We sold our house!, And yes, it's supposed to be here. LONG

We accepted an offer on our house last night. It's been on the market for 2 weeks and 3 days. I was excited by the fact that it sold so fast and that it was sold. It felt like a new step, new start, new leaf, something. Then Aaron comes home from work late (8:15pm, with no call) and throws this out while we're eating pizza.
"So, just theoretically, what would you do if I disappeared for a few weeks?"
Um, what?!? So, I thought for a few minutes and said that I'd probably find a nice apartment that I could afford on my own salary, pack the house by the closing date and move Logan and myself. I'd also make arrangements for the money of the sale of our house to be mine as I would not be asking him to buy me out of his share of the firm (I legally own 1/2 of his 1/4 of the business.)
Turns out that he thinks now is the perfect time to "separate" for a few weeks. We haven't put an offer on another house and technically we're as debt-free as we've ever been. He needs to reflect on how his life would be without me in it (BTW, hon, I think it will suck, he says.) He doesn't want to date other people, just see how his life is without me. He's been depressed since they sentenced that kid he defended in June to life in prison without parole. He refuses to see our counselor, says she's a crutch and he doesn't want to be dependent on a crutch, he's a man, he'll work through it on his own, I guess.
Then, he's surprised that I don't fall apart and weep and wail and gnash my teeth and pull out my hair. Well, honestly he hasn't been easy to live with the last few weeks and I've made some realizations about the inequality of our relationship. I do most of the work, I can do it on my own. He wants to keep this on this intellectual/logical level. Apparently he's not very emotionally invested in our marriage.
And while it bothers me that he thinks he needs time apart to "reflect" I am not honestly torn up about it. If he feels that way, I can't change it. But I can accept it, adjust to it and survive it. Who knows? I may come through stronger on the other side, regardless of the outcome.
It seems the big decision has arrived. Maybe I'm reading more into his intentions, maybe not. I can't be inside his mind, but I'm not sure I'd want to be there. It seems kind of messed up right now.

This post has been edited by MyBrownEyedBoy on Aug 29 2007, 03:35 PM

Wow! For starters congrats on selling the house so fast. I have seen houses around here on the market for almost a year. Way to Go.

Second......it is so hard to think of something to say about your situtation other than we are all here for you if you need us and try to stay strong. I hope that whatever you decide you want to happen, happens for you.

Congratulations on selling the house!!!!

Wow i'm not sure what to say to all that, but I do know that you are a VERY strong woman and you can do what you need to do!!! I agree we are all here for you no matter what!!

You continue to be my inspiration Kelly - and like we have talked before - maybe this is a good thing FOR YOU.....and sometimes its the other person who has to give the nudge to make it happen - but I can't imagine it is easy in any respect....I will be in touch....pm me if you need me.......

Ok. I am new here and none of you know me.and I dont know any of you really yet. On that note I would like to say you must be one strong woman. It is awesome to hear a woman be so strong in saying, you know what... If you dont want to be here, then so be it. I can do it on my own. I dont know you but I hope if I am ever in the same situation I act like you. Thanks.

WOW A lot to take in over pizza!

But, tbh, I think it could be the best decision anyone ever made for you...I know the changes you want/need have been few and far between. You're an awesome person and deserve the best from your partner. You ARE strong, CAN do it, and would probably enjoy your rediscovered independance.

Nobody can say what the outcome will be....but no matter what, I think you'll thrive in the opportunity to figure out how YOU feel and where YOU stand without factoring him into it.

Best of luck, I hope everything goes well and that it has an impact one way or the other.

Thank you, bawoodsmall. (Don't know your first name, so screen name will have to do.) But you have Aimee's blessing, so that's good enough for me.

I have realized over the past few months that strength does not have to be loud. It can also be quiet and steady, and that is the kind of strength I would rather have. Aaron can be a giant pain in the bum sometimes, most people can be giant pains in the bum. But regardless of the outcome, he'll always be my son's father. I owe it to all of my family, myself included, to realize that fact.

Aaron has always had a way of making me feel like a bad person for wanting more out of our relationship. If I bring up something I'd like him to do more often, like hug me, he'll say something to the effect of, "I'm sorry I'm such a rotten husband. I suck. I'm sure you want to leave me." Well, I'm done with that. It ain't flying anymore. If you think you suck as a husband, well then maybe you do. But don't try to lay the guilt at my feet.

I'll never be one to yell and scream and try to convince people that my way is right. Aaron's been feeling like a failure as a spouse for a while apparently, well, he hasn't exactly been making the effort to move it along and improve. I'm done with that. One person can't always be the one to sacrifice happiness. I deserve it too, and I don't need Aaron to make it happen for me.

This post has been edited by MyBrownEyedBoy on Aug 29 2007, 06:05 PM

wow! congrats on the house.. and the other thing... You are a very strong woman and i know and feel you can do this! It may be hard at first but I feel you will do awesome!

Maby its the name.. aaron...LOL.. my aron sucked

i admire your strength and wish you the best. i am sure you will find being on your own a little harder but a lot more free... if that makes any sense. i, too, married a self loather and it is very taxing and unsatisfying. i am always around if you ever need an ear or a shoulder.

You are a strong woman!!!!!!

Congrats on the house. I'm truly sorry on the personal front. I certainly hope that all straightens out as well. In any event, I'm certain you will do whatever you need to.

You're such an amazing person.. if you ever doubt that, go back and read that post you made hun.

Congratulations on selling the house!

I think the seperation is a good thing. You may want to REALLY, REALLY think about what is best for you & Logan.

Honestly, and I hope you wont be too offended by this, but- I think your husband is a jerk. I'd like to call him worse but I dont think I can on here. It seems to me he hasnt shown much respect to you for most, if not ALL, of your marriage. He may be an OK father, but being a good person and spouse is AS IMPORTANT as being a good father. He doesnt deserve you- you have a ton to offer to someone who WANTS it. He just seems to take it because he has it, KWIM? Totally taking you for granted. Taking vows to be a loving and faithful spouse are one of THE biggest responsibilities and priviledges in life and he totally just stomped all over that.

I think you are doing yourself and your son a disservice by being with him, rather than with a good man who will appreciate you both as much as you should be.

Good luck with whatever your decision is though.

Oh Kelly, I'm really sorry to hear this. I thought things had taken a turn for the better. I know you can be strong and do what is best for you and Logan on every level. If you need to talk we're always here!

Are you sure his name is Aaron and not Dave

Congrats on selling the house.

As far as the separation, I hope everything works out the way you want. I wish you the best, and regardless of what happens, I know you will be ok. P&PT's.

Are you sure his name is Aaron and not Dave

Or Tom!

Kelly,

Reading your post gave me goosebumps. The strength and the character you posses poured out. I think it's safe to say we're all here to back you up, but it doesn't sound like you need much backing up. It is apparent that you are ready to stand up and look the world in the eye with out flinching. From some of your earlier posts, it sounds like this may not be a bad developement.

I would never want to offend either, but ITA w/CeeCee. You deserve somebody that will stand by and be the husband you deserve. Kudos to you girl! Good luck, I wish you nothing but happiness.

Oh, and yeah on selling your house so quick!

Casey

Kelly, I think you are an amazing woman. Your strength, your character, your dignity has stayed intact thru all of this and that just amazes me.

Aaron, while he may be a good father, has nothing on you. You are such a wonderful mother. Logan is so blessed. I pray that when he is of age to marry that he treats his wife with the dignity and respect that you have not only taught him, but demanded of his father and never received. I do not believe for one second that you have anything to worry about should it come down to you raising Logan on your own.

After reading your post, I truly think you are ready to move on to the next step. I think God has been preparing you for this step as well. We'll be behind you every step of the way!!!

Congratulations on the sell of your home!!! Here's to a BRIGHT future!!

Kelly, I will be thinking of your during your journey to the new you. I think you have to make this about you and Logan. Aaron will take care of himself..so you just take care of you.

Wow, you are an amazing woman.


Hang in there --P&PT--