Need some advice

OK, I'm having a bit of difficulty here. I think I'm about to crack and could really use some advice. Here's the scenario...
I stay at home with the boys, one of whom I homeschool (first grade) and the other of course is a 3m old that demands a lot of attention. Between the breastfeeding and other general care, it's a lot of time. We also have our own business that I do all of the paperwork and errands that concern it. For a trucking business, that's a LOT of paperwork and errands. I of course have the house I tend to (when I can), bills to pay, etc. and general mother/wife roles. I feel like I'm constantly trying to cram 30 hrs of work into a 24 hr day. Waylon has been eating non-stop for the last 2 1/2 weeks, which is not helping the situation. A few mornings ago it really came down on me, as Waylon had just woke to eat, my husband was in the middle of trying to "woo" me and Will came in wanting some breakfast. My DH said something about all of them needing something from me at the same time, laughing. That seemed to be the turning point of my being able to hold my crap together. I mentioned to DH this morning about how I am exhausted, and feel like I'm on edge. He just said, well you just need a nap probably. Well, what I need is some darn help around the house and with the kids. I know he works very hard, and long hours. And when he's home he will take the baby and hang out with him and play a video game or something with Will, but I am in desperate need of real help. Like when Waylon starts fussing he tends to pass him to me if he can't calm him down within a few minutes. He'll of course try to calm him down, but he's not real confidant in his ability I think.
I feel like I'm just a wimp, a weakling, a failure at something everyone else would handle with ease. Regardless though, I am feeling very stressed, depressed and overwhelmed. And of course DH expects me to want to DTD, which is the FURTHEST thing from my mind right now.
I guess the advice I'm looking for is maybe how to tell him what I'm needing without it sounding like I'm calling him a bad husband or dad, bc he's really not. He's great. I feel terrible for asking him to do more when he gets home from work, but I don't think I can go much longer like this... something has to give and soon.
I think if I at least had a schedule of sorts that may help, but it's so hard bc Waylon is still not on a real schedule yet, and with the business things come up at the last minute that have to be taken care of. The kids and the school and business come far before the house work and myself do, but I still have to be able to have clean clothes to wear, dishes to eat from and a clean tub/toilet to use. Forget about deep, spring cleaning... that's just a dream right now.
Anyway, I'm sorry this got so long. I guess I just needed to vent. Any advice will be appreciated though. And if you don't have any, that's ok, too. At least someone listened.

I would say try to get some "me" time of the weekends if you can try and get out alone and do stuff for you walk or shop. It would really help you feel better. Thats what i do.

You know we will always listen.

Do you get paid to do the trucking company work from home? If so, and/ or you can handle it financially, maybe you could hire someone to come in and clean the house or sit with the kids a few times a week.

FWIW- I've had the same conversation with my wife after our second was born.

Though I don't have the business side of it, DH works 7 - 5, and on tuesday and friday he coaches gymnastics, and on those days he has NO PART in helping with the kids.

I would sit down with your DH and just explain, that right now it is a little overwhelming with how demanding Waylon is and you feel like the walls are closing in because of all the responsibility that you have. Maybe you could suggest things that he could help with. Maybe each night after dinner he handles bath time and takes the baby for a little while so you can take a bath, or read a book.

Ok, I thought of a secret I use that might help....

Every now and then I just need to get out of the house. I don't want to leave my wife with the kids since she's been watching them all day while I've been at work..... So I put them in the stroller, grab the dog and go for a walk. Chloe walks for a while and then gets tired so she always ends up in the stroller.... Keian LOVES the stroller (he's almost 4 y/o btw). He'd sit in that thing until we reached the end of the earth.

It takes very little effort on my part - it's not like I have to "entertain" them- we just walk. They like it 'cuz they get out of the house.

Good for me, good for them, good for her.

But let's keep this secret between you, me and the 2.3453 trillion people visiting the internet every day.

I don't get paid to do the work, it's just my part of the business. My DH does the driving, I do everything else. And unfortunately we really can't afford to hire someone else to help with stuff.
I just bought a daily planner so I'm hoping it will help keep me more on track... I'm thinking that if I have things scheduled for a certain time, maybe I won't get off track too far and that may help with the stress.... I don't know. But I know I feel better venting about it. Now to deal with the building resentment towards my DH... it just kills me that he thinks I would have any sort of a sex drive right now. And he makes sure he gets his free time in. His account on xbox live is VERY well used.
Oh how I'd love for him to just say, here honey, let me take care of that, you go relax somewhere for a while. Never happen.

Ooooh, can't tell you how familiar this sounds....you just described me about five years ago.

First, I highly recommend scheduling what you can, and sticking to it. I know how hard that is when you're working from home. What it translates to is: "It must be URGENT to interrupt what I'm doing." I know from experience it won't eliminate all chaos from your day, especially with Waylon not really having a schedule, but with our business it did help for me to tell DH I had specific times for errands. It took some adjustment for both of us who were used to me dropping everything and scrambling out the door, but eventually it smoothed out.

So if you're schooling, and DH or whoever calls, tell them "I can do that at 1 this afternoon, does that work?" If you're nursing, just don't answer the phone, people can leave a message. Try to have a set time to do some paperwork, when Wesley is napping and you can keep Will occupied for 30 or 40 minutes. You'll be suprised how much you can get done if you have the chance to focus on ONLY that. If DH will go for it, you can even not answer the phone but promise to check the messages every hour or something, and set the first 15minutes of the next hour aside to return phone calls, fax things, answer emails.

Lastly, when you talk to DH, be point blank about it. Tell him "I know you are wiped out when you get home, but I really have to have an hour uninterrupted, to get caught up on work, or nap, fold laundry, whatever. Is there a set time that works for you?"

Good luck, I know what you're dealing with. Hang in there, with a little tweaking it will get better.

your probably just going to have to flat out tell him what you are feeling and trust I KNOW that is hard because we want them to just KNOW and volunteer but honestly sounds like you need a break tell him and tell him how down you are feeling!!! I hope everything gets easier for you soon!!!

I imparted these two pieces of wisdom on my wonderful, but not giving me the assistance I need husband shortly after Olivia was born.
Fact one~I expect to be touched/romance at times other than when "you want some" or it won't be happening with the enthusiasm or frequency you'd like.
Fact two~dishes , dusting, and laundry are now considered foreplay in my mind.

Truly . . .he had no idea!!!

It can be a difficult subject to broach which was why I chose to do it when I was not so mad I could hit him with the iron or between the sheets. I think it was car talk, IIRC. It definately was a conversation that got results, though.

I had this exact conversation when Jakob was born..
and you said it just perfectly when you wrote your post. I am sure if you explained it just like that he would understand.
I can tell you that I only had that talk once..now he doesnt give me the time every week or even every other week, but he does it when he can.

you feel just like most of us do..it doesnt reflect on you at all..

Yup...can't say it any more plain than that.

You have a lot on your plate. I remember when we just had Ashley, trying to run the business from home and take care of her at the same time... it was like trying to do two full-time jobs at once. And, I had DH at home to help and I still felt overwhelmed -- so I can imagine adding DH being gone, adding another kid in the mix, and trying to homeschool at the same time.

Personally, I think it is too much for one person. Maybe your DH can help out more with the paperwork and errands. Split the jobs around the house -- you cook, he does the dishes. You do the laundry during the week, he does it on weekends... whatever works for you. Men are wired differently than women. I think you have to be specific with them. If you say, "I need more help around the house" then they will think you are whining. But, if you say, "Honey, I am exhausted and need some help with the dishes" Or, "Do you want to get the kids ready for bed each night or do the dishes?"... something specific and direct works best. They just have blinders on and don't see what needs to be done, but most are willing to help with a little direction.

I think you just need to sit down and talk with him when you aren't upset about it. There is no way to word it that will make it easier - the truth hurts some times. I think he will be much happier in the end with you just laying it out on the table. Of course his ego might be bruised at first, wouldn't all of ours? I know I get a little bruised/defensive when Dh is honest with me, and vice versa.

Until Waylon gets on a schedule life is going to be chaotic, that's just how it is, in my eyes. And honestly, in my life, having two kids doesn't stop getting chaotic. At least it hasn't for us. Even now the girls are older life is just as chaotic as it was when they were little, just in different ways. Ryan and I are constantly still struggling to get things accomplished without losing our sanity. It takes a team and all teams don't run like well-oiled machines 24/7. We have our ups and downs of one or both of us feeling like we are taking on all the burden, we speak our minds, and try to make it better - it's ups and downs. I've also had to learn that just not everything is going to get done, no matter how organized, how prepared you are. That was a huge lesson for this OCD person....ME.

Just talk to your husband about being a team, raising your children together, and how you need his help. Don't just tell him you need his help, tell him HOW he can help, WHAT he can do, etc. For instance, I hate cooking dinner so Ryan does it, but I generally try to do the clean up (although he helps out a lot in this area) and why he's cooking I try to keep the girls entertained so he's not bothered. I wash and dry laundry, he tries to help me fold it especially when I have several loads piled high to fold. If I'm tired and the girls need a bath, he gives it and vice versa when he's tired. We have to work as a team from the time we get up until we go to bed because there aren't enough hours in the day for anyone.

Hang in there. I believe you are overly stressed because Waylon isn't on a schedule and BF is stressful sometimes.

Thanks everyone. I feel a little better today bc I coerced Waylon into going back to sleep for an extra hour this morning after he ate. And we don't have any errands to run today, either, so that will help. We can have all day at home to nap, eat, school, laundry, whatever. I will probably talk to DH this evening if he gets home at a decent time. If not tonight then soon, on a day when I feel ok so I won't be ugly to him.
I really, truly appreciate all the support and advice. I'll keep you all posted on how things go in the next little while. But please post if you have any other advice or anything -- I can use all I can get right now.

I sympathize with your situation, more often than not I see a pattern of guys who think they don't have to help because they work or whatever. I guess I don't get that and am in the minority. You need to let him know what is going on and that you really need his help.

and FYI

If dishes, laundry, etc are considered foreplay...I should be getting it all the time because I do all of that...I vacuum, change sheets (when requested).

The things I don't do is dusting, floors, real specific cleaning...not because I wouldn't but because:

1. I wouldn't do it to a level that would be accpetable to Jennie
2. She does it during the day when I am working.

Amen.