Toddler acting out because of new baby

So my 3 year old son has seemingly gone through a complete personality change for the past 6-8 weeks because of the new baby.

Typical sibling stuff i'm sure, i just need a little reassurance that it's not going to last forever or any tips you can offer that will help him adapt.

Thanks!

It won't last forever, only about 18 years

KIDDING

My son was 3.5 when his sister came along and it was about 3-6 months of behavior issues.......it still reers its ugly head sometimes and it has been a year. Also, the 3.5 to 5 years is a tough ago alone, so it could be that too - becoming more independant etc...........it is hard I know!

There will always be sibling rilvary, but it will shape itself in new ways as they get older. Our oldest acted out to get negative attention at first. Now it has formed into the "why doesn't Aiden get in trouble like I do?" phase.

It's really taken us by suprise because we heard so much about the 'terrible 2s' and he was the perfect child that entire year! I guess he's making up for it now.

If it makes you feel any better, our Tanner was a perfect 2 year old just like you're discribing with yours. Was an absolute angel. Then, he turned 3. He was almost 5 when his brother was born, but that 3 year old stage is horrible, WAY worse than the terrible twos, IMO. Add a new baby in the mix, I'm sure it is tough. Just hang in there. This too shall pass, then you'll be making a new post asking for advice about the next thing.

This post has been edited by Boo&BugsMom on Jan 20 2009, 12:08 PM

We loved the 2's - they were no trouble - now he is 4.5 and a bunch of trouble - I am finding this the hardest age so far..........I have heard it is all normal!!!!!!

Cute pic of you two!

Thanks! I know this is just a process that kids go through, it's just that sometimes when you're all wrapped up in it you begin to question your parenting and discipline, you know?

It's kind of funny in that he really hasn't shown any aggression towards his sister, he's actually quite loving towards her. But with me and his mom - look out!

Same deal here..........Jack is much worse for me than anyoen else - he goes to in laws or somewhere and is a perfect child, people don't believe me when I say he has a nasty streak

I have questioned my parenting many many times

Just last night he got his first spanking - I was fed up!

Same deal here..........Jack is much worse for me than anyoen else - he goes to in laws or somewhere and is a perfect child, people don't believe me when I say he has a nasty streak

I have questioned my parenting many many times

Just last night he got his first spanking - I was fed up!

Haven't gotten to the spanking point quite yet, although believe me i've felt the urge to do so. Did it seem to work? I've always been of the school of thought that spanking wasn't the way to go, but i'm always open to suggestions. Although i guess that is fodder for a whole different thread!

No I do not think spanking works at all - it was my anger I think.........non effective method IMO............not to say he won't get another one in his life

Ok cool. That's a road i didn't want to go down! One thing we've done is since time outs/naughty step haven't curbed his behavior, we've started taking away certain toys for the rest of the day. Especially when a certain toy is used as a tool in his bad behavior. Not sure if that's the way to go either, but the frustration mounts and it's tough to stick w/ the time outs when it seems he's getting 2-3 per hour.

I have an 11-month old and a baby on the way, so I have no advice. However, I wanted to add that I completely support spanking...not in anger, but after you have cooled down and can explain everything to the child so that they understand WHY they are getting spanked. I think spanking in anger is ineffective. Sorry for spreading more fodder Oh, and I haven't spanked my son yet, since he is just a baby...but he will be spanked, for sure. As in all things, there is a right way and a very wrong way. A lot of people don't know how to do it without anger. And I guess there are people who really shouldn't spank because they can't control their tempers. IMHO, timeouts don't work. They might for a few, but I've seen kids laugh their way through theirs. BUT, whatever works for you.

This post has been edited by Danalana on Jan 20 2009, 12:40 PM

I am bit harsher - we actually throw toys in the garbage, it did sort of work for a while, but even his favorite toys aren't a big motivator........

A while back we took every signle toy away that he had and he slowly had to earn them back - he still hasn't but that just shows you how toys don't really motivate him

That seems to work for some, but the big thing is consistency. Let em get away with it once and they know they can test you. Either way, the next couple years will surely be a bit trying to some point I'm sure. I was lucky with my first, he was great, my second one who's 5 now is finally starting to calm down the last couple months.

Welcome to PC, great siggy pic.

Hello and welcome. Your son sure is a cutie-patootie!

You are hitting a tough age. And, I think I read somewhere that you moved recently and changed daycare. Add a new baby into the mix, and that's a lot of change for him to process all at once. You may just need to give him some time to adjust to everything.

I don't believe in going the spanking route, either. I think you can discipline effectively without spanking. Someone said that key is consistency, and I believe this is true. However, I think there is an important part of time-outs that is often forgotten. Any time my daughter was in time out, we would always have a talk at the end. I would have her explain to me why what she did was wrong and have her come up with a better solution if she's faced with the same situation again. (You might have to help give some alternatives at first). It's more effective than just putting them or their toys in time-out for x amount of minutes.

Another suggestion might be to reward the positive behavior. Catch him doing something good and reward him for it. Then set goals for the day or week (whatever you are having issues with). By putting more of the attention on the positive behavior, and less on the negative behaviour, he will catch on that he gets more attention for doing the right thing.

I am no expert here as I have an only child, but I've heard it also helps to try to find some one-on-one time with him. Do something that only "big boys" are allowed to do and babies can't come. It might help with the jealousy issues.

First, thanks all for your input and advice! It's really appreciated.

I've heard differing opinions on the talking and explaining after time outs. Some say that it's best just to let the kid know, in no uncertain terms, that certain behavior will not be tolerated and the more concise your direction, the easier for them to follow. I imagine as they get older, more talking and discussion would be a benefit.

With Jason, when i can tell he's 'testing' us, i think it's best to not play into things and entertain a big discussion, because we can see what his motivation is, simply to test his boundaries. So i'm thinking that, as parents, we should set and enforce those boundaries w/o a whole lot of chit chat.

To me, that sounds like a bit of a dictator (for lack of a better word, someone help me think of a better way of saying please lol)...I think of it as, I would do as I would want to be spoke to. I wouldn't want to spoken to so harshly so why would I speak to my child that way.

It depends on how you want to raise your child. I think if that's the way you speak to your children without explaining things, than it makes it harder for them to approach you later.

To me, that sounds like a bit of a dictator (for lack of a better word, someone help me think of a better way of saying please lol)...I think of it as, I would do as I would want to be spoke to. I wouldn't want to spoken to so harshly so why would I speak to my child that way.

It depends on how you want to raise your child. I think if that's the way you speak to your children without explaining things, than it makes it harder for them to approach you later.

Don't get me wrong, i'm not advocating not explaining things to my kid, i'm just saying that at the age of 3, there are a lot of schools of thought that be too much explaining you can overcomplicate and overwhelm the child w/ too much information when all he or she really needs is to have simple boundaries set.

And i'm not saying to speak harshly, i'm simply saying to speak clearly w/o room for interpretation. Tell them in black and white terms where it's easy for them to understand.

This is the approach to time outs that we're trying now, anyway.

To me, that sounds like a bit of a dictator (for lack of a better word, someone help me think of a better way of saying please lol)...I think of it as, I would do as I would want to be spoke to. I wouldn't want to spoken to so harshly so why would I speak to my child that way.

It depends on how you want to raise your child. I think if that's the way you speak to your children without explaining things, than it makes it harder for them to approach you later.

Don't get me wrong, i'm not advocating not explaining things to my kid, i'm just saying that at the age of 3, there are a lot of schools of thought that be too much explaining you can overcomplicate and overwhelm the child w/ too much information when all he or she really needs is to have simple boundaries set.

And i'm not saying to speak harshly, i'm simply saying to speak clearly w/o room for interpretation. Tell them in black and white terms where it's easy for them to understand.

This is the approach to time outs that we're trying now, anyway.

It can be put in very simple terms. For example, say he slaps you because he wants your attention. You can simply say that hurts Daddy... what do you think you can do to get me to answer other than hitting? (Help him to come up with Excuse me, Daddy). It doesn't have to be long, but I think it is important for them to understand why they are in time out, and to come up with other solutions so they have ideas how to direct their anger better.

Ok first of all I fully support spanking but it doesn't work for every child, but then again time out didn't work for us and neither did just talking to my child.
And secondly 3 seems to be the "new" terrible 2's it was hard for us too but it got a LOT better when she turned 4.
First choose a route that you would like to go then be consistent, just keep repeating yourself and while it might get annoying to keep repeating yourself over and over it will eventually work. And I promise you spanking is NOT that bad and you don't have spank hard for it to work. I'm not saying that is what you should do, but I am saying it has worked for us. But it should also NEVER be done in anger.. ANYWAY JMO

Oh and welcome btw!!!

Totally agree. I have done both...in anger and out of anger, and I have seen where spanking when not in anger is effective. In anger...no. Of course, every kid needs their own type of discipline. Not everything will work on every child...they aren't cookie cutters. The trick is to know what works best for your child.

It will last forever. Ah, sibling rivalry. One thing to stress is 'keep your hands to yourself' and if they hit meltdown mode (more common in the first few months) then have them go to a quiet place.

I have always stressed the importance of why the older ones get to do things, and make them feel proud.

I'm guessing Jason is the first born (based on age, or else you have been incredibly busy). There will be lots of reasons for sibling rivalry over the years but a new baby after 3 years of being the one and only is a terrific shock.

Trying to find some ways to help him continue to feel special, and trying to find time to spend just with him, should help. I have never forgotten my first born son's reaction at about the same age. When his little sister and I came home from the hospital, instead of acting out, he treated me as if I were a total stranger. That didn't last forever but it was painful!