Need to get this out:(, long... sensitive subject...

[mummy2girls]

Ok everyone i have kept this in for sooo long and i just wanted to tell you guys...

Some of you, actually most of you know that I have a younger sister. Well I havent had a good relationship with her lately. I did at the beginning but it fizzled about 5 years ago when she accused me of sleeping with her daughters daddy, and that i had a thing for him. Then when i got pregnant with jenna was telling me i better abort because i wont be able to do it as a single mom etc etc etc. So because of that our relationship just fizzled to where we are civil to each other and thats about it. I still Love her just not the same kind of love...

Well My sister is actually my half sister. I didnt say this to anyone and just made everyone think she was my full sister... why? the story behind it. When I was 2 years old and my brother was 4 years old my mom was home alone with us. Me and my bro was sleeping upstairs at this time. The doorbell rang and my mom answered it. She opened the door because she knew who was there, my dads co-worker. ( my dad was out of town at the time). This guy attacked my mom and ended up raping her . And because of the rap she found out she was pregnant. it wasnt my dads because he had the big V done after i was born. She and my dad entered a clinic because they decided to have an abortion. Sitting in the waiting room they both looked at each other and said.. no, we are not going to do this. So they decided thatt she would have the baby but give the baby up. When the baby was born my mom was given 5 days to decide if she really wanted to do this. This was an agonizing desicion for her because she did not want to give her up BUT she was afraid that fi she kept the baby that baby would be a reminder of what happened. So she decided to give her up to a lovign family. when she turned 18 she decided to find her biological mom. and she found us. this was 8 years ago. It was easy to find us because my moms request is that on the adoption papers she would let my sister know what our last names was, maidan names, and other info.

Me and my sister were best friends at the beginning. but after things she did to me it just fizzled. My mom and her got along so well as well. the 3 of us use to hang out and so much more. But then my sister started to use her daughter as a pawn to get what she wanted from my mom. so they fizzled.

I know its hard to come into a family knowing she was given up and try to find her spot in teh family. but we welcomed her in and her daughter and we did everything for her. my mom did more for her then me at the time so its not like she favoured me over my sister. but my sister started to take the generousity for granted and it really put a thorn in the relationship with my mom. My dad even welcomed her as his own daughter and did so much for as well but then she took that for granted as well and again it hurt the relationship.

ive been keeping this in for so long and i just wanted to let you know all of this. I love my sister but because she has turned our relationship into something horrible i decided to just keep my space from her and let her come to me when she is ready!

I feel bad ... am i right to do this? or should i of taken into consideration the fact she was given up and ignore the things she did to me?

[cameragirl21]

ok, here's what i think. first and foremost, i'm sure that was a difficult secret to keep and even harder to reveal.
first of all, i think your sister is very resentful that she was given up and did not get the opportunity to grow up with her family and siblings. that is not to say that your mom made the wrong decision because none of us could possibly know what we'd do in such an awful situation. but i think to be given up and then to learn that you're the product of rape is a really bitter pill to swallow. as a result, i think your sister is taking out her resentments on the entire family and expects to get special treatment because she thinks she is due as a result of all that happened as far as her being given up at birth.
also, even though she IS your sister, very likely the two of you have very little in common because you were not raised together and were not raised by the same people. so while you may be biologically related, there really is likely to be very little between you.
i think she probably envies you because you got to be raised by your parents and were not the product of rape or some other bad thing.
i don't know your sister so it's very hard for me to say but i'd likely have a long talk with her about this and get all her feelings out so that you two can understand each other. she's holding certain things against you just because of circumstances that were totally out of your control and i think she needs to realize that.
so i'd have a long talk with her about everything and see if that doesn't mend your relationship. in principle, as an only child, i'm inclined to encourage everyone who has a sibling to make the most of it because i'd LOVE to have a sibling but never will so in your place i thnk i'd try to talk to this out, get all the emotions and issues out on the table and see if you can start fresh.
good luck with whatever you decide.

[Kaitlin'smom]

I think your right in stepping back, she has isssues she needs to work out and they have nothing to do with you, or at least nothing you could have controlled. Its taken my oldest sister over 2 years to start to make amends with us, its going to be a long slow process. You dont need the drama of her negitive reaction in your life. I say let her come to you then have a talk about how she has acted/treated you and then go from there.

[redchief]

A bit of space seems more than appropriate right now, Shelly. I'm sorry the relationship hasn't gone as well as you would have liked. I'm thinking that after a cooling off period it might be a good idea to put your thoughts, regrets and good feelings on paper. After you review those you can decide if you think you're ready to share these things with your sister. Good luck in this very difficult relationship. I'm certain much of what she's said to you was due to resentment and the feeling of not being wanted as a child, despite the truth. I also offer you a big

[My3LilMonkeys]

I thinkl you're right to give her space. While she may be resentful that she was given up, that wasn't really your choice or your fault. IMO it's really shouldn't be relevant to the relationship that you & she have with each other.

[JadensMama05]

I can't really give you any good advice here cuz I'm rather passive and I would probably just let her keep causing me stress.. Be strong! All I really have to offer is lotsa

[mysweetpeasWil&Wes]

I totally agree with what Ed said! Good advice IMO!

[Crystalina]

I also agree that you should just giver her space and let what will happen happen. She may be resentful and not even realize that she is. She may need to work on the relationship with your mother before bringing you or your brother in. kwim? Maybe it just happend to quickly.

Be strong and

[Jackie012007]

ITA with what everyone else is saying... you are doing the right thing and lots of

[A&A'smommy]

I think your doing the right thing, she is an adult and even though she was given up she has a choice in how she is going to treat people she should be WAY more understanding of the relationship (what a wonderful and admirable thing your mother did) its not right for her to act that way regardless. Anyway its definitly okay for ya'll to put some space between ya'll there is no reason for you to be hurt by her, you tried and that is all you can do!!