Why do I feel a little guilty?

[Cherie]

A bit of background on me... I have 2 boys (5, 2 1/2). I have wanted to ttc #3 for over 2 years now. Dh has been dead set against it up until recently.

So, today is the 1st day I have stopped the bcp. And although we don't want to start ttc until June/July... it's still a BIG thing... as we're going to concentrate on being "careful" for the next 3 months and allow my system to get back to normal.

But... I can't help feeling a bit guilty and nervous. Most times (up until now) I am very excited!

I feel guilty and nervous for 2 reasons...
1. Dh - even though he has agreed to ttc again. I know he's doing it mostly for me. Although he will admit he'd love to have a little girl and complete our family. But there are no guarantees and we could have another boy.

2. My youngest son - Because he's my baby right now and I'm worried about him no longer being the "baby" and being the "middle" child instead. I guess I worry mostly about sharing my love and time between all of them. And also changing our family dynamics from parents of 2 to parents of 3.

I'm not so worried about my older son because he's already been through the experience of a new sibling. Not to mention, he is so easy going, gentle, and loving. I know he'd be thrilled with a new baby.

Is this strange? Is this normal? Am I ttc for the wrong reasons?

This post has been edited by Cherie on Mar 25 2010, 01:47 PM

[jcc64]

I was you several years ago. I had two boys, wanted a third, mainly to go for the girl, tbh, though of course I would have been happy with another little dude around. We did go on to eventually have our little girl (now 7). The middle child thing is all a matter of how you handle things. There are great things about being in the middle--I'm a middle and so is dh. That's not a legitimate reason not to have another child, imo. Your dh's ambivalence--that I'd pay more attention to. I would most definitely want my partner on board all the way--it's a life changing decision.
Fwiw, I have 2 girlfriends with two boys apiece who also went for the girl on #3. They both wound up with a 3rd boy. I can't deny that they were deeply disappointed, but neither regrets taking the chance or having the boy they wound up with instead.

[PrairieMom]

I am kind of where you are, sort of.
I am currently PG with #3. Like, super PG. nearly 35 weeks.
ANYWAY.... I am a huge planner. I really thought this thing out. I picked out the month I wanted to deliver, (May) and the year.
I altered my diet, saved $, and took my temp for months prior to TTC. I wanted a boy so our family would be boy, girl , boy. ( and I am getting one) I even had names picked out. I really worked to get this kid.

Then I got PG our first month of trying. The second I thought I might be PG the panic set in. The minute I got the positive PG test I was absolutely petrified, and I stayed that way for a long time. Even now, about to deliver in a few weeks I am still pretty scared.

I worry about the change in family dynamics a lot. Both DH and I are from 4 person families. I have never experienced how a 5 person family works.

I worry about my daughter , who is going to be 4 right after this baby comes. I have no idea how she is going to handle being a middle child. I worry about my oldest, ( going to be 7) and how he is going to handle being a big brother yet again, Poor kid, his sister already demands lots of attention due to her personality.

I worry about this baby and the amount of attention he will receive.

I worry about our finances since I quit my job to stay at home with the kids now. ( not that I was working TONS before, I had only been working part time)

Bottom line, at this point I kind of feel like I am on a run away train and that things are going completely out of control.

But, I KNOW that I love this baby. And that everything is going to fall into place. There may be some growing pains, but I know that we won't be able to imagine our lives without him. Everything is going to be fine.

And I keep repeating that to myself. Everything is going to be fine, everything is going to be fine.

I think you have to follow your heart, and do what you think is right for you and your family. Its a personal decision. You only live once , try to do it in a way where you won't have any regrets.

[CantWait]

Well I was you a couple years ago.

DH didn't want any more kids, but I've sacrificed hell and high water for him and his career and TTC another child was very important to me, and therefore dh also agreed (mostly for me, but he's gotten more into it the more we've had to get the deed done). It wasn't something I didn't have to nag him into, but he was comfortable with it just being the four of us (4 is the perfect number). He finally agree a couple years ago.

My 6 year old is still very loving towards me, total mammas boy, but he also loves the idea of having a baby someday and being a big brother. In our family the big thing that we teach is family and how important family is above and beyond everyone and everything else.

I worry about all things when it comes to having another baby / child, whether it be money, have the energy and patience to deal with another child, my age, etc...but I think that's normal.

We're had a few other obstacles in our way when it comes to having our third, but dh has stuck by his decision and I think it's been just as or more important to him to have a healthy addition to our already beautiful family.

Good Luck.