Best friend, or lesbian?, I really would appericate ANY advice.

[christinecooD]

Hey everyone.

Another problem with my lovely teenager. Shes now 16 years old, lisence and all. (What a headache!) Well her BEST FRIEND is Miranda. They are completely inseperable, nothing can stop them from talking. Every night they are on the phone till 10 when her cell phone goes off into the charger in the living room. But its from 6-10 they talk. Right after dinner she runs upstairs. Now that was fine and dandy in the school year, it was after homework, after family time, so fine. I let it go. I didnt say a word. She kept getting high honors, she had a good attitude and respected the 10 oclock rule in our house. Well now its summer. I dont have a 10 oclock rule, the rule is 11 off, 12 in bed. When friends are over, its more of a free for all, with a little structure but not too much. I take the keys at 9 when she has people over, becuase the last thing I need is them running out to the diner at 2 am. Yes, we had one problem. She has said herself I'm too strict with rules, and thats fine. I'd rather be too tough then not at all.
Well I'm not sure what to do. Her friend comes over Thurdsday afternoon after Liz gets off work at 1, and doesnt leave till Monday night around 845, so they get out before I take her keys, and Liz comes home before 10, which is curfew. Now I'm at a loss. Liz is like well I'm responsible, i do my chores, I listen, I kept good grades in the school year. I agree, she did do everything she was told to do, but do I let her have a her friend live with us practically? Its nonstop. when she isnt there, they are on the phone together. They never give it a rest.
Should i be worried? Should I even think twice? I used to just say oh they are bet friends, but I'm beginning to worry that there might be something more there. That worries me, because shes young, and I'm not sure waht shes feeling, and she got very defensive when I tried to talk about this.
Do I ignore the situation and just let them hang out non stop? I know her friends mother has a problem with it, but neither of us are sure what to do.
The girls made it very clear one weekend during teh school year that they are best friends and no one will get in the way of it, they are more loyal to eachother than I think they are to their biological sibligngs. They refer to eachtoher as "my sister", thats how it is in their phones, (I've seen when they would call eachtoher), They have pictures all over of eachtoher, together, apart, from years before, all sorts of things.
My son who is much older, but very close with Liz flat out asked her if there was something more, and the only thing Liz would say is "if there was you should all accept it and move on with your lives." I'm not positive what to make of this situation. Any advice is appericated.

What would you do if this was your daughter?
Am I too strict, is that why she is rebelling and doing this no matter waht is said?

[gr33n3y3z]

I dont know what to say and I have no clue what I would do either prolly nothing bc what can you really do throw her out of the house and make her hate you? Its not worth it.

By the way how have you been feeling what are you 6 months now?

[A&A'smommy]

Well honestly it doesn't sound like anything is wrong, I had a best friend that I was like that with.. we spent EVERY moment of the summer together, and we called each other sisters and still do, my daughter is her godchild. As long as she is doing what she is suppose to I don't think there is anything you can do!!

[My3LilMonkeys]

My best friend in HS and I were like that....sleepovers EVERY weekend, hours on the phone during the week(and it was long distance - we ran up major phone bills!), even went on vacation together a few times - completely inseparable. We were always at her house - her mom worked nights, dad was a long haul truck driver who was only home a day or 2 a week. She had 1 brother who was 10 years older, so her parents liked that I was always around to keep her company and she wasn't home alone. Plus, I was a "good" kid - straight A student and all - so they never figured we would get into trouble. And my parents just never bothered to ask what we were doing so we did manage to do quite a few things we shouldn't have . But as long as you know where she is & what she's doing, which it sounds like you do, I don't think you have a whole lot to worry about. Obviously that doesn't mean there isn't something more there, but I think it's fairly typical teenage girl behavior.

[PrairieMom]

If it were me I would not worry to much about her having a sexual relationship with this girl, if she does she will probablly continue it no matter what you say about it, and its probably nothing anyway.

I would tell her that her friend can only stay one night a weekend tho, and that the rest of the time needs to be for the family.

[lisar]

I wouldnt worry to much. I had friends like that when I was in school. We were insperable. Litterally. And she basically lived with me. There was never anything sexual there ever. So I wouldnt worry right now. And I do not think you are to strict I think your rules are good, you should stick with them.

[jcc64]

Wow, lot to digest. Parenting a teenager is so complicated, isn't it? I have a few thoughts on your post:
I honestly don't think you are all that strict. It sounds to me like your dd has plenty of autonomy and freedom. What she's asking for- basically to bring another person into your family 4 out of 7 days per week, is alot. Moderation is the key. When you're doing any one thing, whether it's video games, or tv, or hanging out with one person, it's not necessarily that thing that's unhealthy- it's all the other stuff you're missing out on while doing it. At her stage in life, ideally you'd like to see her expanding her horizons, not shrinking them. She's limiting her social life to the point that should your dd and this girl, for whatever reason, have a falling out, your dd will be completely devastated and have nowhere else to turn. That would be my main concern.
Whether or not they're engaging in lesbian activity is, to me, secondary to the obsessive nature of their relationship. I do think it's revealing that she made the statement to your son about the family accepting her relationship, should it turn out to be a same sex situation. If I were in your shoes, I would make it clear that you do accept her as she is, and that her well being and happiness are paramount to you. (if this is indeed how you feel). If she feels "safe", then perhaps she'd be more willing to share the true nature of the relationship with you. If she does turn out to be a lesbian, the best gift you could give her is the knowledge that she will still be loved and accepted.
I understand your dd's position about fulfilling her end of the bargain by following your rules, getting good grades, etc, and that should count for something. I have the same kind of ground rules for my teenage son. However, just because your dd is following your expectations for her, that does not buy her complete autonomy and freedom. She is still a minor living in your house, and she should understand that is your prerogative to run your house as you please. I think it's ALOT to ask to have another person, no matter who they are, in your house that much. It changes the nature of your family. Unless this girl has a horrible home life, it just isn't necessary, imo.
I would talk to your dd about diversifying her social life a little bit. We all had friends when we were that age who, when they started dating a boy, disappeared from our lives and became obsessive about the relationship. This is no different, really. Try to get her to understand that relying on any one person at this stage in life is unhealthy and unnecessary. She may fight you on it, but it's your house- your rules.
Good luck and kup. It sounds like you're doing a good job so far.

[Katrinadoodle]

My BFF and i used to be like that.

But even if she is lesbian, why is that so bad?

[niacinamide]

It really depends on how you feel about your daughter possibly being a lesbian (or bisexual - this is a lot more common!) and her sexual activity. I'm sorry, but from what you say it does sound like she and this young woman are romantically involved. I am of the mind that it's better to have my children have sexual conduct under my roof than prevent it and have them seek an unsafe alternative. However, I would make sure your daughter is aware of safe sex practices - just because she can't get pregnant from lesbian activity doesn't mean she can't get into other trouble.

[Anthony275]

i know this is old, but come on, they're best friends, do you know how many people in my school are like this? NORMAL

[niacinamide]

I'm sorry but I am bisexual and I remember being a teenager and using the fact that parents assumed "aw, it's just normal" to allow ample time for sexual exploration with my female "BFF". And this was 20 years ago, when bisexuality among teenage girls was rare.