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LonelyDadTo2 |
Posted: Mar 20 2006, 03:35 PM
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Hi, I'm new here. I have a problem with my daughter. She is in the 8th grade. The other day I was called into her school. That's when they informed me that my daughter, Jess, is suspended for 3 weeks. She was attempting suicide in the girls bathroom and she also had marijuana. Now, I am a single dad because my wife had died when my youngest daughter Sam (5 y/o) was born. I don't know what to do. This has never happened to me before and I am new to all of this. Please give me some advice on what to do for my daughter. Thanks in advanced.
This post has been edited by LonelyDadTo2 on Mar 20 2006, 03:36 PM |
gr33n3y3z |
Posted: Mar 20 2006, 03:45 PM
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I think your daughter is crying out for help Which I think you will getting her
You have to get down to her problems Where will your daughter be when you are working and she is off from school? Good Luck keep us posted -------------------- Wife to Ed (Redchief)
Mom to Rick,John,Erin and Kaitlin "Believe 100% in what you see believe 50% of what read and none of what you hear" |
LonelyDadTo2 |
Posted: Mar 20 2006, 04:03 PM
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I will be at work but, I have an office at home and an office at the job. I could work where ever I want. So she will be with me. But, she doesn't talk to me or anything she hates me and she hates life. I tried to talk to her and she's like "Dad you don't understand" She then walked up to her room and shut the door, locked it and didn't let me in. I'll keep posting
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amymom |
Posted: Mar 20 2006, 04:16 PM
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![]() The kids!! ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() Group: Members Posts: 5,710 Member No.: 1,308 Joined: 30-January 05 ![]() |
![]() I have a 15 yr old son. I understand the 'they don't talk to me stuff" My advice to you is be there for her. What kind of help will you be getting for her now? -------------------- Anne Marie Mom to Billy & Mary Beth Wife to Lee |
gr33n3y3z |
Posted: Mar 20 2006, 04:20 PM
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Thats good you can be with her But why does she hate you so much? Is it bc of her Mother passing? Maybe she is blaming you for that? It is so sad to hear that -------------------- Wife to Ed (Redchief)
Mom to Rick,John,Erin and Kaitlin "Believe 100% in what you see believe 50% of what read and none of what you hear" |
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luvmykids |
Posted: Mar 20 2006, 05:27 PM
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![]() Best wishes to you and your daughter, this must be a very difficult time. |
jacobsmama |
Posted: Mar 20 2006, 06:31 PM
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![]() KRISTI :) ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() Group: Members Posts: 3,337 Member No.: 2,060 Joined: 21-June 05 ![]() |
I agree with others that she is crying out for help, and
![]() ![]() ![]() Kristi -------------------- Mother to Jacob & Conner. Wife to Loren |
redchief |
Posted: Mar 20 2006, 09:16 PM
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Being a dad of two daughters, one 16 and one 12, I think I understand a little of what might be happening here. I found, through trial and a lot of error, that you do indeed have to treat and discuss things with daughters differently than with boys (We have two boys too).
The suicide attempt would be my greatest concern. Teen suicides almost always come back to a nearly total lack of self-worth. The fact that you have problems communicating with her only compounds her feelings of aloneness. I know you're trying your hardest to get through, but it's possible that YOU can't; at least right now. She may be so convinced that there's no way you can understand her that she has totally written off the possibility that you may indeed have the ability to understand and help. My personal feeling is that you and your daughter need professional intervention and aid to open the lines of communication again. It's quite possible that you might need some help understanding where your daughter got the feeling that she couldn't discuss her fears and lack of positive outlook with you. She needs to be able to sort out the feelings that are driving her to self destruction. Normally, I would say that nearly any professional phyciatrist would be fine, but in your case, I think it would be best to seek out a reputable female. I think the drug use is a symptom of her feeling that she has no real worth and an escape from what she may well feel is an unacceptable life. It's obvious to me that watching your daughter suffer so is breaking your heart. I don't believe she hates you. I think she has convinced herself that there's no way you could ever understand what she's going through. I believe she has failures in her life that she feels she can't communicate to anyone, and that's why I believe she needs a professional. I'm sorry your family has had such a tough time. I'll keep you in my prayers. -------------------- Ed is husband to Lisa (since 1983) Dad to Ricky, John, Erin and Kaitlin The Administrators of the Parenting Club take trolls and violators of the Terms of Service Agreement seriously. Please report any suspicions to the Moderators. Report a post using the "report" button in the upper right corner of the offending post. |
LonelyDadTo2 |
Posted: Mar 21 2006, 03:17 PM
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I think that maybe she isn't talking to me about this is because she is not my biological daughter. She was adopted when she was 5 now she's 13 we've been together for 8 years. I think it is possible that she misses her mom but I do too very much.
I have many more concerns I think I need to share. Today I went food shopping I told her to come with me, she did. When we got home I took the dog for a walk. When I returned I found her cutting. I never knew she did this until now. She doesn't wish to talk with me though. Also I noticed she wrote a letter to my wife or her mom. I am very concerned. Thanks |
luvmykids |
Posted: Mar 21 2006, 03:40 PM
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I think a large part of whats going on is the loss of her mother, I can't imagine being her age and not only not having my mom but trying to process it as well. The only thing to do is get her help, quickly. JMHO right now the point is not why she won't talk to you, only that she won't and is in serious danger of hurting herself. Call a counselor, now.
![]() ![]() This post has been edited by luvmykids on Mar 21 2006, 03:41 PM |
jcc64 |
Posted: Mar 21 2006, 03:42 PM
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I'm so sorry you are struggling right now. I think Ed gave you some very sound advice, and I also believe it is time to get involved with a professional. Cutting is a classic sign that she is in desperate need of an outlet for her overwhelming feelings. Start with the school social worker if you're not sure where to begin. In the meantime, reassure her that you love her very much, and you want to reach out to her and help ease her pain, but aren't sure where to begin. Maybe that will crack the door open a little? I also have a teen-ager- I know they are incredibly difficult to communicate with under the best of circumstances, but it's clearly essential that you do so.
Good luck and welcome to the group. Keep us posted. -------------------- Jeanne
"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO, What a Ride!" |
LonelyDadTo2 |
Posted: Mar 21 2006, 05:27 PM
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Thank you all so much. I called a counselor and the earliest appointment is in 4 days. Until then I am going to try my best to talk to her, even though I am just going to be talking to the wall. I have had it with this child. Why does she hate me so much?
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Edward's Mommy |
Posted: Mar 21 2006, 05:35 PM
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When I was in 7th grade, I had a friend who was suicidal. And of all her friends, I was the only one that stayed by her and tried to get her as much help and I knew how to. My mom and I didn't speak for a while because my mom wanted me to abandon her like all of her other friends and I told my mom that I wouldn't do that. What kind of friend would I be if I did?
Anyway, her mom and dad were divorced and her dad lived in China for work and her mom never listened to her and she felt the only way to get her mom's attention was to act out this way. I'm not saying that you don't do what my friend's mom did, but maybe sit her down and talk to her and try to find out what she's feeling. If she doesn't feel comfortable talking, get a notebook and start a journal that you write to each other in everyday. Maybe she can find away out of this struggle she's having and your bond with your daughter could grow stronger. I hope everything works out! I know how worried I was as a friend, I can only imagine how worried you are as a dad! I wish you all the luck in the world and my prayers are with you and I'll pray that she gets through this successfully! ![]() -------------------- |
CantWait |
Posted: Mar 21 2006, 09:11 PM
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I don't know what to say, except I'm sorry for what you're going through, and for what your daughter must be going through. I was a troubled teenager and it started in grade 7. I hated life, and by the time grade 10 came around, I was cutting myself to escape the emotional pain I felt. My dad died when I was only 2 months old, and sometimes at the oddest time I think about the time I never got to have with him. I hope you can find your daughter the help she obviously needs so she can talk about her pain, and move on with a bright future.
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1lilpeanut2love |
Posted: Mar 21 2006, 09:17 PM
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LonelyDadTo2 |
Posted: Mar 22 2006, 01:46 PM
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Thanks for helping everyone. I found a three notes left in the bathroom. One was to me and two was to her mother and her biological mother. The one to her biological mom read:
"Hey mom it's Jess. I know you don't remember me much because you died and felt like you couldn't live life anymore. Guess what, I made the school softball team. But, I got kicked off of it.Mom I always wanted to be just like you and follow in your footsteps. So, I followed that dream and attempted suicide and it got me suspended. Mom I miss you so much and I love you and I want to be with you. I hate my new family and my new life. I don't have a mom anymore and I need a female in my life. I can't take this. Mom I'm going to be with you soon. Love, Jess" What am I supposed to tell her after reading that note? How am I supposed to know she hates living with me? The note she wrote to me was: "Hey 'Dad' if that's what I'm supposed to call you. It's Jess. I know you don't like hearing from me because I'm not the 'Perfect Child.' I wanted to tell you that I hate my life. I'm ending it tonight. I'm leaving your life and Sam's life. You guys don't care about me much so it's no big deal. Goodbye forever and tell Sam that I love her a lot and that I'm doing this not because I don't like being with her but because it's something that has to be done. Don't worry I'll watch over everyone. Love, Jess" What was that all about with the "perfect child"? What am I supposed to do with her? |
redchief |
Posted: Mar 22 2006, 01:58 PM
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Where is she?
-------------------- Ed is husband to Lisa (since 1983) Dad to Ricky, John, Erin and Kaitlin The Administrators of the Parenting Club take trolls and violators of the Terms of Service Agreement seriously. Please report any suspicions to the Moderators. Report a post using the "report" button in the upper right corner of the offending post. |
LonelyDadTo2 |
Posted: Mar 22 2006, 03:09 PM
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Right now she is in her room. She's crying and I ask her whats wrong and she quickly wipes the tears and says nothing, nothing at all. I say something is wrong and she quickly declines it. |
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CantWait |
Posted: Mar 22 2006, 03:41 PM
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If she's in her room and your on the computer you need to get off and take her to a hospital. I know you want the answers, but you don't have the time to sit around and wait for them.
If the hospital won't help, keep reassuring her and watching over her. If she's really serious about commiting suicide, then she's going to do it sooner or later, even if you're just in the next room. If a mom is what she wants, obviously you can't go out and find Mrs. Right or if you're already remarried, maybe what she needs is someone else to talk to. Why not call Big Sisters a call and see if she would qualify for one. Someone that could come out once a week to do nothing, or just talk. It sounds like she really loves Sam (is that her sister or brother?), if so, tell her how much it would hurt them if she took her life, like it did when her mother died. Get that girl some professional help now, before it's to late. -------------------- |
luvmykids |
Posted: Mar 22 2006, 08:55 PM
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I'm sorry, your situation is truly heartbreaking. I don't think you can help her on your own and hope you've called on someone who is trained to deal with this. You could even call a suicide hotline and see what they refer you to do. But please don't put it off, for her sake. She sounds desperate.
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1lilpeanut2love |
Posted: Mar 22 2006, 09:02 PM
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![]() Lot of candles for Spencer! Praying he gets better soon! ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() Group: Members Posts: 2,766 Member No.: 3,094 Joined: 11-January 06 ![]() |
I feel so bad for what u are going through. I really wish I could reach out and help your daughter. SHE DEFINITELY NEEDS HELP!! PLEASE DO YOURSELF A FAVOR AND GET HER PROFESSIONAL HELP! IT COULD POSSIBLY SAVE HER LIFE! I lost my mom when I was 8 years old and life has been hard. She need you. I hope you are there for her! She has been through alot in her life and she doesn't know how to get through in life!! I really hope things start getting better!!
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Bee_Kay |
Posted: Mar 23 2006, 07:10 AM
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I believe (and I am no psycologist) that she needs (AND I MEAN NEEDS) extreme professional help.
I don't believe that the "once a week" route is intensive enough for your daughter. I think she needs to be in an IN-patient, structured environment where she cannot be a danger to herself and also get the mental and emotional help that she needs. (my sister went through this, although not as extreme). -------------------- ![]() |
Nina J |
Posted: Mar 24 2006, 01:21 AM
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![]() Praying For Spencer ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() Group: Members Posts: 2,793 Member No.: 3,398 Joined: 8-March 06 ![]() |
You need to get your daughter help. Your story reminded me of my cousin, who was suicidal. My Aunt and Uncle watched her, and took her to a pshyciatrist, and barely left her side. My Uncle was at work, and my Aunty went to make lunch. In the time it took her to make lunch, my cousin hung herself. We were the same age. So, don't leave your daughter alone, take her to a hospital, get her help. This has evoked alot of emotions for me, so sorry if I sound harsh. But I still miss my cousin so much, I don't want you to have to miss your daughter.
-------------------- Nina, Mama to Emily Kate, Odessa Jean & Aysun Aleisha.
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Brias3 |
Posted: Mar 28 2006, 12:08 AM
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Wow, sorry to hear of your story. This is the first I've read of your posts. Please give us an update if you are still around. Hoping for and wishing you the best.
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LonelyDadTo2 |
Posted: Mar 28 2006, 01:13 PM
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Thanks everyone. I took all of your advice and took her to the hospital. Hopefully I don't have to go through this anymore because she is hospitalized. That's not the choice I wanted to make but, it's something that had to be done. I have been crying for days. I couldn't deal with her. I just have to ask one question. Did I make the right decision? Because I feel like I didn't do the right thing.
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