Queston for the single parents.

I am not single. My husband and i have been together for nine years and married 4 years. We had a baby girl last september. This past january he decided to go back to school. I said i would be totally supportive of that. I am really trying to be. This is his thrid semseter in school. He goes full time (has to for the student loans), works full time, partime, and has a volunteer job. That job he hasn't done much with since school. So even though i am married i feel like a single parent. He is always at school or work. When he is home he is sleeping because he hardley gets any sleep or is doing homework. This is becoming so hard for me. I don't really know how you single parents do it. I have alot of respect for you doing this by yourslef. I was wondering is there anything to make the days easier? Sometimes i just feel like pulling my hair out. This is our first baby too. So there are still things i am learning. There are days i just want to cry and i have been very edgey lately. Every little thing gets on my nerves. Any suggestions from the single parents.

I can totally relate....Im married also and I have 2 kids....ages 2 and almost 8 months. My dh is a recruiter trainer for the army and he travels around alot. He is gone 3 weeks,,,back 2 gone 3 and so on for a year. I actually see him alot more now then I did when he was just recruiting. I have no family nearby...so babysitters and such are not in the equation right now and really never have been. Things I find that help.

** Routine....have a set bedtime for your child/children....Both my children are in bed by 7:30.

**Buy easy to make foods and snacks for the day. I usually only cook breakfast on Saturday and Sunday.....throught the week its usually oatmeal...toast....stuff like that.

** Take a nap when she naps....if your not tired...relax and watch a tv show or movie.

** Try to do all your shopping in one trip. I usually Get all my groceries and stuff for the 3 weeks when my husband is gone...That way I don't have to tow the kids with me to shop.

** Join a playgroup in your area....you will be able to meet people that might be a great help....Maybe someone you can trade babysitting days with....Like to go get your hair done or something.

**If you see any 9 or 10 year olds in your nieghborhood...see if they are willing to become a mothers helper. They can come and entertain your little one while you clean the house, do laundry or just sit on your porch in silence

** As for being away from your husband...Make the time...utalize everything you have....Email, test messaging, instant messanger....When he gets home...make the effort to stay up for a couple hours and talk or whatever....Its really important to stay connected.

i am a single mom with an almost 3 year old. I have been singe fromt he very begginning of my pregnancy.

What i do is make some big things like homemade soups and a big batch of spagetti during the weekend and put them in insividual freezing containers. that way i can just plop it in and not worry what im making. i work from 730 till 5 and then have to get my dd from daycare so by the time i get home there is no time to make dinner

I joined a gym with a drop in centre for kids that way i can get away and have me time even if its just for an hour.


i actually enjoy it just being the 2 of us because we have our own little routine. I do feel lonely but its ok:)

Thanks for your advice. It really helps. Things get so stressful around here. It is so hard. I really respect single parents. I am around family. Getting their help is hard. My mother in law will agree to watch her and then the time comes. She complains that she has so much to do and she can't do it cause she has the baby. So i quite asking her to do it. I am tired of her complaining about watching her only grandchild. Which i don't let her go to many places very often with out me. So it's not like i am one of those people asking her all the time to watch her. She is my daughter and she is my responablilty. I love spending time with her, but sometimes i need a break. My mom works and doesn't get much time to herself. So i hate asking her. My sister is always taking up her weekends with asking her to watch her baby. That is pretty much every weekend. So when my mom has a free weekend to herself or with her bboyfriend. I feel bad asking her to take LeeAnn. I know she would but i hate asking. I feel that even thought we are close to family it is still hard to find someone to help.
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Thanks again.
Laura

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OMG your dd is such a beauty! I love the blode hair...

sometimes just going for a walk with your dd in a stroller is good. When i feel all cooped up in the house and jenna is bouncing off the walls i usually plop her in her stroller if itys nice out and go for a walk. and if its cold out i go to a mall or somethuing and walka round there. Even if i dont get anything at least im out of the house and walking:) and its ettiles jenna down at the same time:)

i know what you mean about asking your mom and such. My mom works alot lately and i feel guilty asking her to take jenna even if its just for an hour because its taking away from her time off.

How long have you been dealing with her basically on your own? maby as the time goes on it will get better. At first when jenna was born and i was on my own i was so stressed and emotional but as the months went by i got used to it.

Try finding a mom and tot group. that way you can meet other moms in your situation and beven find new friends...

Thanks.

Since she was about four months. Which was this past January my husband started school. He has another year to go.

She loves to be outside. I have been trying to get her to the park and stuff lately since it's been cooler outside. We don't know what it is, but sometimes when she goes outside she breaks out and her face swells and her eyes water. She has been tested for allergies and they say she doesn't have them. She will just rub her little eyes like they itch. So sometimes we are not out long. I should start walking her around the mall. I'll have to learn to controll my shopping problem haha.

I got really frustrated this weekend. My husband was finally around which hardly ever happens. Trying to get him to help with her oh man. He doesn't know what she wants or needs when she is upset. So he will just let her cry forever. I know he isn't around to know her schedule, but why can't he ask to help me out with her. I need a break too. It's like he just wants to do all the fun stuff with her. When it comes to everything else he doesn't want to do it.

This is really great to have someone to talk to. Thanks for listening and your advice.
laura

if you want to chat via email as well my email is stalma@shaw.ca

I know exactly how your feeling. Jennas dad is not with me or living with me but he does occasionally come and visit her. But he NEVER helps which frustrates me to no end. He likes to bond and play with her but calls me if she needs a new pullup or wants to use the potty. And even when it comes to feeding her or cooking for her he yells for me to do it. I would love to have a break even if it means me having a btah.. but nope! What i started to do with my ex is i forced him to do some things. he would say Shelly jenna needs a new pull up she pooped. So i come into the room and say your her dad you do it. His reasoning behind it is that he cant handle poopy diapers. but i refuse to change her bumb and he is forced to do it. Its sad because we fight over stupid things like that. But because i have started to force him he does it so he doesnt have to listen to me b*^&%....LOL.

Just sit down with him and explain to him you need a break sometimes and that he needs to help. And that you will help him by telling him that she is crying because such and such and then he can do it to help out. he will help believe me because my ex is so stubborn so for him to finally do it is a miracle in itself..LOL just ask the other mebers they all know about what i go through...LOL

Well my dh is in the military and constantly is gone so I can relate. I've also been seperated from him, and have had to deal with all my own. The advice you got is Take it easy, and if you need to talk, we're here.

I agree that routine is very important. I don't know how I would have managed if the babies hadn't already been on a good schedule. They fight me less because they know what comes next.

I have my relatives children come to visit and they're great to take care of the kids. I've also found that it's important to rest while the babies rest. I don't know much more than this, I'm new.

im a 22-year old single parent currently pursuing a degree in graphic design (our first day was today!). from what the professors say, our homework/out-of-class time won't be overwhelming, but im forced to balance school, almost full-time work, a volunteer job, and parenthood - all on the same plate!! (kinda scary how similar the circumstances are between me and your husband!) if i WERE in a relationship/married, i would want my wife's unconditional love and support. i look at my pursuing an education as something MORE for just myself, but for my family: my son. im sure the majority of the reason he's going back to school is for personal enrichment, but his family (you and your daughter) will be reaping the benefits of a husband/father with an education, and a stable career!

as far as trying to make it through the "lonely" days, i agree with *mckayleesmom* in trying to simplify your life. easy-to-make snacks, all your shopping in one trip, write out schedules, etc. i'd assume doing these things will give you a couple extra hours in your day that you can spend with your family.

good luck with everything!

I totally agree that what my husband is doing isn't just for him. It's for our whole family. I am totally supporitive of him. I am just so proud of him too for all he is doing and how well he is doing in school. I know this all takes a toll on him. One he doesn't get to be at home with us like i know he would love to be. Not to mention how much he has on his plate. He has made the deans list the whole time he has been in school. I really am supportive of him. I don't want to sound like i am not, but sometimes it's hard for me too. I don't think he understands how hard this is for me and our daughter too. I just get stressed out sometimes. I am so lonely at times and i feel like when i am stressed and need to talk and he isn't here.