Is this as bad as I think it is?

I'm in my 20s and my little sister is 14.

She's typically a good girl at home and does well at school. But I have a feeling she's slowly going down the wrong path.

Just one month into starting highschool, she starts dating this guy one year older than her. "Wow that was fast", I thought. She probably hasn't even met everyone in her grade. He's probably not the best influence on her. He goes to bars, smoke marijuana a bit and stuff. But I think he cares for her and treats her well. That was the first sign of things that were changing.

Just the other day, she told my mom she was staying over at a friends house. My mom rarely lets her stay over but did this time. I later found out that her and 3 other friends bussed to the other side of town to go clubbing for the first time. Together they wasted almost $500 and over a dozen bus tickets. After clubbing, they bussed back at 4am and sneaked into a friends house to sleep over.

Now this probably doesn't seem as bad as the other situations on this board, but keep in mind my parents come from a strict traditional asian family. I'm a bit less traditional since I grew up here in north america so I understand the culture a bit more.

I know when I was younger, I went to a few clubs and did some bad things. But I started when I was 18 and by the time I was 20, I kinda got over it and stopped doing it. But since I have been to clubs before, I DO know what type of people do go there. I found out she got grinded on by a few guys, which seems kinda disgusting to me considering she's only 14. Its like she's slowly transforming into a sluttier girl by wearing skimpy clothing etc. And I know things will only get worse from here. If she's doing this kind of stuff already, what will she be doing when she's 16? 17? I didn't expect her to start doing this stuff until she was at least 16.

Is what she's doing really that bad of a thing?I know if I was in my teens, I'd do the exact same thing if I had the chance. But knowing that bad things may come out of it, I want to try to delay her from doing it for as long as possible.

She doesn't know that I found out she went clubbing. But I'm planning to confront her. I'm not quite sure what to say though since we're almost a decade apart and we don't talk about stuff to each other. We're not really that close. I'm not planning to tell our mom, cuz she's freak out, but I do want her think twice before doing this kind of stuff again. Or at least tell ME about it in case something does happen to her when she's out at night. So, how should I approach her with this?

Sorry for the long post.

This post has been edited by monkey magic on Jan 30 2008, 07:23 PM

How in the world do 15yos get in a bar in the first place?

I would just tell her that you want her to know that while you don't agree with all the things she's doing, you have her best interest in mind and that you'll be there for her, no questions asked (for the moment anyway) if she needs help getting out of a bad situation.

I'm not surprised. The bar her 15 yr old bf went to was the first bar I went to when I was underaged. Some bars owned by asian people don't check ID as long as they get business. Some of these owners may have criminal ties too so that's how.

Anyways, that's a good way to approach it. I want her to feel guilty for pulling this stunt, but I do want her to know I understand what it's like to be in high school. Because I did the exact same things she did...I just did them when I was a bit older.

But it seems like that's the case. Most of my highschool friends and girl friends started clubbing when they were 16. I don't know if it's the norm for kids to start clubbing at 14 nowadays.

Thanks for the quick reply.

I don't know if it's the norm or not, my kids are far from doing this kind of stuff, thankfully But you're right to be concerned, especially with the age difference between you two....the world was a much different place when you were a teen.

You might also try just spending some time hanging out with her, since you said the two of you aren't close...having someone older to hang out with and sort of model herself after might help, and she might start to talk to you about these things, giving you a chance to give her your input.

Good luck, I'd be concerned too

you should tell her to back off a little bit, she might get hurt from older guys, you know?

Ya, seems like the times have changed since I was in high school. Makes me feel like a parent.

I don't really have much of a chance to hang out with her. I go to university in a different city and come back every 4 months for my co-op work term. When I'm at work, I get home at 6, have dinner and then go to bed at 10ish since I need to wake up early. Not much time to hang out. On weekends, I normally go out with my friends and gf.

But ya, I do want to keep an eye out for her in case she gets hurt by other guys.

I wonder, should I tell her how I found out she went clubbing? She's hidden her tracks very well. I found out by snooping around her computer. But I don't want her to know I snoop around the computer or else it will make her hide those things in the future.

say your friend was at the club and she saw her

I know you don't want to be "a rat," and feel like you're betraying her trust, but you really need to tell your parents what happened. Your sister will likely get grounded or maybe worse, but it's better than dead in a back alley courtesy of some scumbag.

I agree with Ed. How scary, good luck. Also has anyone ever turned this bar in?

This post has been edited by MoonMama on Jan 30 2008, 08:50 PM

Highly unlikely. We're almost a decade apart. My friends wouldn't be at an all-ages club on the other side of town on a weekday.

You could always tell her you know, and when she insists on finding out how, tell her not to change the subject, that it doesn't matter how you know...the point is, you do know and are concerned.

I'm not sure that will be much help. It'll get my mom mad and there'll be a huge yelling match. Then my mom will probably forbid her to do anything which will probably make her want to rebel even more. I want to take this opportunity to guide her and make her realize that, while she can make her own decisions, she should try to make responsible decisions.

You can give her an advice as her older sister. Tell her what's the consequence of her doing.