Sterilization

My husband and I are planning on him having a vasectomy after the baby is born. He is 37 yrs old and I am 29 yrs old. This is our 3rd child, so we feel our family will be complete. However, there is a part of me that is sad at the thought of not having any more children. I know that three is enough for me. For those of you that have chosen not to have more children. Which one of you had the procedure done and do you have any sad feelings? I mean, what told you that you were making the right decision.

We knew we were making the right decision because we only wanted 2 kids. #3 is a very welcome oops, but we definitely wanted to prevent additional oopsies.

I had a vasectomy after our fourth. If it helps, Lisa knew she was done having children. When I asked her how she knew, she said simply that she just knew. I hope it will be that easy for you. One thing my urologist said was that while vasectomies can be reversed, those that are reversible are slightly more likely to fail than the permanent ones (which I had). He also was very careful to ensure that we were finished having kids when we signed the papers.

after #3 my DH got the big V!

Now see I could just have babies indefinitely if it were up to me & money & time were no object. But since we both feel strongly about wanting to make sure our kids are well provided for both financially and emotionally..we agreed 3 was plenty!
I knew I was done too! That doesn't ean it wasn't a little bit sad, but to be honest, I think I would have been a TRAINWRECK if I had gotten my tubes tied where as I think men are more capeable of making a less emotional thing out of being done and having that chapter of their life behind them..so I think it's easier on men physically and emotionally than it is for a woman to have her tubes tied. My OB/GYN actually flat out refused to tie my tubes. he said the procedure was a lot bigger of a deal for a woman than it was for a man and there was absolutely no reason at all any woman should have to do that when it's a 10 minute procedure for a guy. I was like..Okay dude, LOL, I was just checking out our options! LOL

But seriously, there are days I am a little sad when one of my friends gets pregnant or liek right now my sister in law is pregnant, to know that I'll never be able to experience that again IS a little sad! But the pros FAR outweigh those few and far between sad moments!

I don't know how to make that decision, as we are not done having kids yet. But I doubt I'll make my DH get a vasectomy. The long-term risks of it worry me. I will not get my tubes tied either, so we'll have to use FAM (Fertility Awareness Method) or barrier methods as I won't put hormones in myself.

What exactly are the long term risks of vasectomy, Mollie?
Dh and I are at this crossroad ourselves. We are both 43, and I am certain I am "done'. I'm on to the next phase of my life now. That doesn't mean I don't feel a little ache when I see friends or relatives with babies, but having a baby at this point would be catastrophic in every way for my family.
Dh has agreed to do it, and I have to admit, the finality of it is daunting to me. The hesitation on my part is not reasonable or rational, but it's there. Eventually, I'm just going to have to get over it and think with my head and not my heart. Our sex lives will be the better for it.

I got a vasectomy after our 2nd child. My wife and I talked and agreed that 2 was enough, but she was worried about any possible side effects of a tubal ligation, and since I had no problems getting a vasectomy, it made the decision easy.

I'm sure she gets that feeling in her stomach when she sees other people with babies too.

Thank you for sharing your experiences. I feel a lot better that the sadness I am feeling is normal. I don't think I could handle more than three kids and I want to be able to financially take care of them and have enough time for all of them. My age is not a big factor because I'm only 29, but my husband is 37. Age is a big issue for him, plus after the kids are grown we should still have enough energy to have our time and to help take care of our grandbabies. I know in my heart it is the right decision and the reason we chose the vasectomy is because I do not take birth control because I have been very fortunate not having female problems or anything and I don't want something to mess that up. We use condoms and I have to admit that ruins the moment for me a lot of the time. LOL We did agree if I have a c-section with this baby then I will have my tubes tied, if not he will have the vasectomy done.

I got a tubal done because at that point I was an unmarried mother of 3 kids. My DH was still married to his first wife when Kyla was born. I hated being preggo, I did not want to be a single mother of yet another kid, I had considered putting both of my girls up for adoption (when I was preggo with them) but decided that I would keep them.

I knew it would incredibly hard raising just 3 on my own and DH and I were not thinking long-term. I didn't know if he would be around the next week let alone for the rest of my life so I knew I had to take care of it so I could never have any more. I am glad I did because we will be 41 and 42 when Kyla is 18. I won't be raising kids my whole life, I will actually be able to live it. I do get the baby-itch sometimes though but only for a few moments, then I see my nieces and nephews and it all goes away. (My sister has 4 kids, the oldest just turned 5 and the baby is about 3 wks)

we decided that three was enough financially, but we would have liked to have had more.
i had my tubes tied after a brief discussion with my ob at the same time i was told that i had to have a c section with my last, and he just said hey why i am in there do you want me to tie your tubes, we just said yes because at the time we were in shock about the c section and thought well its just easier..
i wish we had talked about it later at a different time. we spent the rest of the time fretting about the c section, not wondering if getting my tubes tied was what i wanted.
i have had more trouble from having my tubes tied. i have stronger longer heavier periods, and much more mood swings.
i also go thru times at least once a month where i am sorry i did it. there is just something about now knowing there will be no more babies as opposed to well, we wont be having more but i could if i wanted too.
if i could do it again dh would have the vas. and he agress with that also.

my hormones and moods have definately been effected.

http://dontfixit.org/

Vasectomy May Put Men At Risk For Type Of Dementia

We discussed this last night. Neither one of us wants another baby (a planned pregnancy), but neither one of us wants the finality of tieing tubes or getting the V. I am on BCP again (for the past year) due to massive period issues and so that and other forms are our BC for now. Dh hates that I have to feed my body with BCP as he knows how horrible they are for me, but for the sake of the period issues I have I have succumbed to taking them. SO that's our form of BCP for now. If I ever stop taking them, Dh will probably get a V.

Karen, you sound a lot like me in the period issues. I'm getting ready to go in for an in-office procedure called Novasure. It's uterine Ablation, where they laser off the uterine lining and afterwards you have either 1) no more periods or 2) minor spotting during your "period". I'll take either at this point! LOL


Trulyblessed: There are far more risks by being on BCP and for a woman to have her tubes tied, than for a man to get a vasectomy. My DH has NO regrets!! The recovery time and pain was minimal...and not to be TOO graphic but we were up to no good 1 day after! and he's yet to develop any of the diseases and travesties mentioned in the above laundry list.

GL Nichole. Let me know how it goes. I'm going to see my doc in May to talk to her about the issues again. She put me on a low dose pill to help and it has helped the "flow" per se, but I feel like I'm dealing with period/pms issues 3 weeks out of the month. So I only have one week where I feel somewhere close to normal. I can't stand it anymore because it really is affecting my life - tired, achy, crampy, etc, etc.

Sorry to get off topic here.

Why would you have that done if your DH got a vasectomy?

FTR, it can take years for these diseases to show up, but all that matters is the convenience of now, right?

Why would you have that done if your DH got a vasectomy?

FTR, it can take years for these diseases to show up, but all that matters is the convenience of now, right?

I hate to speak for Nichole here, but I think she's having the procedure done for herself due to heavy period issues. I don't know about her, but I'm desperate to do something NOW for my issues. I've tried everything and it's affecting my way of living and that's an issue when it comes to my kids, personally. ETA: I guess what I'm saying is she stated she's having it done for more period issues than birth control issues.

This post has been edited by coasterqueen on Apr 3 2008, 05:58 AM

Why would you have that done if your DH got a vasectomy?

FTR, it can take years for these diseases to show up, but all that matters is the convenience of now, right?

I hate to speak for Nichole here, but I think she's having the procedure done for herself due to heavy period issues. I don't know about her, but I'm desperate to do something NOW for my issues. I've tried everything and it's affecting my way of living and that's an issue when it comes to my kids, personally. ETA: I guess what I'm saying is she stated she's having it done for more period issues than birth control issues.

Thanks Karen; I wasn't clear on why she was having that done. I have neer heard of it before.

I must admit, I never heard of vasectomy being tied to all of those things before. You'd think there would have been some more info out in the general population. I'm a pretty skeptical medical consumer, Mollie, I am certainly not one to accept what the medical community says as gospel. But the procedure is hardly cutting edge (pun intended)- it's been around for years, and I would think that if the connection between vasectomy and dementia or lung cancer or whatever else was on that list was so clear, I'm pretty sure the info would have shown up somewhere in the mainstream media before. When you consider what the actual procedure entails, from a biological standpoint, I can't imagine how snipping a tiny little pathway could lead to lung cancer? Maybe I'm delusional, and I'm certainly no scientist, but it doesn't quite add up to me.
I have yet to come across a perfect or even acceptable birth control method for females. They all have proven risks I'm not willing to take. On the other side of the coin, I'm not in a position to have 5, 6, 7 kids as you seem to be. Rhythm is becoming less reliable for us now that af is a little erratic as I age. We have to do something. If not this, then what???

Mollie is right. It's called PPA (primary progressive aphasia) but it's a rare form of Dementia. I don't think that should stop a man from getting one. There are so many other things that can also cause Dementia.
Source

I think I would be the one to get fixed. I would want everything cut and burned and all that lovely stuff. My thing is if the whole object is for us to have no more kids then I'll be darned if I'm going to deal with AF.

So you want to have a hysterectomy Crystal? That's a major step and can lead to a lot of hormonal issues, but I'm sure you'll research it good before you do it!

I'm not worried about Rick getting dementia, he can't remember anything now anyways! LOL no seriously, those risks are so minimal that the pros of a the big v far outwieghed the cons!

Karen, you're correct..I'm having HORRIBLE period issues that are so bad I feel like I can't even leave the house without a change of clothes the first two days of my period. I'll let ya know how it goes, I had my ultrasound for it yesterday..they're going to be calling to schedule the surgery within the next couple of days!

Yes, I'll do research. They can take all the goods. I don't care. I won't need them. I just can't see not being able to have kids (because dh gets the "V") but me still having to deal with AF. He always gets the good deal. I get pg and I have to gain the weight and deal with pregnancy (which I can't stand) and he gets an easy ride. When it comes to making things permanent it will be my turn. Besides, I'm getting old anyway. Menopause will soon set in. Well, not right now but it will happen sooner then later. Only 5 more years till I hit 40.

I don't think they'll do a hysterectomy unless it's necessary....I wish they would cause I feel the same way.

There are alot more complications then they tell you about. My husband can tell you about them.... He got his done when Russell was 2 months old and still has swelling problems and really bad pain problems off and on. It will go away for a while and then come back out of the blue. He has been to tons of different specialists for it and none have found a cure for the problem. He was even seeing a pain specialist. When we were at Ft Knox and he travelled...We have a bill for every time he left home to another state from his visits to the ER.

well there is another form of BC if you really dont want anymore......

In July of this year, my vas deferens will have been cut for 15 years. I did have a complication, which I'll detail below for anyone who wants to read it. Of course any surgical procedure comes with some risk, but as Jeanne said, I'm pretty well read and while I've read of some of the concerns Mollie wrote of, most appear, at least to the medical community at large, to be non-issues. Again, any surgical procedure can produce complications, but vasectomy is widely considered one of the safest forms of birth control. Any concerns should certainly be discussed with your husband's urologist before any decision is made for the procedure. One thing that my urologist was emphatic about was that even though there has been some luck with vasectomy reversal, the procedure should be considered a permanent form of birth control for partners discussing alternatives.

I have more than 20 friends who have had vasectomies and only one had a serious post vasectomy complication - admittedly his own fault. He experienced infection of one of his testicles because he did experience some bruising and bleeding and failed to keep the incision site clean. He wound up with quite a serious infection. It was successfully treated with antibiotics and a drain, and today he feels no ill effects. One other acquaintance got his wife pregnant after his vasectomy. They had unprotected whoopie before all of his "little guys" were gone.

The National Institute of Health has an excellent vasectomy safety guide that discusses the procedure and it's possible complications.
http://www.nichd.nih.gov/publications/pubs...tomy_safety.cfm

My Vasectomy Complication
I was injured as a boy "down there" and some scar tissue developed. Since then I've had a little bit of pain in my right testicle - kind of an all-the-time dull throb. I discussed this with my doctor before the procedure and he had already noted the scar tissue during his exam of my testicles. He warned me that sometimes men who have had severe trauma to the testicles sometimes feel more discomfort after the procedure than others. Well "more discomfort" was a bit of an understatement. When he injected the Novocaine into my right testicle, I nearly came off the table. He said, "Sorry, that's what I was talking about." I think I probably used some unkind words.

He asked me if I wanted him to continue and the Novocaine was starting to work on it so I told him to proceed. After the procedure he gave me a tight wrap and a pair of binding briefs. He said when the Novocaine wore off I would probably feel moderate discomfort. He prescribed a narcotic pain reliever and told me not to be surprised if it swelled up some. Well, let me tell you, it felt like someone was continually kicking me down there for about four days before the pain started to ebb. I didn't tolerate the pain killers very well so I went on high doses of ibuprofen, which didn't do a whole lot. My favorite buddy was my ice bag.

After the four days in Hades the pain started to ease and within a week it was merely a dull ache. After two weeks I was once again able to experience erection and ejaculation without excruciating discomfort. Slowly this pain too eased to the background ache that I've had since I was a boy. This still exists to this day but is not a result of the procedure. So, there you have my vasectomy story. It just doesn't read as joyfully as a birth story, nor does it give one the warm fuzzies, so I understand if you didn't get to the end.