update on lars and myself

Things have been very busy in our house due to the court stuff and lars volenteering at the fire dept. ( he had another intro meeting last night). We still have not reached any agreement and i've come to terms that we never will. I have grown tired of his broken words and so now when he says things i'm not so sure i believe him anymore. He claims to now be in love with me, which is great. He also claims to be saving up for a ring. but i'll believe it when i see it. and i asked him why is he bothering with a ring becuase he has broken every other promise so why should i believe he won't back out of our engadgment? I told him i won't put my heart on anything unless it's our wedding vows and THAT i WILL hold him to. As far as the baby issue we still butt heads. I say after we get married and he says maybe in a coupple years. I say i'm not waiting that long and the fight begins again. He has had the chance to do and has done so many things that he has dreamed or wanted to do ( many life changing things and things that effect my life too) since we started dating and i sacraficed and support him. I am just wanting some sacrifice and support over here. I don't think that's asking too much. I shouldn't even have to ask. That is my problem. so we shall see where this goes but with him being gone 3 days a week with this latest dream of his, i don't see a positive outcome.

Oh honey. It sounds like you're feeling like everything is coming to an end w/him. Maybe these 3 days a week will give you some space I think you need. Maybe it really is time to move on.

You know I don't blame you for feeling that way. You know what you want, you've bent and sacraficed for him, if he's not willing to do the same, then maybe he never will. I'm sure it hurts, I can't imagine what you're thinking. But remember, things happen for a reason. If you're feeling this, and seeing this then you know what you need to do. Break it off, find somebody that IS ready to settle down and make that committment. There's nothing wrong w/that. You know what, I KNOW there is somebody out there that will treat you and Mya like princesses and will give you your dreams. I almost feel bad for Lars for missing that boat...

We love you no matter what.

I dont even know what to say.

I think that it might be time to move on. You can't force him to want the things that you want...especially with a baby. Would you really want to have a baby with him knowing he didn't want it anyways? You guys have been going round and round with this for a while and it seems like its not changing. Personally I don't think either one of you is right or wrong. You had a baby young and technically you still are young...I don't find it that strange that he wants to wait because he is young. I know that you want a child close in age to Mia, but that isn't his fault that you had Mia young and want a child closer to her age....Im not meaning that to sound harsh by the way...just don't know another way to word it. You shouldn't have to wait and hear his empty promises, but at the same time you shouldn't expect him to be ready for something he is not. It sounds like neither one of you is willing to compromise...so you are beating a dead horse.

Some people have babies young and some want them when they are older. It probably has nothing to do with loving you enough, but more of making sure he can handle it all.

You have talked before about him maybe being uncertain how his job is going and you going through legal things with Brad....Maybe he just doesn't think its the right time and I can't fault him if those are the reasons. You said before that if things change at his job you will have to move back home to your parents...Those are not ideal situations for a marriage or a baby. Maybe he is thinking the same thing. Those factors are stressful for anyone to think of...let alone adding a marriage and a baby on top of those.

This post has been edited by mckayleesmom on Apr 17 2008, 09:14 AM

no not his fault at all. But i was VERY blunt when this all started as to what i wanted and was looking for. I feel more lead on. I feel like i was fair by making it clear and that's why i am so schocked that this is comming as a big surprise to him.

no not his fault at all. But i was VERY blunt when this all started as to what i wanted and was looking for. I feel more lead on. I feel like i was fair by making it clear and that's why i am so schocked that this is comming as a big surprise to him.

Well...maybe the stuff with his job and things are making him look at the bigger picture more.

no not his fault at all. But i was VERY blunt when this all started as to what i wanted and was looking for. I feel more lead on. I feel like i was fair by making it clear and that's why i am so schocked that this is comming as a big surprise to him.

sounds like maybe he thought he could get you to change your mind or stay regardless. I agree with the others...if he doesnt want this and you cant wait you need to move on. I am sorry.

Well, I know what its like to want another baby when your S/O or spouse doesnt want anymore. It sucks. Sorry!

(((HUGS))) maby its time to step back and maby see fi this is what you want. he may not be ready now and when he is ready you may not want to wait that long.. But no one really knows but him. I gave up aron because he was doing the same thing and i figured I coudl not find another and along came marcus a few years later and i am happier than i have ever been!

Shelly i am so thrilled you found your happiness
I know there are other men out there, but i want him and i Know he is ready. he is one of those people who don't know what they are capable of until they do things. He's amazing with mya & when jacob is over he is amazing there too ( doing some homework with mya now) so I know he is capable and ready but his own self confidance says otherwise. I just need him to see in hemself what everyone else (myself, my parents , our friends) see in him.

Shelly i am so thrilled you found your happiness
I know there are other men out there, but i want him and i Know he is ready. he is one of those people who don't know what they are capable of until they do things. He's amazing with mya & when jacob is over he is amazing there too ( doing some homework with mya now) so I know he is capable and ready but his own self confidance says otherwise. I just need him to see in hemself what everyone else (myself, my parents , our friends) see in him.

ahhh so he is like me then Well I wouldnt want a baby rushed on him because that may do bad than good. Im not saying do this but i was just wondering what would happen if you accidenlty got pregnant? would that make him run? because you wouldnt want that to happen. Im gald you want to eb with him and found happiness with him but lately i see unhappiness( is that even a word?)

i can understand the appearance that he is capable of being a husband and dad but if he's telling you he's not ready... then he's not ready. that is just something you cannot know because you are not in his head. it's much easier to help a kid with homework and play ball when they are not yours. the onus of a lifetime responsibility is not there when it's not your child. that doesn't mean he loves Mya any less than he would his own but it's not the same.

you are forgetting the fact that men are different. most men need to be financially stable before they make such a big committment. they don't want to set themselves up for failure, kwim? how much confidence will he have when he has not established his career or financial stability and works around the clock while you are at home and cooking, cleaning and caring for his baby? tbh, i think he is taking a sensible approach with all of this. if you can't or won't wait, then maybe it's time to move on.

I have to agree with Kimberly on this...you can't force him to believe he is ready. I believe you when you say you want him, but that means you have to accept him as he is, right now, and hope things turn out the way you want, or you have to make a break and hope he realizes he wants the same things as you before you find your happiness with someone else. I'm not saying to give him an ultimatum, but that sounds like the way I used to be with DH on other issues and he'd always tell me to take it or leave it. I hated that so much but one day realized he was right, I had to take him the way he is, or leave.

I know the situation sucks, when you're so sure you're right for each other "if only" he'd propose, "if only" he wanted to ttc, etc.

I know you want the best for him but you can't burden yourself with trying to "fix" him...sadly people with low self esteem have to find it within themselves. You can be supportive and his biggest cheerleader, but until he decides for himself that he's a great guy, you can't do much else

This post has been edited by luvmykids on Apr 17 2008, 01:35 PM

I don't know what to say! But just wanted to offer you my support in whatever decission you decide to make!

I am going to agree with some others.

It doesnt sound like he's ready, at all. I know you wish he was, and I think maybe that is clouding things, because someone who is ready does not act like he is acting.

You should really examine the situation & decide if you want to be with him, knowing that he does not seem to be changing his mind.

& even if you could force him to do all the things you want him to do...would you really want that?

i agree... i have low self esteem because i grew up listenign to my mom say i need to lose weight and give me not so suttle hints that i need to. And to thsi day i hate my body. even though i have lost 30 pounds i still feel im not good enough. and they way i was treated by my BF's i have a low self esteem as well with that. Marcus tries to make me see diff but until i see it myself whatever he says does not clue in to me...

not possible as i cut him off from that activity 3 weeks ago. I'm not sure anymore how he would react, if you asked this a month ago i would say he would panick, but with all the love he's been voicing recently i don't know how he would react. he deffinately wouldn't run. If anything he would want to get married and make sure his child was entering a stable home.