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~Roo'sMama~ |
Posted: Apr 24 2006, 07:23 AM
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My two cuties :) Group: Members Posts: 7,394 Member No.: 788 Joined: 29-September 04 |
In church yesterday someone asked me if we had named our baby. I hadn't really thought about it yet, but she said that when she miscarried she named her baby even though she didn't know what it was. She told me of another woman I know who when she miscarried used a girl name for the first name and a boy name for the middle, since they didn't know the gender either.
I asked Dh about it, and he says he just can't wrap his mind around naming a baby that we don't know whether it was a boy or a girl, and I'm not sure either. I really hate the thought of my baby never having a name, but at the same time if we did name it I don't know if I'd ever be able to think of the baby as that name. I wish we knew what it was. Better yet, I wish this hadn't happened and my baby was still alive. I did kind of think that this baby was going to be a boy, but I didn't have a strong feeling.... and I thought for sure that Andrew was a girl through the whole pg so my "feelings" don't count for much. -------------------- |
CosmetologyMommy |
Posted: Apr 24 2006, 07:41 AM
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Aunt Emily and Aidan!!!!! Group: Members Posts: 1,283 Member No.: 2,733 Joined: 28-October 05 |
i think it may help u heal if u name the baby. that makes it more of a real person to u and not just it. I have been praying for u and I hope that u feel better soon!
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3_call_me_mama |
Posted: Apr 24 2006, 07:42 AM
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Waiting for sun! Group: Members Posts: 3,091 Member No.: 254 Joined: 10-September 03 |
I have never lost a child so i don't know the pain of trying to go trhrough it or trying to decide wether or not to name the baby. My best friend has though and I rememebr her contemplating the same question. She did infact name her first child that she lost (and the other 2 as well) the first one she felt from teh very beginnnig was female, and therefore she gave it a female name and planted a tree in honor of her. Her second and third she lost she gave gender neutral names and planted smaller shrubs around the tree. Her 3 living children are aware of these siblings and know their names and it works well for their family to have this connection. I personally , if i ever had to, woudl name the child I lost with a gender neutral name that meant somethign significant to me, or if we knew the gender I would name it accordingly. HUGS and prayers for you as you make this tough decision. Go with you heart. it will lead you right.
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~Roo'sMama~ |
Posted: Apr 24 2006, 12:56 PM
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My two cuties :) Group: Members Posts: 7,394 Member No.: 788 Joined: 29-September 04 |
Yeah I thought about picking a gender nuetral name. That would probably be the best for us if we decided to name the baby, since I really didn't have a clue whether it was a boy or a girl, and I didn't really have a perference either way either.
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ashtonsmama |
Posted: Apr 24 2006, 01:07 PM
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Unregistered |
I think that may be a good idea...like Shannan said, it may help you both to heal and feel more closure around the whole thing, I haven't ever lost a baby, but that's what I think I would do if I did... |
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luvbug00 |
Posted: Apr 24 2006, 03:52 PM
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awhat! Group: Members Posts: 10,756 Member No.: 1,984 Joined: 6-June 05 |
No, I didn't name either of them. Each were but a coupple weeks old and i think if anyone knew them enough to name them it's God.
-------------------- Mya 7-1-00 |
Maddie&EthansMom |
Posted: Apr 24 2006, 03:56 PM
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Diamond Member Group: Moderators Posts: 16,534 Member No.: 235 Joined: 30-July 03 |
I think if you want to give the baby a name then that's okay. I'm not sure I would name the baby if I were to m/c. But, I've never been there, either. I think if you need that to help you get past it then you do what you do to move on, kwim?
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luvmykids |
Posted: Apr 24 2006, 04:12 PM
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Diamond Member Group: Members Posts: 19,113 Member No.: 3,038 Joined: 3-January 06 |
I haven't been there but have heard from others that it helped them kind of validate it, because it really was a little person, and they didn't want to call it "the baby" forever. It made them feel like they acknowledged that, kwim?
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~Roo'sMama~ |
Posted: Apr 24 2006, 06:40 PM
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My two cuties :) Group: Members Posts: 7,394 Member No.: 788 Joined: 29-September 04 |
See, I don't really feel like I need to name my baby in order to move on or to make it feel more like a person to me. My baby was definitely very real to me, and a name wouldn't really change that. I just realized that so many other people have named their angels, and it makes me wonder if I don't, am I being insensitive or something, or saying that I didn't love my baby? I don't really like referring to my baby as "it", but if we named it I'd always feel like that wasn't the baby's real name, but just a label we put on him or her. I think I'd never feel like that was the baby's real name... maybe if something comes to either me or Scott that we feel is really supposed to be the baby's name that would be different. -------------------- |
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Halo42101 |
Posted: Apr 25 2006, 05:32 AM
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Gold Member Group: Members Posts: 1,328 Member No.: 3,035 Joined: 3-January 06 |
My stepsister suggested we name our baby too, but my dh feels the same as yours about it, Sara. I thought perhaps we could pick a unisex name as well but both of us just didn't feel right about it. So, we decided to leave the name picking for God since our baby is with God in Heaven now. I am sure that when you & your husband decide on something, it will be right for the both of you. God bless & be with you, Sara.
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~Roo'sMama~ |
Posted: Apr 25 2006, 07:07 AM
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My two cuties :) Group: Members Posts: 7,394 Member No.: 788 Joined: 29-September 04 |
We talked about it again last night, and this is pretty much what we decided too. Unless God gives us a name for our baby, we will just think of him or her as our little angel and wait until we get to Heaven to find out what it's name is. God bless you too, Jessi. Lots of (((HUGS))) -------------------- |
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moped |
Posted: Apr 25 2006, 07:11 AM
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Ruby Member Group: Members Posts: 13,078 Member No.: 1,035 Joined: 5-December 04 |
I miscarried at about 8 weeks, never named that baby, I guess I just thought that there was a reason for that happening and that God knew what he was doing....in hindsight I guess he did cause now i have Jack....PM me anytime Sara, I can maybe help you and listen
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zdk753 |
Posted: Apr 25 2006, 03:13 PM
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Silver Member Group: Members Posts: 672 Member No.: 2,073 Joined: 23-June 05 |
I didn't name the baby I lost. I felt like some of the others on here. It just didn't feel like whatever I decided would be the babies name. I miscarried at 3.5 mos. so I didn't know the sex either. Sometimes I call the baby baby boy (insert last name). For some reason I feel like it was a boy I lost. I would have loved to have known what I was having so then I could give the baby an identity, but I try not to dwell on that too much. I get to upset if I do.
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5littleladies |
Posted: Apr 25 2006, 03:28 PM
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Lissie Group: Members Posts: 4,651 Member No.: 116 Joined: 10-April 03 |
You are absolutely not being insensitive by not naming your baby. Until Jas told me he felt that our baby was a boy and that he was our Benjamin I never called the baby by name. To be honest it still feels a bit funny to me-I still usually say "the baby we lost". I have said "our Benjamin" a few times, but the name just isn't the important thing to me, the fact that I love and cherish my baby is. God knows your baby by name-that is what is important. -------------------- ~*~Jennifer~*~
Wife to Jason, Mom to Madeline, Megan, Brianna, Alyssa, Kate, and our babies in heaven-Benjamin, 8/13/04, and David, 8/01/07 Jen's Blog |
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My2Beauties |
Posted: Apr 28 2006, 12:56 PM
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My Baby Girls!!! Group: Moderators Posts: 12,448 Member No.: 467 Joined: 4-May 04 |
I m/c at 5 1/2 weeks, I didn't name the baby because to me it would have made it harder on me to name the baby, I don' tknow I'm just weird in that way!I only knew for 2 days that I was even pregnant. I know that it is actually a living person but to me I wasn't far enough along to give names. Now had I been far enough along to have a D&C or especially give birth, obviously I would but..since I never got to meet my baby then that would have made it harder on me I think.
-------------------- LeaAnn, wife to Brian (05/21/2005)
Mommy to Hanna Marie (11/14/2003) Mommy to Aubrey Lynn (05/01/2007) Step-mommy to Desiree Ann (11/14/1995) My MySpace Page |
kimberley |
Posted: Apr 28 2006, 04:14 PM
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Diamond Member Group: Moderators Posts: 18,627 Member No.: 249 Joined: 28-August 03 |
i didn't name our angel until a year later. i felt really weird about it and just too emotional at first. but on the first year of my edd, i talked to dh about it and decided to name her Sierra. it was a name i loved and dh wasn't crazy about but he went along with it for this.
i agree it is personal choice. don't let anyone make you feel bad for the way you choose to grieve or remember your loss. it is YOUR decision! -------------------- mama to Jacob, James, Jade, Kaleigh and Riley!!
The Administrators of Parenting Club take violators of the Terms of Service Agreement seriously. Please report any suspicions to the Moderators. Report a post using the "report" button in the upper right corner of the offending post. |
~Roo'sMama~ |
Posted: Apr 28 2006, 06:38 PM
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My two cuties :) Group: Members Posts: 7,394 Member No.: 788 Joined: 29-September 04 |
Thanks everyone, it's good to know that I'm not the only one that doesn't feel like it's for me. I'm not closing my mind to someday picking a name, maybe I'll be like Kimberly and decide to do it a year later. But for right now I just don't feel like I can.
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Nina J |
Posted: May 3 2006, 03:01 AM
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Praying For Spencer Group: Members Posts: 2,793 Member No.: 3,398 Joined: 8-March 06 |
I have friend who contemplated naming her m/c baby, in the end her DH and her decided they would name the baby. They chose the name Angel, they didn't know what they were having either.
It made my friend feel comforted. Angel is a part of her life even though she lost the baby more than 4 years ago. She mentions Angel alot, and when people ask her kids names she always says Janique, Zayne and Angel. -------------------- Nina, Mama to Emily Kate, Odessa Jean & Aysun Aleisha.
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gr33n3y3z |
Posted: May 3 2006, 03:17 AM
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Doin Good :~ Group: Moderators Posts: 15,274 Member No.: 822 Joined: 13-October 04 |
I had a tubal pregnancy the baby was about 2 months old growing in my tube
We didnt name him/her -------------------- Wife to Ed (Redchief)
Mom to Rick,John,Erin and Kaitlin "Believe 100% in what you see believe 50% of what read and none of what you hear" |
~Roo'sMama~ |
Posted: May 3 2006, 05:28 AM
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My two cuties :) Group: Members Posts: 7,394 Member No.: 788 Joined: 29-September 04 |
I'm sorry Lisa, I didn't know. I've always thought that a tubal pregnancy would be one of the hardest things to go through. -------------------- |
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asweetnectarwomb |
Posted: May 3 2006, 07:15 PM
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Member Group: Members Posts: 50 Member No.: 3,601 Joined: 19-April 06 |
why dont u use bubba...
my DH and I used that for hannah when she was still swimming in my womb and we didnt know whether the baby was a girl or boy... This post has been edited by asweetnectarwomb on May 3 2006, 07:17 PM |