pre-school, having problems adjusting

[maliksmommy]

Hello, some of you might remember me. It has been quite a long time since I have been able to post. Work had us blocked for quite a few years but am able to get back on. I need some advice:) Malik just started pre-school this week and is having a hard time adjusting. He has been in a home daycare before but there was no structure which was why I switched him. They are very structured at his school and I know it's new to him but I don't want my kid to be the bad one. When I picked him up yesterday the teacher told me he had been hitting. He is not usually a hitter but can get very frustrated sometimes and doesn't know how to show his feelings without throwing a temper. I just want some advice as to what to do when he gets like that. It is just me and him at home so there are times when I get frustrated myself and I don't want that rubbing off on him.

[kit_kats_mom]

OMG! Diann!!!!!!!!!! I thought you fell off of the face of the earth. HI!

I don't really have any advice for you. K had some issues when she started a preschool program but it wasn't hitting, more shyness and anxiety. Lauren is my
easily frusterated child and she's not started a public program yet.

If it were me, I'd probably ask the teacher if s/he has any suggestions. Maybe let the teacher know that you really want to work with the school to help Malik adjust. Try to make your days jibe with the school's schedule when you guys are home so he know's what to expect. Take him to places where there are groups of kids (museums, playgrounds etc) and watch him closely. Try to figure out what frusterates him. Is it the actions of other kids? His own inability to do something that he wants to do? Then try to help him figure out other ways to express his anger. Hitting pillows, screaming, deep breaths, etc. My girls both do a growl, kind of like Homer Simpson, when they get irritated. DH says I do it (never noticed that) and they are copying me. Also, when you get irritated and he's around, point it out and let him help you problem solve. "Grrr, mommy is really frusterated! I can't figure out how to stop this faucet from dripping. What should mommy do to calm down Malik? Any ideas?".

I hope something there helps.

Any recent pics?

[amynicole21]

Diann!!!!! I am so glad to see you Sophia has been having the same troubles this week, and she has been in a public daycare since she was 3 months old. I think it may have something to do with their age... at least I am hoping. Maybe it's got something to do with their birthdate too

His daycare should recognize that this is an adjustment for him. It will take a week or so before he gets the hang of the social dynamics there. Still, he may have issues, but he is not the first kid to act out there. They *should* know how to deal with it.

I wish I had more/better advice, but we are also struggling.

[Miranda1127]

my daughter went through the same thing last year. i had a long talk with the teacher (mostly b/c she sent a note home saying dd was hitting for no reason )and asked her to monitor the situation closely it turned out that one of the girls was picking on her, and dd would get frustrated and hit her. well every day before school we had a talk- no hitting, not for any reason, if someone upsets you go to the teacher and tell her etc..-. the talk really helped i explained the right way to act and reminded her of it every day. we also had to separate the girls (they sat next to each other) but things got better. the teacher was very understanding and worked well with the girl's problem.

good luck

[MommyToAshley]

Diann!!! OMG... so good to see you! I was worried about you and often wondered what happened to you. I even sent a few PM's. Glad you have access again, we missed you!

I agree with the others, I would give it some time and also talk to the teacher. It would be a good idea to talk to Malik about other ways he can express himself in the same situation. I would be very specific, such as "When someone takes your toy away, instead of hitting, you say loudly, "Don't take my toy away" that makes me angry" .... etc, etc, etc.

It sounds like a big adjustment, hang in there and give it some time.

[mysweetpeasWil&Wes]

I hope others can offer some good advice because I am in the same boat with my Wil. He is hitting and throwing tantrums left and right and I'm up to my ears with frustration myself. I don't know what to do. We plan to start preschool in the fall, but I'm afraid of how he will treat other kids and his teachers. He bit his brother in the store yesterday and when I told him "no hitting", he slapped me. Nothing seems to work for us.

Everyone keeps telling me it's the age (although looks like your child is older than mine) and that it's just a phase. But I'm afraid like you that my behavior is going to rub off on him and this will stick with him for life. We are seeing a speech therapist right now to help Wil better communicate, which I'm hoping will help eliminate his frustrations, but it's only been a few weeks and unfortunately I just see it getting worse.

GL!

[Boo&BugsMom]

Two things I have to suggest, as a preschool teacher myself. First, like others have stated, give it time. More times than not it takes sometimes a couple months of getting use to new surroundings for children. Especially if he is coming from home daycare where it is more relaxed and there are less transitions and if he was at his provider's daycare for a long period of time. Second, make sure you are not dragging out the goodbyes when you drop him off, just in case you are. Sticking around many times just delay's the inevitable. It's important to give your hugs and kisses and tell him you will be back soon, but then leave. Even if he is crying, as hard as it is, he will stop crying once he knows you are gone. Eventually it will set in that preschool is fun and he will get use to it. Any transition is hard on kids, no different than adults. Think of how we feel when we start a new job or something similar...we get anxiety because "it's new" and we get butterflies and such. It takes time, but eventually we get through it and we become comfortable in our new surroundings. Hang in there!

As for the hitting, it may just be his way of showing his anger because of him being put in a new school. He was taken out of his comfort zone. Just make sure you and the teachers are consistant with his punishments. Make sure they are dealing with it in a timely and appropriate manner (time outs, taking priveledges away, etc.). Keeping communication open with the teachers should be a number one priority!

This post has been edited by TannerBugsMom on May 3 2007, 01:38 PM

[kimberley]

Diann!!! i have thought of you so many times! i am so glad to see you here!

i am sorry Malik is having trouble adjusting. my boys did too.. especially James. i found the best way to deal with it was to firmly tell him what he did wrong and not make a big deal about it. kids enjoy attention of you reacting.. positive or negative. they hate being ignored. Malik is old enough to understand if he continues to behave that way, he may lose privileges like going to the park or for an ice cream. i only wish that still worked at 9yo

i hope this means you will be around more often! we missed you!