Long, sorry

[MyBabeMaddie]

Hmm... I don't know where to start...

This probably will get long and boring but I need to get this out and would rather do it here than in a journal cause I've never been able to find relief from journaling.

I had to take Adam to work today and on the way saw a huge car accident which would I would have to sit through if I went the usual way home so instead I re-routed through my college's campus. It was really hard for me to see everyone out walking around laughing and hanging out, walking to class, doing everyday things. I never went out of my way to make friends there, in fact I can honestly say I may have 2 people there that I could talk to. I don't know what happened to me, I use to be so outgoing, that annoying person who always had to be the center of attention. Now, i'm so introverted I don't know what the deal is. I guess it started after HS graduation, I got accepted to my first choice of schools - Penn State and I was soo happy that 4 of my best friends would be there with me - I decided not to room with anyone I knew though just because I didn't want to jeopardize our friendship and also because I wanted to meet new people. I met Adam 2 months before I was to leave for PSU. I promised myself that I was not going to get attached to him but low and behold I got so wrapped up in him so fast I ended up blowing off my friends the last months of summer and spent every single minute with him - When it came time to leave for school I didn't want to go -
I cried everyday, I had a $1200 cell phone bill the first month, he came up to see me twice a week, and I never ended up going out with my friends because I was too busy with Adam. I got really depressed and wanted to come home, I stopped going to class and by mid October I was failing every single class. I begged my parents to let me drop out and they wouldn't let me. Finally I told them I was going to kill myself if they didn't let me withdraw, so the first week of November I withdrew and my Dad came up and helped me pack up my dorm room.

I started at Pitt that January but my parents made me live at home because they wanted to keep an eye on my academics. I was an awesome student in HS, I took all honors and AP classes all 4 years and made the High honor roll so they were really concerned to see me failing. I dated Adam the whole time and stuck by him through some really really hard times. Last summer I moved in with a girl from Pitt off campus in an apartment and had my total freedom back... Well Adam ended up staying with me practically everyday so I never had a chance to make more friends - I ended up pregnant instead.

I love Adam, don't get me wrong but I often wish I had never met him. I would be a junior at Penn State, probably would have friends, and be happy. I am happy now, I love my baby and I wouldn't trade her for the world. I just can't help but think what my life would be like if I never met her father.

He is wonderful, usually. I just need him to realize that being a SAHM is TOUGH! Sometimes i'd rather go out and have the 40 hour job. He thinks that since he puts his hours in at work he doesn't need to help out with Madison when he's home - that drives me nuts! I love taking care of her but it would be nice if he changed her diapers when he was home, or if he gave her a bottle when he was home - I have plenty of EBM in the fridge.

Thanks for listening. I just feel so lonely, I've lost all of my friends from HS except one but shes back to school now and I don't have time to visit her. I just wish I had friends, I can't believe I lost them.

[luvbug00]

I know how you feel. I too have all of 2 really good friends and it stinks sometimes not being able to get out at the drop of a hat. I also found alot of my friends and I weren't on the same page because they don't have the responciblities we do. are there any mom's groups near you? maybe you can find a new friend at one of those. Also Your partner needs to help you out more! Maybe you should tell him how you feel, he obviously doesn't get that parenting is just as hard as working full time. maybe you guys can schedual some time once a week for you to get out and gather your thoughts and do what YOU want to do. . I hope you can find some way to get the relief you need

[CantWait]

Meeting people definetly becomes different when you have a baby, but it doesn't have to be impossible. People that use to be your friends before baby, or before getting married etc. no longer have anything in common with you. Are there any baby / mommy classes where you live that you could join. Baby yoga, or anything like that. Can you sign up for a night class, or an excercise class when dh comes home? Maybe you could start a walking club with other mom's from your neighbourhood, or a mommy group. I know I'm not one to be giving advice since this is something I have yet to do, I just find it really hard to open up to people and initiate conversation though.

You're not alone in your way of thinking. It's hard sometimes when we see people from our past who don't have the same responsibilities or who don't take them as serious as we do.

If you need to talk, feel free to pm.

[luvmykids]

I've felt a lot of the same things as you have. For me becoming a parent was very isolating, out of my close knit group of six girls I'm still the only one with kids so I've fallen by the wayside and so have they. We are still great friends just don't have the same things in common and I can't ever take off with them. The upside is once I made the decision to do it, I've met some wonderful young moms (although I'm not so young anymore but they let me pretend I am )

Most men don't realize how hard it is to SAHM, I can't tell you how many times I've said I'd rather have a "normal" job some days. Have you tried having a calm discussion where you just ask him for some specific help? They need a list or they can't handle it

[ZandersMama]

I know just how you feel. Alot of times I find myself wondering what would have happened if I had just got preggo. ( i wouldn't give up my boy for the world!) How old are you Sarah? I'm 23. It makes it hard when you realize what all your friends are doing.....I have one close friend now, thats it. And she is 38, I never met her until after my son was born, her DH works with mine. It might make things easier for you if you find someone older who you would have more in commen with. I don't know what I would do without her. If you need to chat just PM me, we are in a very similer situation

[Mommy2Isabella]

I am so glad you PMed me! Hopefully we can comfort eachother since we have so much ion common!

[My2Beauties]

I just want to say that I am so sorry the situation you're in and the way you're feeling. I think a lot of younger moms can definitely feel what you're going through. I, too, got pregnant in college and failed two classes that semester I was pregnant. I never got to experience "the college way of life!" I never lived in a dorm or made friends, went to parties, socialized with anyone. I went to class and was in such a hurry to get home that it was like another job I had to do almost! I wanna kick myself sometimes for it because I wasn't married, I didn't have a lot of money and it was a hard time for me. I had to take off 2 semesters and go back only part time at night to finish, which took much longer. So hon, you're not alone and it's completely natural to feel the way you do. Talk to your SO and make sure that he understands that it means a lot to you if he'd come home and help out with the baby and that it is stressful, being a SAHM is a 24 hour thing, it's not just a 9-5. If I didn't work, I could so see my husband doing this to me in a way and not intentionally to hurt me but just b/c you're there all day so why not continue to do it yourself at night, I've worked all day, blah blah blah! I can hear it now I would do just what someone else suggested to, join an aerobics class or yoga, that really helps relieve stress and make you feel better about your self at the same time, gives ya energy, there are all kinds of pros! Try to reach out to some of your old girlfriends and ask DH if you can have a night out with the girls once a month and in return he can do a guys night thing It'll get better hon! PM me if you ever want to, believe me I can still remember those feelings even up to a year after giving birth (oh lordy and I'm about to go through it all over again ) so I can try and help!

[holley79]

I'm sorry sweetie. Maybe you can find a mommy meet up group in your area? Find other mommies to become friends with.