Advice....

Well, if he cancelled b/c he wanted to smoke weed, I wouldnt know, because I wouldnt ask. I dont ask if he cancels, I am assuming that he is only doing it because he has to, or he may tell me "I have to work" which may or may not be a lie- who knows?

Sure I would be aggravated, but I wouldnt let my kids know about it...I wouldnt show my kids that I was upset, I wouldnt tell them what is going on.

Frankly, there is no law that says he must spend time with his child. I mean I think he SHOULD but no one can make him. KWIM?

Really, the best thing to do if he really does all this is to NOT tell Jenna she is going with him until he gets there, and tell him he must not do it either.

I do have a very good relationship with my ex by most standards, but its not ALWAYS butterflies & roses, KWIM?

I just think there are a ton of ways to avoid the problems she is having, and a ton of ways to deal with it, that dont involve putting Jenna in the middle & letting her know that her parents do not get along.

I think her having a talk with him is a very very good idea, but she just needs to realize she cant control his behavior, and has to find ways to deal with the situation otherwise.

I DONT tell jenna or show jenna im mad i bite my tongue and look happy. And yes I tell him not to say anything but i cant stop him... So other than using Duct tape on his mouth i cant stop this from happening!!!! Jenna has no idea we dont get along at elast not from me.. what they tell her behind my back is another story! Yes i know i cant control his beahaviour BUT believe me he will start to have respect fro me!!!!

I have stopped BUT he hasnt. i have tiold him Over and over and over again until i was blue in teh face to not promise her things until he is sure he can take her. ... so aside from em telling himt o stop i dont know what to do to curb this...

I can come to you with an open mind on this b/c I TRULY DETEST Tanner's dad. We CAN get along in a joint setting...we don't argue(well..very seldom)..he doesn't pay me child support like he's court ordered and I'd love to rip him a new one all of the time..but I don't. I have NO communication with him unless absolutely necessary. Why? b/c it's better that way!

When he comes to get Tanner, I go to the front door and tell Tanner goodbye and give a polite wave and shut the door...
When Tanner comes home, I open the door, give a polite wave and shut the door.
When we talk on the phone regarding visits, he says,"can I get him tomorrow at 6?" and I reply, "Yes sure, have him home on sunday by 6 if you can" He says, "okay no problem" and we say, "bye"

That's it. It really is that easy! There's no need for any deep discussions!
I guess what I'm saying Shelly is don't give him the opportunity to speak to you in any manner but matter of factly. When he calls, tell him you're really busy to please make it quick and you can make your visit arrangements and get off the phone. or if he starts to act rude, in a calm and controlled voice say.."I have to go now, you'll be here to get her when?" Reiterate over and over by YOUR actions and voice tone and wording that the only conversation you are willing to have is about Jenna and the needed specifics. Don't give him anymore power over you. and you may say he doesn't have power over you, but if he is making you feel like crap or upsetting you or angering you, then yes, he does have power over you.
Like I said, I'm not saying anything I don't practice in my own life..I hate my ex with a great passion, but you would never in a million years know it b/c I'm always calm, collected and cool when dealing with him..just very too the point, I don't leave time for him to make snide or rude or unnecessary remarks.. I never hang around during drop offs or pick ups for visits..that just leads to opportunity. I never leave dead space on the phone..I say what I NEED to say and get off. Because I'm sure he would love to say as many hateful things to me as I would to him..I mean I had him arrested when our relationship ended for stealing my car..he has a criminal record b/c of me..and he can't even get a car or loan for a house or anything in his name b/c he has a collection from the state on his record for back child support and in his mind, that's b/c of ME..so I'm sure he hates me as much as I hate him...and he would LOVE for me to give him the time of day to say something nasty to me..but I don't..and That's my advice for you too! It really would make your life a lot more simple to limit your interaction with him!