i want to start going back to the gym as i'm paying 70 bucks a month and haven't gone in months. i'm really not about wasting money and there's no getting out of this membership...i signed a one year contract and can't get out of it without ruining my credit so i may as well start going...they have some cool salsa dance classes and i definitely have an inner Latina.
so that's another thing i want to start implementing next week...and i say next week because i simply must devote this weekend to cleaning the house, i can't live in a mess any longer and i purposely didn't schedule any photo shoots this weekend just so i could clean.

ok, so i had a small pita pizza, a few strawberries and a nectarine...i still feel hungry but i have to stop here, i have to get used to smaller meals more often. i'm also taking my water bottle and a think organic apricot coconut bar with me as a snack in a few hours.
i also forgot to list that i have to meet with the butterfly breeder i work with sometimes today, so that's another thing i have to make sure i fit in.
as for housecleaning, there are a few things i want to work on for the next week--one is washing the dishes after every meal so they don't pile up and i find myself spending an hour doing several days' worth. 2 is making sure i scoop out the kitty litter every morning and every night...i'm actually pretty good about keeping it clean but twice a day can't hurt. and 3, making sure i clean the turtles' filter every week so that their water doesn't become dirty because changing their tank is a PITA and a half. so now that i've eaten i'm off to wash dishes.
the question is, how long will i keep up with this journal....?

Welcome, Jen. I've found this is a great place to help keep my honest. LOL. Good luck

well, so far so good, i actually got everything i needed to get done today done, other than the sending the checks to the ALS Association but that is only because the post office was closed by the time i finished with everything else.
as for food, i did great today, drinking a lot of water and having salad and more salad for dinner.
i stopped at the market on my way home and really wanted to buy some fresh strawberry shortcake they had but forced myself not to...i kept telling myself i've been so good food wise today but that is not the point...the point is to lose weight, not maintain so i got pistachios and walnuts instead because even though they are fattening they are filled with good fats and no sugars, and sugars are what i'm trying to cut out.
i may have a small cup of ice cream or the remaining WW muffin i got the other day but either way, i've done really well today.
now, on to tomorrow!

well, i was really good this weekend and my clothes are already starting to feel just a touch looser. even today, after not sleeping most of the night because of a sick cat and a serious plumbing problem, i still ate really well. it seems to be coming more naturally.
i'm also coming along on the cleaning up which is actually making me eat less because i think it gives me a sense of control...i think oftentimes eating is just a form of control in our lives--the one thing we can control is what we eat. well, if i can do a heavy duty spring cleaning it leads to not only a sense of accomplishment but also makes me feel a sense of control over my environment which seems to take my mind off food.
hey, whatever works.

so this morning i'm trying the green beans and pepper thing for breakfast...can't say i love it but it's not bad. then i have to go on a shoot and then may be meeting someone for lunch so i'm hoping the green beans will fill me up enough to be a good girl through lunch if i do meet someone at some yummy place. unfortunately restaurants are where much of the temptation comes in for me. so far this journal thing is really working because the dieting hasn't been too difficult...of course i did buy a tub of ice cream last night but it's only for a once daily treat in really small amounts...i'm worried if i deprive myself of everything all at once it will all just end in disaster shortly.
so far so good, hopefully it keeps up.
now, this week i have to work on adding exercise to my schedule starting next week at the latest...that would obviously be a big boost also.

somehow i just knew i'd not keep up with this.
anyway, yesterday at the doc's we talked about dieting...turns out shrimp, one of the few forms of "meat" i do eat is fattening. that is what i planned on eating everyday, so much for that.
my doc said to eat eggs, several times a day, but no more than 2 yolks a day and cream of wheat, which i'm sure i'll hate since i don't like oatmeal, unless it's in a cookie.
so today i had some yogurt with kashi go lean and blackberries for breakfast and then came home and had 2 sunny side up eggs with 3 imitation sausage links and then had half a cucumber with smoked salmon spread.
for some reason i'm still hungry but i'll have to get over it.
i'm thinking scallops shouldn't be fattening, maybe i'll have those instead of the shrimp, at twice the price.

Found this at http://whatscookingamerica.net/NutritionalChart.htm

Found this at http://whatscookingamerica.net/NutritionalChart.htm

that's what i thought too, since when is shrimp fattening?!
but then again, i know it's high in cholesterol and i have always had very low cholesterol since i don't eat meat but technically cholesterol is a fat....

So I'm like totally inspired, like totally. i discovered this new smoothie i absolutely love, which includes some pineapple (fresh, not canned), an orange, a banana, about 4 ounces of carrot juice and some chlorophyll, which makes the whole concoction green, and not bright green, but rather a Christmas tree shade of green. it's absolutely delicious and makes enough for 2 smoothies, so two meals out of six, needs no additional sweetness or flavor and is just so yummy. so that will be my breakfast and mid morning snack from now on, or at least until i tire of it.
then, in line with my doc's orders, i will be eating 2 eggs daily, in the form of an omelet with mushrooms, onions and light cheese.
and my Shape magazine this month totally saved me on the shrimp and fish--they had an article about which fish are safe as far as mercury goes and which ones shouldn't be eaten even if they have low mercury because they are being overfished and are at risk for extinction, so of course i won't be eating those. so what is safe, not fattening and something i like would include--light tuna, salmon and any kind of shellfish, which miraculously has the lowest amount of mercury. i don't eat crabs (except for stone crabs because those are not killed) or lobsters but i do enjoy shrimp and scallops. my attempt at a scallop stir fry was not successful, i'm just not much of a cook really, especially when it comes to inventing recipes so i'm thinking a daily salad consisting of spinach, an orange, some avocado and some shrimp with a lime juice and olive oil dressing. that would make a good lunch or dinner and then maybe a tuna sandwish for an additional meal and then maybe some yogurt with oats, wheat germ and berries. that would make up at least six meals and would cover my day, although it means i have to do a lot more preparation, it's much easier to get takeout, lol.
oh well, i guess rewards come from sacrifice, let's see how i do this week.

woohoo, i've lost five pounds since my last doctor visit, the one with the cancer scare and i don't remember exactly how long ago that was but i'm thinking a couple of weeks.
guess this eating with my left hand business is working. i'm also trying to reduce portion sizes but yesterday i only had 2 good sized meals and 1 small one so it's hard to fight my nature of eating just a couple or few times a day.
i also added in exercise so that obviously should help.
hoping to lose five more by the end of march but would love to lose 10 more.
my doc said i should not lose more than 30 pounds which doesn't seem like much considering i am 5 foot 9 inches.
anyway, we'll see how it goes. she suggested i give up all artificial sweeteners and just stick to small amounts of real sugar when i need a sweetener but my only exception has been sugar free cinnamon toast crunch cereal, which has splenda.
i know it can't be healthy but i'm trying to move in small steps or i'll just abandon this effort the same way i have in the past when the steps were too drastic.
so i'm off to have some cereal now, then off to shoot a show and another client. i always thought of photography as decent exercise because i'm on my feet and moving for hours but the doc doesn't think so, so hopefully i'll also get to cram in some exercise later this afternoon.
btw, still having near daily green smoothies and they are delicious and nutricious.

just like thanksgiving, literally, that's what yesterday was. so i woke up early to shoot the runway show and it was totally exhausting. i only had a bowl of cereal and they served us sandwiches but most of them had meat in them so i grabbed a tiny piece of veggie wrap. but i made the foolish mistake of riding with the designer instead of my own car as i usually do so i had to stick around 2 hours after the show ended as they packed up the truck and all and then i got invited to eat with them.... well, i was starving so i agreed but then they said they're going for Cuban food, which i am NOT a fan of because Cubans eat a lot of meat (including whole pigs), white rice and black beans. i LOVE their fried plantains though. so i went along with it, thinking i'd just have some fried plantains and eat real food when i get home but wow, and i do mean wow, was the food ever delicious. fried yucca, fried cod, fried plantains, some crisp, some soft, fried calamari...no meat but it was all fried. and of course, there were delicious french fries. so by the time my meal came i didn't really want it because i had filled myself up with yummy fried foods. so i picked the shrimp out of my dish, ate some, gave the rest to the seamstresses who were eating with us and when i got home i went straight to bed, just like thanksgiving, literally. i ate so much fried, unhealthy foods that i thought i'd burst.
wonder if that made up for the five pounds i lost...?
the thing is, i have to get back on track today but i am now craving all those fried foods again. unfortunately, i'm the type who gets a craving for a certain food and can eat that very food several times a day, everyday for weeks at a time. so it's not as if i satisfied a craving for unhealthy foods and can now move on...i now want to go back to that Cuban restaurant!
idk how i'm going to get back on track because my cravings are really killing me but i'm thinking i'll just have a fruit smoothie now (i had a bowl of cereal in the am) and then maybe a spicy taco salad for lunch. spicy foods are something i always crave so maybe they can revert my attention back to what i normally eat and away from heavy fried foods.
i'm thinking though, that a big, heavy and unhealthy meal is good once in a while... i hear it revs up the metabolism and it's good to know that once in a while i can do it, maybe i'll consider doing that once a month or at least once a quarter.
at least that way my body and taste buds will know that they're not always going to be deprived....
edited to add that my stressing of Cubans eating a lot of meat, including whole pigs is not meant to sound sanctimonious or suggest that i look down on their eating and/or cultural habits but rather to stress how out of place i normally feel in a cuban restaurant or when invited to eat in a cuban home. that is all i meant.

This post has been edited by cameragirl21 on Mar 13 2007, 06:47 AM

Congrats on the 5 pound loss. Now as far as yesterday.....look forward and stop thinking about those fried foods.........NOW girl!!!!

I agree with Karen. Just move forward. Everyone slips now and again.

Kelly and Karen, you are right but it's just so hard for me. Yesterday, i needed something, so i got a small bag of tostones (plantain chips, similar to potato chips) and then had potatoes for dinner, got a bag of seasoned potatoes, similar to fries but i baked them in the oven instead and ate them with fat free sour cream.
i'm trying to do better today but i'm already craving more potatoes...what is the matter with me?!
anyway, today is a day of more salads, more fruit and maybe i'll start making salmon...they had frozen filets at the place where i got my potatoes, i may start thinking about doing those instead. i like the idea of teriyaki salmon but i'm guessing it's high in sodium, which is not good when you're dieting, even though i rarely eat salt, i don't even keep a salt shaker in my house but i'm sure much of what i eat, like those potatoes for instance that were preseasoned and definitely the tostones are salted already.
there just has to be an easier way...i'll let you all know when i find it....

i really have been inspired by Tara and her diet, she is a strong woman. i think there are also many healthy aspects of her diet too. i am still going to eat fruit because i think it's healthy and i can't do without it, my attempt at the South Beach Diet sometime back failed miserably by day 2 when i couldn't go without fruit any longer. that said, i'll stick to whole, unprocessed foods with minimal white flour and sugar. i do need to finish the mini pizza crusts i have so i'll finish that and not buy more.
this morning i had a ww muffin and a cup of milk, yes, a cup, not a glass like i usually have. cutting down on milk is a good start. i'll also have some fruit shortly and stick to veggies, fruits, stir fries, fish and nuts for the next couple of weeks and see how i do.
i'm sure i'll feel better too.

GL Jennifer.

I had to do a dairy elim diet with both my girls, luckily it was a short lived diet because I would have died, literally, especially since I don't like veggies or fruit.

Anyways, you sound very positive about it and I hope it works for you.

If you need a salt fix, try lite salt. It's all I have used since my grandpa started having heart problems. It's made with potassium, so it also helps replace potassium that you lose when you increase water intake.

thanks, Karen, i'll keep everyone here posted on my attempts to keep up with the Jenniferized version of Tara's diet. it may work wonders if only i can stick to it.
and Kelly, i actually am not big on salt, i don't even keep a salt shaker at home but i was craving more salty fried foods. thanks for the suggestion, though, i will keep it in mind for friends of mine who are big on salt.
good luck to the entire loser club this weekend!

so how is it going?

totally sucks but i've lost 10 pounds so that makes it suck less.
now that Passover will be here tonight, there will be no wheat products for me for the entire 8 days and probably no shrimp either so that leaves me with fruits, veggies, and fish.
here's to another 10 pounds....

totally sucks but i've lost 10 pounds so that makes it suck less.
now that Passover will be here tonight, there will be no wheat products for me for the entire 8 days and probably no shrimp either so that leaves me with fruits, veggies, and fish.
here's to another 10 pounds....

at least your losing those pounds you dont want. WTG LOSER

sorry about whatever is sucking