going sugar free

[cameragirl21]

ok, so I skipped yesterday as far as journaling but still no sugar and this is day 14. It is starting to get a bit tedious but I think that is only because I intend to take things up a notch next week...may as well go for the gusto. Still feeling fine but I do miss having dessert. If I make it through till Monday it will officially be the longest I've ever gone without dessert.
So starting next week, I think I'll stick to fish, veggies, fruits, almonds, and raw milk, along with garbanzo beans and various spices. If I can just do that for the remainder of the time, I should do great. Then I'll allow in moderate amounts of dessert but I think maybe that is where I'm failing, by allowing in other things, although I have to admit, I've been eating really well...the only thing really left to cut out is cheese and I mostly eat the low fat version of that anyway. But that too will go, and actually I will also maybe have small amounts of pumpernickel bread, not that I'm much into bread anyway. Oh yeah, and eggs. They are allowed too. The only thing I hate about this is that it seems like food is always on my mind, trying to determine what is allowed and what isn't. But I'm determined to make this work.
Oh, and my trainer went nuts on me yesterday, it was literally like a lovers' quarrel and it really wigged me out, I feel like he's trying to turn me into his barbie doll and that so isn't happening. He's on vaca for most of next week and I am seriously going to entertain working out without him if it goes well on my own next week. Or maybe getting another trainer. I did have a flingy with a personal trainer from my past and that so isn't happening again. I also can't deal with crazy outbursts, especially from guys so we'll see how that goes but I swear I couldn't stand to be around him yesterday. I can't say I ever really liked him in the first place, I mean, he's a great trainer but I wish he just wouldn't talk to me about anything other than, "ok, now let's go do 12 reps on this machine...." I just have no desire to converse with him about anything and that is saying a lot because I'm usually up for conversation with just about anyone. I hate the way he always keeps me after we're done to just talk, it really irks me. Anyway, I am looking forward to going it alone next week and if I feel I can be as productive on my own then that is how it's going to be going forward, unless I can find another trainer who doesn't talk too much or hit on me.
Had a weird dream last night about Valentina, this model I photographed quite a bit in the past...don't know what that's all about but wonder if it has to do with my sugar fast...Valentina didn't have an extra inch of fat on her anywhere and that is really what I remember most about her. Wonder if this dieting is getting to my head...at Whole Foods today, the cashier's name was Dietra and all I could think about was that her name had the word diet in it...I almost pointed it out but decided not too, since she looked like she could use a diet herself. As I said previously, the only truly irksome thing about all this is my newfound obsession with dieting and weight loss and it seems to consume my mind in unhealthy ways so I need to work on putting a stop to that.
Other than that, as I said, it's day 14 and I feel fine.

[cameragirl21]

Today was day 15 and other than my breaking down and getting potato chips, I did fine. I was so tired, didn't go to bed till 4am and woke up at 9 and was not the most productive today but I do feel fine as far as sugar goes. Tomorrow I am kicking things into high gear by removing most of the fats and unnecessary calories...no more cheese. I want to at least see if this gives me a boost this week. I know I can get through this, even though I know it will be hard.
Anyway, I'm now halfway there and I feel fine.

[cameragirl21]

Today is day 18 and I am done...I bought a dessert to have today. It's not because I couldn't take it any longer but rather because I realized last night that it's counterproductive...case in point--yesterday, I had a small bag of baked potato chips...the day before that, I had a large bowl of mac and cheese and the day before that, I had a large bag of not baked, fully fattening potato chips and I didn't want any of those things, I wanted sweets but I was acting out, getting something forbidden to make up for what I couldn't have, much like a child of overly protective parents suddenly rebelling by doing dangerous things even if s/he doesn't really want to do them but rather just wants to break the rules. I was never a big rule follower to begin with so it was bound to happen.
So I have a new plan...no unhealthy foods at all except dessert, which I'll have pretty much daily but in small amounts. I think that will have a much better success rate, be more effective and leave me feeling less moody.
So here's to that and to the sliver of flourless chocolate cake I'll be having after lunch.
Took a long walk on the beach this morning and really enjoyed that, think I'll start doing that regularly.