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Parenting Club Forums > Single Parents > How did this happen

Posted by: Mason's Mum Feb 25 2006, 06:53 AM

Hi there Just wondered if there was anyone out there that can offer me any advice on my experiance. I was very happy well most of the time in my relationship with my partner Craig. We were very excited when i found out i was pregnant everything was going well or so i was lead to believe till i had Mason. We came home from hospital and the second day my partner threw us out said he was unsure how he felt. 5 days after i has Mason rushed to hospital with eye problems i got told that he could have gone blind if i hadn't have brought him in, well when the docs told us that craig just turned around and said "oh i need to go home and sort the dog out" it turns out he had is new girlfriend waiting at what was our home for him. Since all this Craig has been back in my life 3 times and has left me over and over again for this other girl till the last time in which i kicked him out as i just woke up one morning and snapped. As it turns out he was seeing this girl while i was in hospital for the last 2 weeks of my pregnancy. Why do men seem to do this to us?? I can see whats happening with him when he wants to come back into my life and he has recentally started all this again being nice and so on... But this time he wont be back i wont let him. He makes me so angry i got a message of him yesterday asking "how my new man was" I would not mind but im not seeing anyone.

Posted by: mckayleesmom Feb 25 2006, 07:49 AM

I think you just need to pick yourself up, dust yourself off and move on. This guy sounds like a real piece of work. You can only be treated the way you allow people to treat you....so don't allow him to do it anymore. Think about it...do you really want little Mason to see his dad come in and out of his moms life and breaking her heart over and over again? What is that going to teach Mason? You want Mason to look up to a man that treats a woman right. You might not be ready to date and thats ok, but chose wisely when you do.

Posted by: C&K*s Mommie Feb 25 2006, 09:09 AM

to Brianne

Posted by: CAMSMOM1 Feb 25 2006, 10:25 AM

QUOTE Mason's Mum Posted on Feb 25 2006, 09:53 AM I can see whats happening with him when he wants to come back into my life and he has recentally started all this again being nice and so on... But this time he wont be back i wont let him. I'm glad you now see what your ex does to get you back, and that you are done with this relationship. I know how hard that can be. A part of you wishes and hopes one of these days, that he will get his act together and change. That he'll be the man/father you wish he would be. Men have a way of telling you what you want to hear, and can be on their best behavior for awhile...until his girlfriend calls, ect. He is NOT ready to make any kind of committment to you, his son or even to his new girlfriend. He wants to have his cake & eat it too. It's up to you to decide what's best for your son. In a perfect world it would be to have Mason apart of his Dad's life. But a father who doesn't care about his sick son who is in the hospital, is no father at all. Maybe in the very distant future, he might change and be ready to take on his fathering duties. But I don't see that happening for a very, very long time. He isn't wanting to be tied down, or have any responsiblities. IF you haven't filed for child support, I would now. He at least should help you in this way, and he won't have a choice. I understand you are wanting a new relationship. But BE CAREFUL sweetie. I would really suggest counseling to get over your hurts in this past relationship. It sounds like he was somewhat emotionally abusive, and those scars can run deep. And like Brianne said, "you can only be treated the way you allow people to treat you." Take this relationship and learn from it. Don't accept a man who gives you or Mason anything short of what you both deserve. Find a man who has his act together, is loving and compassionate, ect. I know being a single Mom is difficult. But it's better for your son to be in a family with one stable, loving parent..then it is for him to be around a father who disrespects his mother. I know that you will find love again, but until then, just focus on what's important, and that is you & your son. Big hugs to you! And if you ever need to talk, just PM me. Ann

Posted by: mummy2girls Feb 25 2006, 01:18 PM

hi(((HUIGS))) you do not need a man like that in your life and a father for your son. As hard as it is dont let him back in. I was like that with mydd's daddy. he is still a part of our lives but on afriendship level. he has come back to me quite a few times askign to be back but he always gets scared when it gets serious and runs the other way. So it took me awhile to finally stand up and say no more and he knows i would never take him back as he hurt me emotionally too much. it took em a while to start back dateing but 3 years later im finally ready...LOL... I did have epxerience with my first sons dad. When my son was rushed to the hospital i called him up crying and his sister was with me at the time. i handed her the phone and what he said to her made me not want anything to do with him! He said... call me when he is dieing! So he felt like crap im sure because 17 days later my son did pass away! What i did was cut my ties with him and i have never talked to him again other than recieving a few emails from him but i just deleted and went on my way! You deserve better and your son too! i believe there is some mr.right out there for us..we just have to be patient! LOL

Posted by: Mason's Mum Feb 28 2006, 02:22 AM

Thank you all so much for the advice. Craig txted me the other day being all nice and so on with me i just ignored them so after 16 missed calls and so on he gave in. I really cant even see us ever agreeing on anything, i cant wait till the day he stops everything and leaves us alone. I went through a solicitor at one point but that didnt amount to anything as she told me that by law as he is down on the birth certificate that he has legal rights to see him. Thank you all again for listening its so hard keeping it all in as i think my firneds and family are getting sick of the same thing over and over again. Your all such nice people

Posted by: Mason's Mum Mar 4 2006, 07:52 AM

God im so angry i could burst...... Babies dad called me today just to have a go at me and start carrying on well when i told him a few home truths all i got back from him is "Just get over it i'm with claire now so just move on" I was far to shocked to say thing at first but once it sank in i just returned by saying "your the one who needs to get over it and get over yourself i have been over you for ages and you need to move on and get it out of your head that i actually care about anything concerning you" Why do men think that we all have to sit at home waiting till they make there minds up?? He is making me so upset and angry, the mood he gets me in i wish i knew some kind of maffia or something that would just deal with him. Its not just me that he is hurting though its also my son, yeah fair enough he is still a baby but he knows some stuff like why his daddy keeps walking out on him, Craig also has a really bad drug habit and drinks and drives so what a great infulance he is gonna be when Mason grows up........

Posted by: kimberley Mar 4 2006, 08:32 AM

he sounds very immature and he doesn't know what he wants. BTDT with someone like that.. you are much better off without him.

Posted by: mummy2girls Mar 4 2006, 08:36 AM

thats horrible! But you know this situation is is starting to be exactly like the one with my son... The dad just thought i was never getting over hima nd such and no matter what i told him he just brushed it off anf said yes youa re still wanting me...DOH! Its a tough situation for sure! Just whatever you do do not give in to his rants. he is saying what he said trying to see if he can get a jealous reaction out of you! so no matter what dont let that happen. The statement abotu how they think we just sit and wait for them is somuch like my current dd's dad! We are friends and get along good. He is the one that decided he cant handle a serious relationship BUT he thinks i shouldnt meet someone new just in case he wants me back..HUH?!?!?!?!?! he gets jealous and such if i find a guy yet he doesnt want to be with me... its a wierd situation. but i just ignore it. I did find someone else but i havent told my ex yet because i know he will make a big deal our of it. In time i will when i know its serious... Many hugs to you(((HUGS))))

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