Who's ready for Friday?, S&TC Movie

If the attitude is "to each his/her own" , then why bring it up at all? If you have a problem with something, why not just keep it to yourself? We all have different parenting methods and things we don't agree on, but unless its asked about or an opinion is wanted..we keep it to ourselves.

Not one person on this board can say that they haven't seen or read something they don't agree with....but they chose to overlook it and move on.

Sometimes...and Im trying to put this nicely...it seems that when you talk Mollie..its not always to tick people off...sometimes it comes off as jealousy. Could that be possible? Again, Im not trying to be mean, just an observation and based on what you said your husband DOESN'T do...I could understand why if that is the case. Based on your list of things you did just today and based on what you said he doesn't do..that would leave about 98% of womem pretty ticked off.

Everyone needs a little me time and sometimes you can't schedule it. Sometimes you just do it because you need to get away and recconnect with the person you were before you had kids.

Nope, I'm not jealous at all. I'm proud of my DH, he is a very hard-working man, and I don't really expect him to help out around the house when he's trying to support us.

What I'd really like is a little acknowledgement of what I do. I don't get much of that.

Oh your good Holley

Nope, I'm not jealous at all. I'm proud of my DH, he is a very hard-working man, and I don't really expect him to help out around the house when he's trying to support us.

What I'd really like is a little acknowledgement of what I do. I don't get much of that.

Who are you looking to for that acknowledgement?

Nope, I'm not jealous at all. I'm proud of my DH, he is a very hard-working man, and I don't really expect him to help out around the house when he's trying to support us.

What I'd really like is a little acknowledgement of what I do. I don't get much of that.

Who are you looking to for that acknowledgement?

Exactly....we all know you are a great mom Mollie....Sometimes it seems like you are trying to force your parenting on us so we realize that....But we already do know you are a great mom.

Maybe you just need to let us in more and let us know what is going on with you. I noticed that lately everyone is getting along in the boards and every once in a while a post like this gets out of control....Makes me think there is more going on then just cattiness.

Ok, so I originally posted a bit ago that I don't know when I'll get to see this, but I just got off the phone with my mom and my dad's going to take the kids to Ryan's soccer practice on Thursday night! My mom, sister and I are going to go out for dinner and to the movie, I'm so excited! (Bruce is, of course, out of town till Saturday morning.)

I'll also add in that I think each and every person here is a great mother, and we are each EXACTLY what our kids need. Although I will say that personally, although I love my kids like the dickens, I have ALWAYS needed me time and WILL always need me time. When it comes to me and Bruce, the kids aren't my kids, they are our kids. I know that I personally couldn't be the mother I am if I didn't have the marriage I do and that marriage definitely requires work and always has- both before and after the kids.

Nope, I'm not jealous at all. I'm proud of my DH, he is a very hard-working man, and I don't really expect him to help out around the house when he's trying to support us.

What I'd really like is a little acknowledgement of what I do. I don't get much of that.

Who are you looking to for that acknowledgement?

Exactly....we all know you are a great mom Mollie....Sometimes it seems like you are trying to force your parenting on us so we realize that....But we already do know you are a great mom.

Maybe you just need to let us in more and let us know what is going on with you. I noticed that lately everyone is getting along in the boards and every once in a while a post like this gets out of control....Makes me think there is more going on then just cattiness.

From DH. I think I deserve that much at least. Like yesterday, I told him I got a lot done & all he said was "I noticed you did the dishes", then I told him everything I did, and he didn't even say anything. Even a "wow, you were busy!" would've been nice. He truly does not understand what it takes to keep this house running. And I couldn't let him try for a day either, as that would just mess everything up & really stress me out, which I do not need now.

Mollie I think that's normal. (sorry to hijack this thread...but i have to say this stuff!)

I think it's normal for men to not realize what us mothers do when we stay home to take care of our babies. i know for me - and this came out is therapy sessions.. I was used to doing things a certain way... I was raised to learn how to cook, clean etc... and my dh was babies up until the day he moved in with me. His mom did all the laundry, the cooking, the cleaning... heck dh was 20 years old and his mom still put away his clothes in his drawers after folding them. He was CLUELESS about most daily life activities around a household.

When we first moved in together, he'd get a drink, and leave the cup on the table.

I was raised, you see a dirty dish, you put it where it's supposed to be, it doesn't matter whose it is, you put it AWAY. Same with garbage, and any other task that needs to get done.

One day, there was 2 cups. Then empty pop cans... dirty kleenexes... i'd ask him why he didn't put them in the garbage 3 feet away... he replied: "because it's less work to just put them all in there at once instead of each time".

Anyway... all this to say - my dh never fully realized exactly how much i got done around the house on a daily basis, until I made him follow me around. Literally, he followed behind me and watched as I cleaned, cooked, did stuff with the kids... he was an observer for the day. I told him, when the day was up and he wanted to...get frisky... that was he kidding? did he not see all the stuff I got done, and didn't he think I was tired?

Mollie, at the risk of sounding offensive... I think you need to take some time to yourself. Your little one is 17 months old.. she's no LONGER a newborn, and you SHOULD leave her with someone, even if it is DH. You have the other kids around to help him out... it's not like he has to supervise them ALL, you do have older kids. I used to think I never HAD to have time to myself... but everyone does, even if you don't think so. Please, owe it to yourself to take an HOUR off... give it a shot... and you will find yourself worried, nervous, crany... and will want to go home. But STAY AWAY for one hour. Then, do it AGAIN. Do it at least 5 times.... please. You will realize that dh is fine with tthe kids... the kids are fine without you... and I know you said that your dh understands that the kids come first, right now... but everyone gets lonely, and although there is an understanding... the longer it stays that way the harder it will be to reconnect. You said "for the time being..." but aren't you wanting to have another baby? or two? or more? it will be "for the time being" for a "long time", isn't it? Please, Mollie, take time to yoruself and leave the kids with dh now and then. You're a fantastic mother... you do what's right for your children, for your family... but you're worrying me, because you're not doing what's best for YOU. And don't say you are, I've read your posts. You need to take care of yourself, first and foremost... if mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy. And you're not happy.

Please consider that I am saying the above as a friend, as someone who cares.. and i'm not trying to judge you, nor make you feel bad... but please, take the advice that is sounding across the board, and take some time to yourself... you will probably not enjoy it at first, since you never really seem to have done it before, and it will be hard... but you NEED to do it, as much for yourself as for your kids.

(again - sorry to have hijacked the thread! )

Thanks Rocky. No offense taken, and I appreciate all you posted. I'll have to see what I can do. I guess I worry that my kids won't need me as much, and then I won't know what to do. I'm scared that I won't feel as needed anymore if I let someone else do it.

Mollie.... I truly believe you are hanging on to your kids because you have nothing else to hang on to. What will you do when they are older and wanting to do their own thing? You have a teenager...and he's not going to want to be hanging out with you much longer, you know that... what will you do when they are old enough to look after themselves? what will you do then? Sure, it's never too late to take a class, pick up a hobby etc... but seriously, do you want to wait until it hits you in the face like a brick that you are alone?

Eventually, you won't BE needed. You'd better get used to it now honey...it's a harsh reality... you feel as though you won't be needed... but that's not something you should be afraid of, it's something you should embrace... when you're no longer needed, it 100% means you've done your job, and done it well... but you don't want to be LONELY once you're not needed as much. You're always going to be "needed", Mollie, you're their mother...their role model... someone they look up to, talk to, and love... you'll always be there for them, and I truly believe that your children know that, and know it very well... right now, yuo're not only emotionally there for them... but you are physically there as well. They're getting older... more self sufficient... and the BEST thing you can do for them is continue to teach them to BE self sufficient... obviously I'm not telling you how to run your household... but the more self sufficient and knowledgeable about daily life they are...the better they can adjust to having not one specific person taking care of them all the time... the more they have to learn to take care of themselves, or to help take care of others... the better off they will be in the world of today.... so pick up a hobby. Do things that you enjoy, for yourself. You will all be the better for it....

VERY nicely said Rocky - and Mollie - she is so right - but in no way shape or form are you so wrong either - its a hard balance this marriage, mother, human being thing - we ALL struggle with it from time to time - some more than others, some to a lesser degree than others - do the best you can for YOURSELF - you will be sooo surprised how your outlook and DHs too changes

I know I won't be needed eventually, Logan is 14, almost 15 years old, and could live on his own right now. He's such an awesome kid, and I know it's because we've done a good job with him. That makes me feel so good, but at the same time I want to keep him here forever, but I know I can't.

Exactly... basically Mollie what I'm trying to say is you should ease the transition for yourself. You're not taking ANYTHING away from your children by having some time for yourself. Wait until they're in bed, if you must... but do something. Sitting around the house doing something doesn't count, either. You have to be UNAVAILABLE. Take a walk, go to the library and read... do something out of the house, away from your family. You're not taking anything away from them by taking some time for you. You are a fantastic mother, do NOT forget that.

I know that you seek acknowledgement and validation from those around you, your dh for example... and yes, it HURTS when they don't acknowledge it. Even just to say... take a hot bubble bath... you've worked hard all day... it means so much. Even a compliment on the fact that the house looks great. or a thank you for folding the laundry. The little things mean so much to us, don't they... it HURTS when they can't even do that.... and it feels so good when they do... I know I beam all day when someone says something positive about what I do so unobtrusively during the course of a day.

You know in your heart that you are the best mother you can be. Now be the best Mollie you can be.

Haha, I know I've joked about not even being able to go to the bathroom alone, but it's usually true. One time I locked the bedroom door AND the bathroom door to take a bath, and the girls somehow picked BOTH locks & got in .

Hmmm....maybe tonight DH can take care of them. I've got some lucious bubble bath I've been waiting to use!

I hope it does you some good Mollie. You deserve to relax too!

just wanted to mention, there was a time in my life that I felt the way you do Mollie. I had HUGE problems in my marriage. I wasn't happy. I did everything for my family plus worked full time. I got to the point I was personally fed up and I was ready to call it quits on the whole thing. I realized I had lost myself somewhere. I was a wife and mother but didn't feel like a person. I felt like a maid. Of course I loved being a mother. But my children were getting older and more self suffient, my husband however was getting less self suffient, and I was a robot, a stepford wife. When I had my feel of it, I had a talk with Dh and I told him things will change. I will do for me. And my doing for me wasn't something awful. I went to the park for a walk every afternoon. Sometimes the kids would come and play. The older kids would play with Tanner well I cleared my head. Maybe for lunch I met a girlfriend, and we had ADULT conversation. Then as I started finding myself, liking myself more. My husband starting liking me more too. I was a person who he liked to have a conversation with, not someone who was just nagging him. I realized I wasn't happy with my body. So, I went on a weight loss journey that has been 2 years now. I have kept off the weight. I realized I needed to make myself happy. No one could do it for me. My children can't make me a happy person, though I do love them with all I have, all I am, but they can't make me a complete person. My husband can't even do that. It has to be all of us. It takes me realizing who I am, and what I am, and it takes my family to complete me. After my HUGE revelation, I become ME again. I become fun again. I started having more friends again, because I was more available to people. I wasn't just sitting home on the weekends running the kids where they needed to go. Yes, I still did that, but if I had to wait awhile, I would call a friend and ask if she wanted to run to town and go shopping. Or I would go to a movie I wanted to see. Or the libary to check out a book. My children didn't get less of me, they actually got more of me. Does that make sense. And it was like Dh and I fell in love again. We each changed for the better. He realized he had a wife who had a "LIFE" and that I could have one with out him too. Which was a shock to him. And he realized that I become the person he feel in love with again. I am glad we had the hard times, b/c we really learned from them. My children learned from them too. My goal as a parent is to have happy, healthy, children, who are responsible, and self suffient. Who are empowered to do and be anything they want to be. Who can change the world, in any fashion they choose. Whether it's being a mother, or a bank tellar who smiles and is kind to a little old lady and makes her day, or rocket scientist, I will proud of them. But I also want them to be proud of me. I want them to say, WOW my Mom was so fun, she did so many things with us. She was the kind of Mother who was smart and fun and had tons of friends. She showed me, you could have it all as a women, wofe, and mother.

I just want you to know, we have all felt like this. You know even if your Dh doesn't acknowledge you, that's okay. Because you have to acknowledge yourself. He can't make you happy, your children can't make you happy, you have to make you happy. And it's not fair to expect someone else to be responisble for your own happiness. I had to learn that the hard way. But it's a lesson I will never forgot.

I hope you find what makes you happy. Life is a never ending journey, things change, people change, kids grow up and move out. But that is what we should embrace is the change.

Thanks Mel. I will try to follow your advice! I appreciate it!

Mollie, I have a question. Am I reading that you have never left Abby once since she has been born?

I agree with all that Rocky and Mel have said.........

Go out of the house without them for a few hours and then keep extending it.

You will die when I tell you that we left Jack when he was 20 months old for 2 weeks and went on a cruise and then for Florida for a week....sure I felt sad on the plane leaving but had a great time!

The longest I've left Abby was about 3 hours or so to pick the boys up & to go grocery shopping. Man, I was a wreck, and I guess she did a lot of crying, which is why I hate doing that to her again .