New here, I'm not a parent but

This may be a random question but I really dont know where else to ask. This board sounds perfect. Has anyone ever experienced loseing their child by suicide? If your child commited suicide how bad do you think it would affect you?

I haven't lost a child to suicide, but there are parents that post here who have. I can't imagine the sense of loss or powerlessness that I would feel if my child would feel there was no other alternative open to him/her but to quit life. I don't know that I'd ever find a way to get over that loss or find an end to the questions as to why I didn't recognize the signs that all was not OK.

I've always kept the lines of communication open between my children and me, and I hope that they would always be able to find solace and help in us. I've always told them that there will be times in life that seem full of impossible impasses. In those times I say that sometimes looking at the big picture all at once is overwhelming, and to concentrate on meeting short term, doable goals. There are bumps and ditches in the road of life, and we're all going to bounce over them and fall into them. But that road also contains the most fantastic sunrises and sunsets the world has to offer. The road presents us the wind to blow through our hair and the mud to squish between our toes. We just have to take a few moments here and there to stop along the road and feel life; let it seep into us and renew us.

I have never lost a child, so I dont know how that feels. I just wanted to say Welcome.

Some how I doubt my parents would care.... Kinda wished they would

I have family members who have lost relatives to suicide and I can tell that their lives will never be the same. They will never stop blaming themselves and they will never understand. The signs for the most part weren't there for these individuals. And for those where they were there was still nothing they could do.

I just want to tell you that if you are considering suicide that there are people out there who care and there are people out there who can try to help you. I don't know your parents so I won't pretend to know how they would feel, but I do want you to know that there are people out there that care about you.

They do care.............you ok?

I strongly second that...if you are upset with your parents or feeling like they don't care, there are other ways to deal with it than that.

They care. Sometimes it can seem like they don't, you're not alone in that. But it can take a tragedy to see how much a mother and father care for there child. You don't want to take your own life, you have an amazing life ahead of you and a mother and father who love your dearly, I am sure. I don't know them, or your situation, though.

Things can be tough, sometimes life gets you down. Just remember, there is always help available for you. Feel free to come here and talk, you're more than welcome.

Nothing is so bad that it is worth dying, even though at times I know people can feel differently. Whatever you're going through now, time will heal it. There is an amazing world out there for you to see and experience, and life throws bumps in the way, but nothing is too big that you cannot overcome it.

They do care.............you ok?

I've seen better days.... It's not just my parents not caring... It's a whole lot more. I was just wondering what their reaction woud be. I know no one here knows for sure, but I was just wondering how other parents would react.

There was a time (years ago) when I thought that no one would care, let alone my parents. I know from experience that when you're feeling that bad it's easy to think that no would be even notice if you weren't there anymore. In the end I was too afraid to go through with it and called for help before it was too late. I'm glad I did, because I found out I was wrong. I think your parents probably care too, even if they're not very good at showing it. Talk to them about it, or if that doesn't work find someone else you trust to talk to. It might be hard, but you're worth it.


Edited to add that now, as a parent, I would be devastated if one of my children committed suicide. I would wonder where I went wrong, and wish I could talk to them again to make sure they know how much I love them. I would never get over it.

This post has been edited by ~Roo'sMama~ on Feb 14 2009, 07:39 PM

I think fantasizing about everyone's reaction to your own suicide/death is something everyone who's been in your place has done. You're probably thinking it will go one of two ways: either everyone will finally be "sorry" and repent for how badly they've mistreated you, or they won't care at all. While the first scenario may seem perversely satisfying to you, you need to remember that suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Regardless of how everyone reacts, you won't be around anymore to witness it, should you go ahead with your plan, so why does it even matter? My point being, you may be feeling so awful and distraught right now that you feel that no end will ever be in sight to your problems, but that is faulty thinking. There is ALWAYS a way out, of anything, it might not be the most obvious path, it might not be when and where you want it, but I promise you that if you choose life over permanently bailing out (which is really all suicide is) there will eventually be a path out of your troubles. It might be a slow, rocky path that at times is difficult to climb, but it's a path nonetheless.
If you truly feel that your parents aren't "there for you," there are plenty of people who are, some of them complete strangers to you right now. Reach out to someone you trust, a teacher, a friend, a friend's parent, even a crisis hot line. But give yourself a chance to realize that there are plenty of reasons to live, they just aren't completely obvious to you right now because you're feeling so badly.
Good luck working things out. I have faith that you will.

That was very well said Jeanne. ITA!

I've been thinking about this for years now. I think the only reason why Im still around is that Id hate to hurt my parents and the very few friends I have. I've been going though a very difficult time the past 5 years or so. This causes me to wonder.. What is on that other side? Sometimes this seems like the easy way out.

Have you talked to anyone about it? School counselor, pastor, etc? I'm sorry things have been rough for so long but you are right, you would devastate your parents and friends, and ultimately you would be taking away your own best chance at whatever good the future holds for you. Hang in there, life is very tough when you're a teenager but there will come a time, I promise, when you will be happy you're still here

if you dont feel the love at home i would reach out to others there are alot of loving people in the world cherish your life you can be happy just chose other people to surround yourself around you are worth it .

I understand that you're feeling very lost and confused, and are having great difficulties trying to make sense of things right now. But the support that you need goes far beyond what you can get from a message board. It's great that you're reaching out, that's a great first step, but now you need to make a connection with someone in your real life, so you can have the constant support and friendship that you so obviously need right now. Do you have any friends? Any parents of friends that you like? Teachers that you feel comfortable with? Do you belong to a church or synagogue? There must be someone in your life that you can approach.
We're always here to lend support and advice, but I think you should be trying to find someone who can play a more meaningful, consistent role in your life, to talk through the things that are driving you so far down. If you really can't come up with someone, I suggest you call your county mental health dept, there are free services for people in your situation. And of course, your school has counselors on staff who know how to help you through your crisis as well. We're all pulling for you. Stay safe and keep us posted.

Things just keep getting worse... Day by day... With the current economy its impossible to get a job. Ive been out of work a month now and have had no luck finding a job despite applying everywhere! My parents are paying most of my bills... I hate that. I have to pay them back and I just know Ill never be able too. I owe them thousands!!! Theres also school... Seems like Im just going through the motions there. I use to enjoy it... Use too.. I dont have many friends and if Ive learned anything in this life its that people dont want to hear about your problems. So I keep to myself mostly and guess Im venting here as well. Although I didnt mean to. I just wanted to hear what other parents would react if their children "caught the bus".

while I am not sure how you can owe them thousands in a months time of being out of work, thats not really the point. BTW how old are you? yes the economy is down and the job market is very tough, my Dh has been out of work since early sept, so trust me I know that strain you feel. I am sirry you are feeling this way but I have to say you are wrong there are people out there who do want to hear and help you with your problmes. Is it just not having a job? what do you do? keep looking and have you ever talked to your parents about this? you really need to find some IRL to help you, there are tons of servecs that can help and maybe even one to help with the job hunt.

I don't know about your life, but I DO know what it's like to be at the very bottom. I know what it's like to make all your friends laugh, all the while plotting your death. I spent most of my life being funny because I thought that was all that was acceptable, and I sure didn't think my parents would care if I disappeared. I remember writing a goodbye letter when I was in junior high, and I wondered if anyody would even come to my funeral. I never had the guts to "catch the bus", for different reasons, but my life was absolutely misrable.
It's not easy, that's for sure. This world can seem like the loneliest place--like nobody cares if you're here or not. But I promise that's a lie. I didn't give up, and I am beyond thankful that I didn't. I have a husband who loves me, and the sweetest baby boy ever. I would have missed all that if I had quit. Sure, there are still struggles, but I know from experience that things DO change. Change is one of the few things we can count on. It might not look like it, but there is a wonderful life out there...little things (like your baby's laughter) that just transform your life.
My parents (divorced since I was 2) were completely screwed up and in no position to properly care for me, but I know now that they would have never recovered if I had killed myself. They didn't know how to show it (because they were never shown it), but I do know it now. I'm willing to believe your parents would be devastated if you checked out. I hope you can find a way to communicate with them. If that's not possible, maybe there is someone else you could confide in. Just don't give up, and don't keep entertaining the thought of giving up. If you just hold on, life IS worth living.

i saw that you were on today and i hope you are doing better. please take care of yourself.....

Are things any better????????

This post has been edited by momofone on Jun 3 2009, 12:02 PM