What Happened To My Life?

[ian'smommy]

It has been eons since I have visited the site for some reason that I don't even know.
I mostly posted in the children 1-3 section although now my son will be 5 in a couple of months. I posted in this area a few times when I was having a lot of issues with my DH.

Well things have hit the fan. Back in December, he left us. In January shortly after DS had surgery (ear tubes inserted and adenoids and tonsils removed) I found out DH had an affair with a woman he went to high school with and also someone who was trying to gain my trust. WHen he moved out he began staying at her house. He lashed out at me every time I tried to not let him have his way.

I've been going to counselling since he moved out and still going. Trying to heal. I have done a lot of research on infidelity and I've been reading that the emotional pain from infidelity is the worst emotional pain one can go through, even compared to rape, it said! And my DH is not wanting to give me the time that I need to heal. He wants me to make a decision NOW, one way or the other. He hasn't been doing anything to prove he has changed so when he demanded this week that I decide, I had to tell him I was filing for divorce. I never EVER thought I would see myself in this situation. My biggest concern of course is the well-being of me DS.

If any of you are praying people, please pray that we get through this in one piece. Thank you.

[luvbug00]

I'm sorry to hear this. Glad you came back to the boards though. I pray you find the strenth to make it threw this. If your DH has made no effort to show he is changing then you and your son should move on without him. I've been threw the same with my ex and we are much better without him.

[gr33n3y3z]

Its nice to see you back but I wish it was under happier note.
Lots of prayers for you and your son

[lisar]

Welcome back. Sorry to hear about your circumstances. I hope all goes well and peacefully.

[MommyToAshley]

We've missed you. I am sorry for all that you have gone through. Your DH has no right to demand that you make any kind of decision... you need time to heal and you should be able to take all the time you need.

I am glad you are getting counseling, and doing what is best for you and your son. You are a smart woman, you'll be ok. But, I wish I could do something to take away your pain now... all I can offer is an ear to listen and some prayers.

[amynicole21]

I'm so sorry to hear of all of your troubles. It sounds like you have thought about this a lot and are making a decision that is the best for you and your family. Hang in there.

[ian'smommy]

Thanks. Things have been so hard. I try to be strong for Ian. I dont like to let him see me upset. But doing this on my own now and always having him with me, it's hard to get that time for myself to be able to grieve. And I worry about Ian. I want to do what's best for him no matter what and I have struggled with feelings of guilt if I go through with this divorce. I feel like I am taking his dad away from him. I do know that isnt the case. If anyone is taking his dad away, it's the dad himself when he walked out on his family and had an affair. But I still struggle with it at times. There are days I dont even wanna get out of bed. Ian keeps me going because I know I have to take care of him.

I never thought I would see myself faced with this. When I got married, it was for the intention that it was for life. I know that a lot of people do that of course. But I also know that people divorce left and right as well and that was't going to be an option for me. The only thing that would break my marriage was infidelity and I really did not expect something like that from him. He has become someone I don't even know. I don't know how it got like this. I really don't.

Hmmmm...... this is more of a sad rant than anything else. Don't wanna bore anyone with details. I guess I just needed to get that out.

So anyway............................

[ZandersMama]

DON"T FEEL GUILTY FOR DIVORICE! what he did was wrong and you don't need that kind of influence in your sons life. I too have felt guilty many times since my husband moved out in November , especially when my son zander looks at me and says "i love my daddy, he always works". It sucks but you have to think of the LONGTERM. Is a man who is forcing you to a decision, willing to cheat on you , a good influence on your son. I'm all for marriage lasting a lifetime but when the situation gets bad you have to think of your child.

[ian'smommy]

So.... DH has taken some vacation time. Today included. We wills ee how today ends up. But.... as of yesterday, 5 days off in a row. Wild guess on how much time in those 5 days he has spent with him?????

2 1/2 hours total in 5 days!!! Is there not something wrong here?? Especially considering he is living right next door with his parents???
Today is day 6...... Ian is sick today so I won't let him go today anyway, but he doesnt KNOW he's sick so if he doesnt call to see if he can spend any time with him................................

Anyway......... I just had to vent a little because it is really ticking me off.