Eating Disorders

We need an update - you've done some good work so far!! (And how is DD?)

Sorry for no update sooner. This weekend has been crazy!! I had a setback this weekend do to the stress but I am starting over again today and I am thinking positive. Daughter did great with her surgery and actually she wore me out Friday. She was like on speed from the medicine. So much for what they say about it making them tired. So we got like no sleep Friday night. She slept from 10-1 and 4-8. I slept 4-8. She had a rough day on Saturday though so I am still catching up on everything.

I will let you know how today goes!! I am remaining positive!!

Hi there- I think it's great that there is such an active dialogue going on this topic, although it's disturbing there are so many people suffering with the same thing. I never did the bulimia thing, but back in high school I was as anorexic as they come, and I have the immobile metabolism today to prove it. The issues that drove me to abuse my body that way are long since past me, and I think there are clearly others here more in tune with what you're going through than I. But the one thing we all have in commom is we're moms, and we have people counting on us. So, if you can't bring yourself to see that you deserve and need your good health for you, then by all means, do it for your kids. I'm sure the fact that Terri Schiavo wound up in her situation as a result of an eating disorder is not lost on any bulimics. We all witnessed the agony that her loved ones endured as a result of something that absolutely did not have to happen in the first place. Do you want to do this to your family?
I keep hearing control, control, control is the real issue in these messages. Why not use the formidible willpower needed to conduct a bulimic/anorexic lifestyle to bring yourself back to health for the sake of your kids? That is something only you can control. Your kids (and your dh) don't care if their mom is 30lbs heavier than she once was- they want to know their mom will always be there for them. And that is something you are jeapordizing with your e.d. Life is stress, there will always be stress, always an excuse to fall back on destructive patterns. But throwing up will not make your money problems better, it will only give you yet another problem to deal with. A much more serious problem. I'm sure in your heart you know that.
I wish you luck. I hope you continue to reach out and find the support you need.

Logically you would think that "willpower" could conquer this. If only that were true. Anorexia and Bulimia are illness's and addiction's. No different then alcoholism and drug addiction...or any other kind of addiction. I am sure there is a percentage of people that have beat these addiction by sure willpower. For the majority though the only way to stop this behavior is to find out WHY it is happening. People have addictions because there is something that is not right in their life. They don't have good coping skills. Until the reason this is happening is found it 's unlikely that the behavior will stop. Sometimes it will stop but another hurtful behavior will take it's place.

The reason I say this is because people will try with willpower and they will have setback's and will punish themselves for it with self hatred thoughts which will just make them feel worse and more of a failure. It isn't easy to control..it is bigger than you sometimes. The behavior has to change..we as human's are creatures of habit and will always go back to what is familiar to us when we get scared. I again encourage people that are engaging in this behavior to seek professional help..it can be beaten. It all takes time...and sometimes there are set backs but you eventually get there.. you do..the episodes between each setback get longer and you learn to isolate the feeling's or events that causes you to feel "bad" and then you learn to control that by learn new coping skills. We can look at our children and want to stop doing "it" for them.. sometimes it is bigger than us.. like an alcoholic knows that drinking hurts their children and the people they love..but they continue to do it.... it's a sickness..and when you are in that "way" of thinking it is very hard to control... if you have a setback..that doesn't mean you are a failure or a bad person. I am saying this because I thought will power would do it for me.. and it didn't and I failed.. and tortured myself...until I started therapy and learned new coping skills (that is extremely important). The typical person that has an ED are usually perfectionist's and are extremely hard on themselves esp. when they don't meet their already too high expectations of themselves. They are usually the ones that feel they have to be "perfect" for everyone.. or always the be "happy" one or the one that is always "on"...so they never show emotion and emotion HAS to come out..and in alot of cases it will come out in the form of vomiting or not eating. When I first started therapy my therapist said to me " So what are you trying to throw up" ....a very good question to ask yourself...

Staying positive is a good thing... and not to be too hard on yourself.. you are doing well. Stress is in everyone's life.. but there is bad stress and good stress.. and it's how we cope during these times that counts...it's ok to ask for help..remember you are only human!! Anothing that helped me was the 12 step program from AA ... I could apply alot of it to changing my life.

Well said. That was a very thoughtful post with lots of valuable insight. However, I don't think it's counter-productive to remind people engaging in addicitive or self abusive behavior that their actions have repurscussions for those who love and/or need them. Sometimes we can get so wrapped up in our own head/struggles that we can't see the forest for the trees, kwim?

I agree!!! Sometimes we need a reminder as to why we need help..a reason to go to that next meeting, a reason to take that next bite..and family is enough reason if not to give you the willpower to conquer it, the willpower to keep taking the steps needed that will!!

I totally understand what you are saying.. I guess what my concern is that addictions come from bad coping skills, trauma, etc..and they really are an illness. Family and children are very good reasons or motivation to fix or change your behavior but you mustn't forget yourself. If you don't look after yourself first.. how can you be a productive parent, daughter, son, etc. If the reason you are self hurting is not found the problem will not be fixed..no amount of willpower or motivation will not make it go away. If you able to push it away..it will come back sooner or later .. in the same way or in a different form. I am scared that someone is going to read this and will think they are a bad parent because they had a setback because in reality it happens.. no excuse but the plain and simple truth...it's an understanding of the illness or addictions...they can be treated and cured.. the person self hurting needs to know and understand why they are doing it. The last thing you want your child to think is.. "mommy I guess you don't really love me because you are still throwing up or still using" it has nothing to do with them. No we don't want them to do it... and we don't want to teach them that it's ok.. we want to teach them how to deal with life in a healthy way. We do not want to put the responsibility of our health or life on to them. They have enough pressure as it is. We need to teach them good coping skills and how to deal with life and stress in a healthy way. I am in no way minimizing the importance of children or family. I would pretty much give my life for my children...but you have to understand when you are in this you are not in the right frame of mind. Alot of people who suffer from ED also are vitamin deficient esp in the B's vitamins. That is what is needed to deal with depression, moodiness etc.. it goes way beyond just having willpower. Not only does your ability to reason suffer... but your body put's itself into a medically induced anorexic and bulimic state.. even if you have the willpower to do it.. your body may say NO...again you need the help of a doctor and trained professional and a good support system.


I just don't want someone trying to recover from this to feel guilty and bad and to feel that they are a bad parent if they have relapsed..yes we need to be responsible.. but we are human... and we all make mistakes. Guilt and pressure just makes it worse... understanding why you are doing it is what makes you healthy!

I don't want to offend anyone but I had been there for so long and I am pretty much cured, I don't want anyone to go thru what I did. I know what made things worse.. and pressure to be perfect for everyone was one of them.

Gracee

The one thing I have realized is that as much as I love my family. I have to do this for me in order to cure myself completely. If the pressure to do it for my family is the driving force it can never be done. Because we will always let others down - that is life. We will let ourself down but we get back up and move forward.

When you are dealing with the control issue you have to learn to cope and deal with things in another way instead of anorexia/bulemia. That is not to say that you will never get the urge even when you have learned to cope. It is to say the once you learn to cope eventually your urges will not be as strong. I know this because the urges are not as strong when everything is copacetic.

We as human beings are responsible for our own actions. The love and support of your family can help you overcome many things but the person has to want to do it for themselves first and foremost.

Well said.. You get it.. I feel better now. You are gonna be just fine I'm in your corner!!

Gracee

I made it thru day 1 - again!! I am looking at today in a positive way. I have since gained 2.5 lbs but thats okay. I can lose it thru excercise and proper eating and it will be around 80 today. So a walk after work will do just fine. The support here is just great and I really need it some days because home gets lonely with my DH being gone all week. Hope you all have a great day!!!!

WOO HOO!! You are doing great, stick with it.

Easier said than done sometimes with the "control" issue so you go, girl. For me personally, its never been a weight issue, I'm actually very small, its more or less the threat of being able to stay that way, kwim? So yea, to sum it up- I know how confusing and hard the idea of "control" on many levels can be. I know how hard it is but glad you are headed down a better, healthier path!!

Congrats you sound so positive.. I am SOOO proud of you!! Don't worry about the 2.5 pounds ... it could be water.. time of the month...the support is yours for the taking.. Keep up the good work! Remember you aren't alone.. we are all doing this with ya!! This is helping me too

Gracee

Day 2 went well!!!! Yeah!!!!!!

Sorry I haven't been around for awhile. Moms in town. Congrats on day 2. I knew you could do it!

Thanks for the updates.

!!!!Day 3 - Yeah!!!! Now for Day 4. It is looking good I am starting to feel control in my life in different areas and realizing I am not perfect and people will just have to deal with it. My children are my first responsibility. Everyone else is an adult and they will have to learn to handle there own problems without me if I can't!

Good work!

Day 4 and working on Day 5-it will be a crazy day so I wont be home much. Should be okay then.

Keep it going - and one bit of advise - dont think of a busy day as one that will be easy - if you let your guard down, it will be easy to fall. Each day is a new day - dont label it - YOUR DOING GREAT!!!

I am very proud of the hard work you have been doing!!

Day 5!! I am heading to bed and haven't had a bad thought today. I even went out to lunch and ate really well. LOL.

Daughter is doing great after her shots and hubby has been sleeping since 430 and should wake up sometime in the am. Hungry and in pain. Had a bone spur and piece of tooth removed from his mouth this afternoon. What a big baby. LMAO

Thank you for all your support!!

I love this place!!!!!!

This is great! I just want to remind you that when you're in recovery, your body will most likely gain a little weight. I read in your earlier posts that you had gained a couple pounds. Don't worry at all. It will be hard, but it's only your body getting used to getting what it needs. Your metabolism is just a little off and trying to get back on track. It doesn't take long at all for it to even out...I think it's similar to how my body felt after having a baby. I link metabolism to hormones. I think you screw up your hormones when you're depriving yourself and hurting your body.

Take care and keep up the good work! We're all thinking about you!

Still thinking of you!!

I made it thru the weekend. I got like 2 hours sleep last night due to bad dream but other than that it has been great. Went out to dinner last night and my body freaked out becauseI was full so I made my hubby take me to the video store so that I would have time for it to settle down. It worked and i was able to sleep without getting sick. It was hard but I held tough. I guess I have to re-teach it how to act.

Keep yourself busy - great idea!! Your doing a wonderful job!!

Made it thru today but had a migraine so that made me sick. It was really hard not to fight throwing up since I ddint' want to but the pressure in my head hits the right nerve so I spent today between the bathroom and my bedroom. At least my head is feeling better now and the naseau seems to have gone away. I hate weather chagnes.

Well today would have been a good day except by the end of the day my naseau overtook me and I met the toliet. AAAA, I hate it - here I have been making myself be so good and then my body takes over. I want to pop my head off just so I can feel better.

Other than that - I am okay- I keep thinking positive and am trying to get my food intake balanced. Too many hurried meals lately and no excercise to give me energy but I am getting a puppy this week so I will have to get moving between him and the baby.


LMAO-Mother dragged down the street by dog pulling stroller. -

We will see!!!!!!