Wow... here's a situation for ya...

Okay... well... my ex-husband is getting married. This in and of itself is good news to me. We've been divorced for um.. 13 years.. and I've been remarried for 5. Since I divorced him, I've always harbored a little guilt over the situation, especially since a few years ago, he told me that he was so badly hurt when I divorced him that he simply was never going to marry again. I thought that was sad. We have a cordial relationship... and I really hoped that someday he'd change his mind.

So he did! And I'm actually delighted. LOL!

BUT!!! Oh yes, there's a but, of course. Michael is his son, and tonight my ex called to give this news and to ask Michael to be his best man. Well, actually, he "told" Michael he was going to be the best man. Michael was THRILLED.. until his Dad said not to forget he would need a best-man speech for the event.

UH-OH. Michael is horrified of speaking in public. I mean really, really, really, really scared. So, now he's miserable. He actually folded all 5'8" of himself up onto my kitchen counter, hugged his knees and wailed "I want to be a shelf-elf." That's what my Mom and I called him when he was a little bitty boy and would sit on her kitchen counter and watch us cooking. Since then he has hidden in his room, not eaten dinner, curled up in a ball on the couch, declared his life over several times.. etc. etc. etc.

He says his Dad has no idea how terrified he is of public speaking and has wondered aloud repeatedly at the sanity of his father for doing this to him. He wants his Dad to choose someone else.

I'm taking the position that he will Deeply Regret It For The Rest Of His Life if he weasles out of this. And I'll let him carry on in high drama about this for a while and then I'll tell him to get a grip. The wedding isn't until September or October of this year. The thing is... I don't actually know how bad Michael's stage fright is... I mean, for some people, this is a really serious handicap.

Do I talk to his Dad about how miserable Michael is? Do I just wait and see if this fizzles out? Is it right to MAKE him do this even though he's dreading it? I told him that part of growing up is learning to do things we don't like. And I asked him to think about how important it was to his Dad instead of just about his own feelings.

Anyone helped a teenager through something like this before?? Any pointers??

Wow, if he's that upset about it, I wouldn't MAKE him do it. Maybe he could have another best man, and have Michael be just a groomsman? If t hat was my son in that situation, I wouldn't make him do it. He will still be there and not miss out on anything, and still be a part of it. It sounds like it is a serious handicap for him by the way he is reacting.

umm why so gung ho on tradition? especially if this is a second marriage. can't the groom make the only speech? what about getting him to do some kind of video presentation instead. wayyyyyy less pressure! i definitely would NOT force him to make the speech but see no reason why he can't still stand up for his dad. just my

I think it's a BAD idea to make him speak if he doesn't want to. If he wanted, he could write something down and have someone else read it for him. People will understand that he's uncomfortable speaking in public. If he's forced to do this, and gets nervous and messes up, it make really hurt him, you know, make him look down on himself.

Mollie - Michael has a flair for Great Drama. I think it's pretty typical teenage behavior - many things threaten his sanity and the meaning of life. I'm trying to tease out the genuine fear from the hyperbole. I agree with you.. I don't want to make him do something truly horrible ... but I don't want him chickening out and regretting it either.

Kimberly - Hey - yah... something non-traditional that would allow Michael to be best man but perhaps not give the usual toast/speech. That's a good line to pursue...

Vig - Yes, I'm afraid of that for him. Plus... I think he's worried about ruining his Dad's big day.

And of course, we have months to worry about this. Him to worry about being best man, and me to worry about him!

WHEW... resolved!!! I emailed his Dad last night and said Michael was a basket case. I got a reply this morning that they had thought of that and my ex's best friend is going to sub for the speech and Michael can get off the speech hook but still enjoy being best man.

Everyone is happy again. Oh.. Mollie... as for my ex having a different best-man... his best friend is still the same guy through all these years and was the best-man when I married him. I'm not sure either one of them want to repeat that particular pattern.

Anyway... I'm really relieved that I don't have to try to sort this out, and that my ex came up with such a good solution for everyone.

Yay - happy start to the week!

Marie- I'm one of those stage fright people. In college, I used to take a lower grade rather than have to speak up in class. Obviously, the crisis has already been averted, but I definitely would have opted to let him get out of it if it was freaking him out that much. Some sources of stress cannot be avoided in life, but this one clearly wasn't necessary. Glad it worked out.

glad it all got worked out

glad it all worked out. Michael must be relieved!

Oh yeah... his exact response was:

"Sweet." (pause) "Yesterday still sucked."

What a relief for him! Glad he's OK with that!!

LOL, that would be a weird situation if his friend stood up for him again!

Oh yeah... his exact response was:

"Sweet." (pause) "Yesterday still sucked."

My teenager would have said something very similar. Mine is 14. Is Michael a bit older than that?

Glad a good solution has come out of this.

Glad it worked out. LOL what a funny kid.

My teenager would have said something very similar. Mine is 14. Is Michael a bit older than that?

Just a bit.. I took his ticker off my sig to keep it from getting too huge... he'll be sixteen this June. He's a good kid, and I'm thankful!!

My goodness, I'm glad that you got that resolved. Poor Michael. Wow, nearly sixteen! Interesting times! How weird is it that he's only five years younger than I am? Not that i want to scare you or anything xx

Oh no dear, I scare myself just fine without any help! Today on the way home from school we had this conversation...

Michael: Oh, I got my paperwork for pre-registration for.. um.. for..

Me: For your junior year?

Michael: Yah.

Me: Oh.. I did NOT just say that!

Michael: Say what?

Me: I did NOT say "your junior year" - that phrase does NOT apply to my son!

Michael: laughs.

I don't even want to contemplate what I was getting into when I was his age! Whoo!! Again, I am thankful he's a good kid!!

LOL Marie!! At 16 I was having a baby! Not to scare you even more....... Glad he's such a great kid!

Logan brought home a paper that I had to sign for electives for 7th grade next year. Wow, I had a revelation about how old I was, and how BIG he is getting! 7th grade was awful for me, and I hope it goes much better for Logan.