Vent about in-laws, Really long!!!!!!

[FroggyJK]

Long story short, my sister-in-law (hubby's sister) and her boyfriend went down to the justice of the Peace and got married. Her mom went with them as a witness. Fine they went and got married.

Now here is where it gets messed up. She didn't want to tell anyone about it because "it happened so fast" (I still have no idea how long they have been seeing each other). So they didn't tell anyone and they just got married. The only people that know about it are the two of them, Mom and a best friend half way across the country. They don't know when they are going to tell everyone. She said she wanted to give everyone a chance to get to know him first. About a month later she found out she was pregnant. So that's when she decided to come and tell us that she is now married and pregnant.

Big shocker for us!!!!!!!!! We didn't even know she had a boyfriend!!!!!!!

So now my hubby and his dad are pretty hurt. They both admit that they wouldn't have been exactly thrilled about them getting married but they still would like to have been there for her. My father-in-law is really hurt the most I think. She is his only daughter and he is hurt by the fact that he doesn't get to walk her down the isle. He is pretty ticked off at Mom-in-law (they are divorced) because she was there and helped keep the secret. My hubby is upset that he didn't get to be there for his baby sister and that there were secrets like this going on.

Nobody was really upset about the pregnancy. Just the fact that she got married without her family and that (a month later) the only reason she was telling us now is because of the pregnancy.

As of the last time I talked to her, his family doesn't know about any of this yet. He is here in the military and they live somewhere else in the country. They plan on flying to see them in January and they want to wait to tell them in person.

Well, since we have found all of this out, she has had a miscarriage. She was pretty upset about it (which I can understand, I've been there).

I am a little confused about what I am feeling. I am upset that Hubby is hurt. I am upset that pretty much she doesn't seem to care about her Dad and her brother. I am upset that mother-in-law was involved.

Mother-in-law and I kind of have some past issues and this is stirring old feelings up a little bit for me.
1. When we got married I was only 19 and she didn't hide her feelings about the fact that she was NOT happy about us getting married. She made comments to my mom that should not have been said.
2. My first pregnancy (happened to be 1 month after we were married) she freaked out and cried for 3 hours in her bedroom. Hubby was back there trying to comfort her while I sat in her living-room for 3 hours!!!!. (ended up miscarrying that baby).
3. When we got pregnant with Brandon she told Hubby that she was surprised we were still together so it was OK.
4. I have caught her a few times talking to Brandon and referring to herself as "Mama".
5. This woman is so critical of my marriage and she has been married 5 times!

Pretty much I feel like this.... They weren't happy about us getting married, but we didn't go behind their backs just because they didn't like it. They had the choice to be there for Hubby and they were. But they didn't give Hubby and Father-in-law the same choice.

Now I know this is all going on in his family and maybe I shouldn't get that upset about any of it. I'm trying not to be. There isn't anything we can do about it. I guess it just kind of sucks. But I don't think I really want to be around them for Thanksgiving this year. I don't really think Hubby would care if we didn't go over their either.


:sigh: and so these are the days of our lives

Thanks for letting me vent.

[A&A'smommy]

(((((HUGS)))))) that sucks!!! I'm sorry she lost her baby! That was REALLY mean of her not to tell her Father and big brother!!!! Personally your MIL sounds crazy to me sorry I'm not to happy with mine right now either (which I was about to vent about lol). All I can say is just be there for hubby and FIL and I hope that they get it worked out the best that they can!

[FroggyJK]

Thanks. I think it's just gonna be one of those things that after a little time the hurt feelings will go away. There's nothing anybody can do about it now.

Also I just forget sometimes that his family is different than my family. Everything is different and when things pop up like this I just can't believe it's happening because they are things that would never happen in my family. Hubby and I were just raised completely differently.

I think I just need to remember that they aren't my family, they are his family and I need to let things roll off by back a little more.

[maestra]

I know how you feel- recently my sil (dh's sister), who has been fighting with her parents (she's 33 and has 2 kids from 2 different guys and was living with them with no job) decided to go and marry her creep boyfriend and not tell my inlaws. Fine, they wanted to elope, so whatever. But she invited all of the family (her aunts and uncles and even my fil's mother) and they all went and swore that they wouldn't tell her parents! She is the only daughter, and they had pretty much given up hope that she would ever get married, because she dumps ever good guy she's ever met.

Dh is pissed at all the family who went and participated in this without telling his parents, and pissed at his sis for purposely doing that just to hurt his parents. Now she calls my mil and asks her to bring her things to her at her new place.

There's nothing I can do about it, but it still makes me really mad that they would treat each other that way. I don't even want to see any of them (at least the ones that participated) during the holidays this year. And of course, we only live like 30 minutes away, so we don't have an excuse for not going to be with the family. Maybe this baby can come a couple of weeks early so I don't have to deal with them? That wouldn't work- they'd probably bring the whole soap opera to my house!

So this is our soap opera.