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> Alone and Pregnant, Single Parents
queen_19_39
Posted: Apr 5 2005, 07:48 PM
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Hello everyone, I'm new to the message boards. I've never thought I would have to post message like this but since finding out I was pregnant back in January, my social life has changed and I've really had no one to talk to.

I made the mistake of getting involved with a former co-worker at my old job and the relationship came to an end when I told my baby's father that I was pregnant. He wanted me to get an abortion beacuse he had 3 other kids and he's raising them on his own and he claims his current financial situation would not afford him the luxury of feeding another mouth. I told him that he and I could find a way to raise this child together but he wasn't hearing it. He wanted me to get an abortion end of story. I don't believe in abortion especially since he and I are adults and knew what we were doing.

Our fellow co-workers found out and basically they sided with him telling him I was crazy for having this baby because our relationship was less than 6 months. But my feeling is, I was a partly responsible for getting pregnant and I didn't feel that killing the baby was right. I left that job the following week and started a new one. No one from my old job except for one lady has kept in touch with me. The co-workers have basically been consoling my baby's father and convinced him that I'm wrong. He even had his friends try to talk me into getting a abortion. People I only met once but dont know personally telling me to kill my baby because it wasn't fair to my baby's father to have the baby.

My baby's father hounded and begged me to get an abortion for about 3 weeks then he gave up saying he wanted nothing to do with me or the baby and couldn't understand why I would want to have a baby by a man I barely knew. My response to him was, "Why would you have sex with a woman you barely know?" He didnt answer. He even went as far as trying to compare his abandoning this child to giving it up for adoption. i told him that people who give their kids up for adoption do it because they love their kids and they want something better for them. He's just abandoning our child for his own selfish reasons. He's knows what he's doing is wrong but he wants to listen to his friends.

He and alot of people have made me feel like I'm doing something wrong by keeping this baby. I sometimes cry at night because I feel alone with no to talk to. My immediate family has been there for me, but socially my friends have been absent. Its like I've been banished if that makes any sense to anybody. It's like no one wants to be around me anymore. I've been told by people to stay positive and be happy and know I did the right thing, but I sometimes get depressed and sad because my son is gonna grow up without his father.
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alice&arik
Posted: Apr 5 2005, 08:35 PM
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Hun I feel so bad for you! grouphug.gif grouphug.gif My name is Alice ,I am a single mom. My son's dad died when I was 3 months pregnant. I had no idea how I was going to do it and even considered adoption. But I am so happy to have him with me, he changed my life and I love him more than anything.

I think you did do the right thing and kept your baby. That guy sounds like a jerk anyway and not like a responsible father.

Being a single mom is no way easy, it has been the hardest thing I have done in my life. Especially since I don't have any family near me. I hope your friends help pull you through this. grouphug.gif

If you want you can PM me or email me. wavey.gif


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GavinsMommy
Posted: Apr 6 2005, 04:52 AM
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That's a tough situation. It must be hard to go through something like that. I KINDA know how you feel though. Sorta wink.gif

I'm 18, hubbie is 25, and I met my husband and the first time we were intimate we concieved our 4 month old son. Before we got pregnant, he had said that he wanted a child with me. We didn't TRY to have him, but it happened. After that he brought up abortion because he was scared. His father left him when he was about 3 years old. So I felt very alone also. Someone I loved was asking me to abort our son????? But we stuck it out and he got over it. A few months later we got married and four months ago our beautiful boy was born wub.gif Jerimiah really loves him, but he needs to learn to spend more time with him because he is always playing video games rolleyes.gif

But to your situation...I think you should forget about him. Easier said than done, I know. But he obviously is serious if he is getting his friends to ask you to have an abortion. It doesn't seem like this is just a phase he is going through and will get over. You CAN do it alone. You can get through this. Just enjoy your pregnancy and your baby and forget what everyone else says. You know what is right! You don't have to give your baby up either. Get help if you need to, but you can do it. That baby is there for a reason and whether or not he has anything to do with it doesn't matter. Baby sounds better off without him for a "father" anyway.

We're all here to help! grouphug.gif

This post has been edited by GavinsMommy on Apr 6 2005, 04:55 AM


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JAYMESMOM
Posted: Apr 6 2005, 04:59 AM
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My heart goes out to you. You have made one of the hardest but most responsible decisions you could make in your life. And you should be commended! He is the one who will have to deal with his own actions. Your friends probably don't really know how to relate to your new life. If they don't have kids they don't know how to act. Give them time - if they cannot accept your choice and accept you and your baby then they really weren't your friends in the first place. Take great comfort in knowing your family is there for you. Family is the one thing that will get you thru it. Being a single parent isn't easy. I do it 25 days out of the month (my husband is on the road for work.) The joy that child will bring you is worth every sleepless night they will bring you to. Hang in there and enjoy the blessings of being a mother. smile.gif forum_balloon.gif


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PascosGirl
Posted: Apr 6 2005, 05:13 AM
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I commend you for your decision. You stuck to your guns and soon you will have a precious baby that will bring so much joy and happiness to your life.

I think the guy sounds like a real butthole. Anyone that is too selfish too care that they are bringing a child into the world is not someone you need to be around in the first place. As hard as it may be, you are doing the right thing.

I hope that you pursue child support and at least make him financially responsible for the baby. Whether he wants a relationship with the baby or not. He helped create it.

I hope you get better.


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mummy2girls
Posted: Apr 7 2005, 06:06 PM
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I wanted to send you some hugs(((((HUGS)))))

I am a singlemom to a 2 year old girl jenna. I have been since the beginning. Me and her daddy have broken up but still in each other lives. It is a very hard job being a singlemom believe me but when you are holding that precious one in your arms you know its all worth it!

My situation i was goign through with my first pregnancy is so much liek yours. I only knew himf or a bit and when i told him i was pregnant he wanted to me to abort him. And then when i refused he pushed the adoption thing. He was just a butt! He did tell me he didnt want to be with me and he even denyed my son being his also. Then he left and went back to an ex and got her pregnant at the same time i was. I lost my son due tio a very dealdy illness and a rare disease.

If you need someone to talk to you can pm me or email me also... stalma@shaw.ca


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bwalkerletters
Posted: Apr 8 2005, 01:10 PM
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You definitely made the right decision to keep your baby. As sad as it is, when my ex and I split, she had just found out she was pregnant with our baby Katie. She said she wanted to have an abortion since we weren't going to be together. I didn't agree at ALL with her. I was extremely happy to find out I was going to be having my 2nd child, while she was frantic. Anyways, I have been in a similar situation but on the side of it from a man's perspective. It wasn't easy for me at all not being there through the whole pregnancy with her, because I was heavily involved when she was pregnant with Maddie. Anyways, everything will work out, and don't worry if his father doesn't want to be in the picture. You'll find someone who will want to be, and don't settle with anyone that doesn't REALLY want to be. I find that since I've been dating again, that there are a lot of women who ACT like they love kids, but when it comes down to it, they really don't want to be involved with someone with kids. You'll run into the same thing too, but don't settle, that's all........ smile.gif
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PascosGirl
Posted: Apr 8 2005, 09:07 PM
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QUOTE (bwalkerletters @ Apr 8 2005, 04:10 PM)
You definitely made the right decision to keep your baby. As sad as it is, when my ex and I split, she had just found out she was pregnant with our baby Katie. She said she wanted to have an abortion since we weren't going to be together. I didn't agree at ALL with her. I was extremely happy to find out I was going to be having my 2nd child, while she was frantic. Anyways, I have been in a similar situation but on the side of it from a man's perspective. It wasn't easy for me at all not being there through the whole pregnancy with her, because I was heavily involved when she was pregnant with Maddie. Anyways, everything will work out, and don't worry if his father doesn't want to be in the picture. You'll find someone who will want to be, and don't settle with anyone that doesn't REALLY want to be. I find that since I've been dating again, that there are a lot of women who ACT like they love kids, but when it comes down to it, they really don't want to be involved with someone with kids. You'll run into the same thing too, but don't settle, that's all........ smile.gif

Good advice!


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bwalkerletters
Posted: Apr 9 2005, 04:27 AM
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Just life experience that's all wink.gif
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PascosGirl
Posted: Apr 9 2005, 07:39 AM
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QUOTE (bwalkerletters @ Apr 9 2005, 07:27 AM)
Just life experience that's all wink.gif

Well isn't life experience the best advice of all?? I would rather hear from someone that has done it than someone who learned it in a book. JMO


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bwalkerletters
Posted: Apr 9 2005, 07:55 AM
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very true.......that's why I'd be more attracted to someone divorced than never married! smile.gif haha
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PascosGirl
Posted: Apr 9 2005, 08:10 AM
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QUOTE (bwalkerletters @ Apr 9 2005, 10:55 AM)
very true.......that's why I'd be more attracted to someone divorced than never married! smile.gif haha

Well let me go and file right now! lol Just kidding!! I was divorced when I met my DH. He didn't mind and he had never been married and had no kids. My oldest son is from my first marriage. He loves him so much. Best step dad and best husband a girl could have, IMO! thumb.gif


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bwalkerletters
Posted: Apr 9 2005, 08:12 AM
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That's not what I meant!! tongue.gif That's great! I was a stepdad too, so I've stepped into that role just like your husband as well. That's great that you have someone good in your life! smile.gif
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PascosGirl
Posted: Apr 9 2005, 08:43 AM
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QUOTE (bwalkerletters @ Apr 9 2005, 11:12 AM)
That's not what I meant!! tongue.gif That's great! I was a stepdad too, so I've stepped into that role just like your husband as well. That's great that you have someone good in your life! smile.gif

I knew it wasn't what you meant. lol I was KIDDING! I have a weird sense of humor. Some people just don't get it. lol

When I got divorced, my first hubby was a real jerk, if you know what I mean. He always said no one would want me because I was stupid and had a kid. lol I was like, yeah whatever...but deep down, I believed him. I was afraid no one would want me. I waited a long time to date and then dated a few guys that were nice, but there wasn't a spark there. Then I met Seth and he was the most awesome guy. I knew from the first time I met him that we would marry each other. I know people don't believe in perfect marriages, but we really have it. Well except he is in the military and in Europe now. He comes home next month! YAY! lol Sorry, I talk a lot. biggrin.gif


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bwalkerletters
Posted: Apr 9 2005, 08:47 AM
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Yeah, well, the right person came along for you, so hopefully it does for me! smile.gif In Europe huh?? My Brother-in-law is about to head to Iraq for the FOURTH time next month. He's a great great guy and I hope nothing happens to him. He and my step-sister have 2 beautiful boys...........
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PascosGirl
Posted: Apr 9 2005, 09:34 AM
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QUOTE (bwalkerletters @ Apr 9 2005, 11:47 AM)
Yeah, well, the right person came along for you, so hopefully it does for me! smile.gif In Europe huh?? My Brother-in-law is about to head to Iraq for the FOURTH time next month. He's a great great guy and I hope nothing happens to him. He and my step-sister have 2 beautiful boys...........

My man has been there too. I hated it.

Yeah, we just got back from Europe about 2.5 weeks ago. It was awesome. 4th time I have been there. It was nice seeing him and he hadn't seen the baby since he was born, so that was good.

I know you will find someone. I mean, I don't think most women care that you cheer for a team with two mascots. WAR EAGLE - TIGERS! lol


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queen_19_39
Posted: Apr 9 2005, 04:57 PM
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I would like to thank everybody for their wishes and support. I am happy that I will become a mother. But somethimes when I see baby's with fathers and mothers together. I get sad because I know it should be that way for me and my unborn son too. I feel ashamed at times and embarrassed when people ask me where's the father. And I have to tell them he abandoned me and the baby because I wouldn't have an abortion.
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bwalkerletters
Posted: Apr 9 2005, 05:11 PM
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Well, you're doing the right thing. Trust me, I wish my girls had their mother and father together, but that's not how things were meant to work............You ARE doing the right thing. Just have some male role models in his life and he'll be fine. smile.gif
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PascosGirl
Posted: Apr 11 2005, 08:05 AM
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QUOTE (queen_19_39 @ Apr 9 2005, 07:57 PM)
I would like to thank everybody for their wishes and support. I am happy that I will become a mother. But somethimes when I see baby's with fathers and mothers together. I get sad because I know it should be that way for me and my unborn son too. I feel ashamed at times and embarrassed when people ask me where's the father. And I have to tell them he abandoned me and the baby because I wouldn't have an abortion.

It is natural to be sad. I have a husband and he is away, all the time, and I get sad too. I really hope you have a good support system with family or friends. You will need someone when the baby comes.

Good luck!


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CCTandME
Posted: Apr 11 2005, 08:52 AM
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QUOTE (queen_19_39 @ Apr 9 2005, 07:57 PM)
I would like to thank everybody for their wishes and support. I am happy that I will become a mother. But somethimes when I see baby's with fathers and mothers together. I get sad because I know it should be that way for me and my unborn son too. I feel ashamed at times and embarrassed when people ask me where's the father. And I have to tell them he abandoned me and the baby because I wouldn't have an abortion.

Just because people are together, doesn't mean happines or a good situation. My BF did NOT want our 3rd daughter. Never asked when I was due, how I was feeling, how was the Drs. Nothing! I didn't want him there at her birth, but I didn't want to tell her later that he was there for her sisters, but not her. It's stressful being pregnant alone, but you will make it through and once your baby is born you will feel such happiness. I disagree w/ some people. I wouldn't want money from a jerk who treated my kid like that.


This post has been edited by CCTandME on Apr 11 2005, 09:54 AM


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Nikki101
Posted: May 31 2005, 06:38 AM
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Wow, I know somewhat of what you are going through. I was with the father for 5 years before I got pregnant, we even discussed getting married and everything before hand. Then when I found out i was pregnant he decided he couldn't deal with it and left me for someone else ( or a few others actually). I contemplated on abortion because I didn't know if I could do this on my own, my family lives about 3 hours away from me and all my friends have no kids. So I was very much on my own.

But I decided that I could do it and I am glad I did because my daughter is my world. Just after having her I was diagnosed with endimetrioses (spelt wrong) and I had to have a hystorectomy so now I can't have kids. I think things happen for a reason.

Now my daughters father has decided that he wants nothing to do with her and I think it is better that way no more yo yo in and out of her life.

And not to meantion it is hard because he is with my "ex" best friend. (she was one of the ones he was with when I found out I was pregnant) mad.gif

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c0mplexual
Posted: Jul 2 2005, 09:32 PM
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You definately did the right thing in choosing to keep your baby! I know right now things seem so difficult, and you may feel alone and depressed. But look at the miracle you're performing right now! The hurt will eventually ease. And everytime you look into your baby's eyes, you'll KNOW you made the right decision.

I was with my son's father for 10 yrs on and off (from the time we were 15, until the time we were 25-I'm 26 now). I wasn't near ready for a child. Our relationship was getting really rocky and i was at the point of leaving him. He decided in order to keep me around, he would poke holes in the condoms in hopes of getting me pregnant so i might stick around. However, after i found out that i was in fact pregnant, he changed his mind. Stating that he "cant afford" a child at that time. (and every other BS excuse he could come up with).

I decided to keep my baby. And guess what? My son's father is NOT around and HASN'T been since my son was 2 months old. (hes 1 & 1/2 now).

As stressful as its been being a single mom. The rewards are far greater than the stress. Now that i have my son, i cant imagine NOT having him. I cant remember what life was like without him. He's the center of my universe!

You can do it on your own hun. It might be hard, but its definately do-able! I was depressed and miserable for a long time after leaving my son's father. I didnt want my son growing up without a dad in his life. But u know what? Hes JUST FINE! And sometimes i'm happy i have him all to myself anyway. lol

Things WILL get better. *nods*


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This post has been edited by c0mplexual on Jul 2 2005, 09:33 PM


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stanleygirl
Posted: Jul 3 2005, 04:53 AM
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You are giving your child the gift of life, and anyone who treats you badly bc of your choice should be ashamed of themselves. When I got preggo with my first son, I had only been with my now dh for 9 months. The pregnancy was not planned, but I knew as soon as I got the test back that I was going to keep the baby. Yeah some ppl thought it was irresposible to have the baby, when our relationship was so new, and bc we didnt have a ton of money in the bank.
You don't need a ton of money to have a child, yeah it is nice, if you have it, but kids require love first and foremost, and you obviously love your baby. Remember, these ppl who are telling you what you should do, they do not have to live with the choice, and we all know how easy it is to tell someone what to do when we are not in the position. As for this guy, he sounds very irresponsible, and I am very sorry that he is not supporting you through this.
Forget all those ppl, bc your child is much more important than any of them, and they obviously were not true friends anyways.

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mizraim
Posted: Jul 4 2005, 12:03 AM
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QUOTE (queen_19_39 @ Apr 9 2005, 07:57 PM)
But somethimes when I see baby's with fathers and mothers together. I get sad because I know it should be that way for me and my unborn son too. I feel ashamed at times and embarrassed when people ask me where's the father.

LIFE GOES ON!

This post has been edited by mizraim on Jul 4 2005, 12:03 AM


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queen_19_39
Posted: Aug 14 2005, 04:41 PM
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i want to thank all of you for your support. it really helps me.

i'm due in two more weeks to have my son and as soon as i do i will post a pic of him. biggrin.gif
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