Ok hello Everyone.....

This is my first post on the forum, so I want to say thank you in advance for any answers. I am a 28 year old mother of 3 children. My eldest is 9 year old Shelby. She is my pride and joy, and has helped me through so many things. Shelby's father and I separated shortly after her birth, and I moved to another state. She still gets to visit with him on holidays, and I always make sure she can contact him any time she wishes. I believe myself to be a good mother, and try to equally balance being a wife, mother and professional.

I remarried 4 years ago, to a wonderful man. Together we have two children, and Shelby. He has fully accepted her as his own child, but I am having a huge problem that has been building over the past 2 years. Shelby has been diagnosed with ADHD and I have tried to treat it naturally and with therapy. We are running into several issues with her behavior, including lying, talking back and purposely not doing things asked of her. I have come to accept that a small part of this is her age, but I also know some of the things she does are of her own will; knowing she should know better.

So here is my issue......my husband and I do not see eye to eye on how to deal with these issues. He has become increasingly angry and short tempered with her, believing that she can control her actions and is choosing not to. We argue quite often over what the right punishment is, and how to control his words as to not make her feel less of a person and hurt her confidence and self image. My issue is that I feel as though I have to choose between my husband or my daughter. When we argue over how to handle these situations, he simply dismisses my ideas and gets angry stating that I am taking her side and I am simply wanting to be her "best Friend" so to speak. I want to know if anyone else has ever felt this way, and how should I go about handling it?

He is a wonderful caring father, and great provider. I love him so much and honestly believe, as a Christian woman, that he is the person I am supposed to be with. I just don't always approve of what he says or does when she needs to be punished. I would just like some guidance as to what I can do or say to help the situation. I have learned that in the heat of the moment it is not a good idea to tell him I don't approve, and I am honestly so tired of crying and feeling like I have to choose between my husband or my child. I was always taught your children are the most important people in your life, but I also believe that your spouse is the other half that helps you nurture and care for the children that will one day leave your home, leaving you and your spouse to live out the rest of your days together.

Thanks!