Like Rae Prayed I wouldn't post here

[Mommy2Isabella]

Well, here goes ...

I have battled telling anyone about this. I feel ashamed of myself, and didn't want to say anything to anyone. The other night a VERY good friend of Sal and I and her Husband came over. Her and I were talking she was asking me how I was doing, and I kind of just said ... alright I guess. Well, we got to talking and I finally let lose.

I am very Sad and Angry. Sad because this isn't where I wanted to be in life. Angry at Sal mainly because I feel as if I am doing this all on my own. That isn't how he told me it would be. I know it is mainly me that Isabella needs but, I am so OVERWHELMED with everything.

The sadness comes in with I am only 19, I didn't really want kids at all, but when I met sal I wanted kids, but not until I was 25 and had finished school. My pregnancy prevented me from going to school last semester so now I am totally out of he groove of things, I want to be in school, I want to be someone. I guess I feel if I am not getting an education than I am a nobody.

I just can't help but think what life would be like if we hadn't gotten pregnant until we were ready. However, I don't want anyone to get the wrong idea. I wouldn't take back having Isabella, I love her SO MUCH. I guess I just wonder what it would be like, and I am sad and angry because of how things are, not because of her.

[My3LilMonkeys]

[Jaleiyah's Mommy]

I know exactly what you mean, not about the school part but I am 19 also and I don't feel like I am a good mom sometimes because I feel like I just can't handle the pressures of being a mommy... If u ever wanna talk lemme know

[Jamison'smama]

Oh sweetie, I understand what you are saying. I think many of us go through similar feelings. I felt I had messed up my career. I worried my marriage was great the way it was and having a child just changed everything. With my second pregnancy it was the horrible guilt and thoughts of "why did I do this". Not to make this about me in any way, it is typical, the hormones are ridculous and overwhelming. We feel alone, confused, exhausted, moody, and we have to be supermoms at the same time. Are you getting out of the house at all during the day?

If the feelings get worse or too overwhelming, there are many options and don't hesitate to speak with your doctor about it. You will find your groove again, things calm down and life comes together. You will complete anything you desire---you just have to figure it out.

Sending hugs

[Mommy2Isabella]

I am not getting out of the house at all durning the week until the evening. Because I watch my step-sisters baby as well, and taking 1 out is bad enough, having two is too much to take anywhere!

[kimberley]

i am sorry things are hard right now. i went thru the "what if" blues with my first also as i wasn't prepared for his arrival, although i wouldn't trade him for the world. it is a hard adjustment at any age. give yourself time to adjust to your new role, make Sal give you some time for you because you NEED it and don't lose hope. you can go to school and be a mom. don't give up on your dreams.. it may take a little more effort but you will get there.

[1lilpeanut2love]

Trust me it will get better. Maybe you should go to see your doc. You can get on medication and it will help... I am young too[21], I had my DD when I was 20.

Everything happens for a reason just know that[talking about the way things have happened in your life!]

[MyBabeMaddie]

I can totally relate to everything you said its like you read my mind! If you feel like venting more or talking about it I can definitely relate! PM me if you would like - GL!

[Kirstenmumof3]

I completely understand how you are feeling. I had my whole life mapped out for me and having a baby at 20 (that's how old I was when Emily was born) was not something that I was ready for. Being a parent is overwhelming for anyone, so don't beat yourself up about it. Try getting out more and leaving the baby with your DH. Maybe you could find someone to take care of Isabella so you could go back to school and take a few courses at a time. Talk to your DH, tell him how you are feeling and if you start to feel worse, talk to your doctor! We are all here for you, please don't feel ashamed. It takes a lot of courage to admit how you are feeling!

[PrairieMom]

Adjusting to life with a baby is hard! I remember being there too. I think it is Esp hard on moms. (Sorry Sal) I felt like I was taking on things alone too.
You are pulling double duity since you have taken on aonther baby too. You are a good mommy, and things are going to get better. For me, the first 3 months were the worst.

As far as being young and going to school, you have plenty of time, not to mention that not having an "education" does not make you a nobody. To Bella, you are EVERYBODY. Hang in there.

[AlexsPajamaMama]

Lots of Hugs to you Hun!!

I am a young mom too, I'm 22, and had Alex only 4 monthes after I turned 20.
Being a Mommy isn't always fun or easy...I can relate to how you are feeling, I get the same way sometimes still. Feeling like you are doing it all yourself, taking care of the baby and the house work
It will get better and you ARE somebody even though you didn't finish school yet....you are a Mommy and Mommies are very important people!!

I also agree that things in life happen for a reason

[CantWait]

Hon I'm so sorry. When I had Robbie, I was 18 years old and hadn't even finished highschool. I didn't go to college till after I had Anthony. Now I can't work in my field because I would get paid 35% less then if we lived in Edmonton and it's just not worth it. I totally know what you're going through. If you ever need to talk feel free to PM or e-mail.
I know no matter what I say it's not going to make you feel different, but you're not worthless.

[my2monkeyboys]

I'm so sorry to hear you're going through all of this, but please don't ever feel ashamed of it. It is natural to have feelings, even "bad" ones.
My first suggestion is that you not babysit the other child, at least for a while. Unless you just have to have the money that it pays, I think it'd be a great idea to not keep her anymore. That's just adding a lot of stress on an already stressful situation.
The next thing I suggest is talking to Sal about it. Try not to say "you do this, you don't do that" but rather say, "this is how I'm feeling and I really could use a little more help."
Then, get out of the house! I know, it's easier said than done, but I know it will help ALOT. Strap her into a stroller and go. Forget the dishes, forget the laundry, just get out. If you have to keep the other baby too, put one in a snuggli and one in the stroller.
I battled this when Will was born, and getting out helped a GREAT deal.
As for the schooling, I know it's not quite how you pictured it, but it can happen. It just may take a little longer. You can maybe take some part-time night classes, or even online classes. I know you love your little girl, but you can want to be something other than "Bella's mommy". It's ok to want more. Just think though, that she will only be small a very brief time. Try to enjoy this time, as she will get older and that will make it easier for you to pursue things you want to do.
Please, please, don't feel bad. Though it may take a little time, you will get through this all.

[Hillbilly Housewife]

I know *exactly* what you're going through. I was 19 when I got pg, I had my first 3 months after I turned 20... I hada great job, making about 40 000 a year, I had plans to go back to school, I had my appartment, etc etc etc... and after having had the baby, i lost my original job.

Things do sort of get better.... i'm 24 now, with three kids... but i'm not going to lie to you, there are some days where i definitely wouldn't mind sending them back temporarily in order to do things i could have possibly done without having had them.

[luvmykids]

I'm so glad you opened up about this, to your friend and here. For me it helped a lot just to know I wasn't a freak for the mixed feelings that came up after having a baby....

I didn't have kids until I was 30 and still felt the same things about not being where I wanted in my life. I think having kids does that to a lot of us, you realize you've exchanged a lot of freedoms for a lot of responsibility and it makes you take everything a lot more seriously.

I agree with all the advice the others have given you and just know you're not alone

[My2Beauties]

Girl we have definitely all BTDT. When I had Hanna I was 23 years old, not quite finished with college, unmarried, and unsure of myself, very unsure. I failed two classes the last semester I went to school because of absences, I was so nauseated in the mornings and tired that I missed too many classes, so I failed. Then I took off the next semester and I got really far behind. I had to learn how to juggle a full time job, school part time and a new baby. I was very overwhelmed and I, too, felt like I did it all on my own. Heck even to this day sometimes I wanna bonk DH on the head for not helping out sometimes. He is great with housework, but baths, getting dressed, doing hair etc etc is all mommy duties!! Makes me wanna ring his neck sometimes because I'm running around trying to get her ready before we go somewhere or something and he's just sitting on the couch! BUT......I finished school, I am doing really well at my current position, I have definitely got the swing of the whole mommy thing and every single day the more I look at my daughter, even if she's just told me no and screamed at me that she's not going to do something, I just wanna pick her up and squeeze her really tight, because I just LOVE her so much, I mean she is my absolutely world and I would never, in a million years, take her back. My chaotic life, huh, I wouldn' trade it for my old easy peaceful life anymore! PPD is very real and it happens to the best of us. Your hormones are going crazy hon, give yourself a break. You aren't alone and you are a wonderful mommy. Talk openly with Sal and let him know how you're feeling and take a much needed mommy break - go out and get a manicure or a pedicure or a massage or something for a couple of hours, then treat yourself to an ice cream with a friend. Let Sal do daddy duties for a couple hours!!!

[mysweetpeasWil&Wes]

You're not alone sweetie. Keep that in mind. There is plenty of support out there. Whether it be sitting down with Sal and telling him more of what you need, or finding a mom's group. I am very active in a mom's group and have found that both the activities for the kids and just for moms alone has really helped. The interaction with other moms, both experienced and new, really does put perspective on it all. Also, know that it's never too late to start your career or go back to school. FWIW, I chose to have children WAY after I had done all of that (ie; finish college and had a career), but truthfully, nothing has been more fulfilling to me than having children. School is important, don't get me wrong, but when it comes to my emotional well-being, I have never felt more confident and grounded by the joy I receive from being a mother. There is always time to do the things you want in life, like having a good job and a degree, but I truly believe that the opportunity to have children will not always be there. So hey, you're doing it now! Just sit back and enjoy the moment!

[A&A'smommy]

I was 18 when I had alyssa and when I first got pregnant I had ALL of those thoughts (i was 17 when i got pg) and it was SOOO hard I kept thinking of the things I should be out doing instead of sitting in my house feeling huge and lonely!!!

After I had her I still had some of those thoughts.. and sometimes now I do to.. its hard being a young mom but I wouldn't trade my monkey for anything.

You can STILL be something your young, beautiful, smart and keep your goals of going to school I promise you, your little princess will be SO proud of you for doing what YOU want to do with yourself!!! You still have lots of time so don't stress too much.

And don't forget we are here for you to vent, cry, whatever!!!

[Maddie&EthansMom]

Nope, you definitely aren't alone. You are so young. You have plenty of time to become all you want to be. Nothing will hold you back if you are determined. My DH doesn't help out, either. He brings home the bacon and that's about it. I know the feeling of having it all on your shoulders and when they are that small and that needy it's SO hard to keep it together. But you can and you will. You're a great mom. When Bella is a bit older and you are able to see the adoration and love in her eyes that she has for you, it will all make sense. It takes time, but you'll get there. Every single mom has been in your shoes. I'm glad you decided to talk about it.

[Boo&BugsMom]

Jess, what you are feeling is what every mother feels after having a baby. It's so normal. Don't feel bad. I felt this way after Tanner was born too, but it wasn't PPD, it was just the fact that I was hit with a big dose of reality that was life changing. A good life changing, but it just hits you. When we had Tanner it prevented me from going back to school too, but I know God has a plan and that everything works out in the end, whatever the outcome. You still have your whole life ahead of you! Think of it that way! After time, it will get better. It's just an adjustment period that happens when anyone has a child. The best thing you can do is surround yourself with loving, kind, and supportive people and get out of that house! Don't feel bad if you have to take a day or two off from watching the other child. You need a break just like everyone else.

This post has been edited by TannerBugsMom on Sep 14 2006, 12:58 PM