Will my baby be ok without me???, Baby's Father wants to take Baby on 10 d

[Adrienne]

I am hoping to get some advice. My baby's father is wanting to take our son who is 8 months on a trip to see his family. The problem is he hasn't been a part of my son life. He was there for delivery and soon after we broke up. I went to visit him for a week in Dec and a week in Jan. He is in the military and is stationed in an other state. I am trying my best to keep him apart of his son's life and have decided to relocate close to him so my son can get to know his father. He wants to take our son for 10 days to spend with his family. He said he wouldn't take him right away maybe June or July when our son gets to know him better. I don't feel comfortable with this and think his is to young to be away from me for this amount of time. My ex thinks he will be fine, but I just keep thinking about how for 8 months I have been the only parent in his life. He will have 2-3 months (spending time between our two houses) to get to know his father and I am still worried it would scare the hell out of him.
His family invited me to come visit and his mother still says she loves me. But he said that he didn't want me there because he would feel resposible for me, then he said he wanted to be able to be around his family without censoring everything he says. He has been dating a girl for about 2 months and will want to talk about her I guess or I am guessing he might want to take her to visit his family. He also wants to have this girl around our son which I think is way to soon. Anyways I told him I couldn't let him take our son and that he was to young. I decided to visit his family on my own without him, but I am wondering if I am being overprotective or unreasonable.

[mummy2girls]

thats a tough one... i think at 8 months it is too young to be away from you for that amount of time because he does and have only known you for that long as his only parent. I think it should be done gradually so he can get to know his son and your son get to know his daddy. and to also get use to your sons routine and such..

I am a single mom too so i know your feelings ! its tough!

[~Roo'sMama~]

Mmm, that does seem like too long to me too. I think I'd be nervous about just a couple days at that age. I know when my son hit 8 months old he got really bad separation anxiety too, and it's supposed to be pretty common around that age. My son is now 10 months old and is still pretty anxious when he's not with me. Are you nursing? If you're nursing 10 days is definitely way too long to be away from you imo, but even if you're not I think I'd insist on going along, even though your son will be more like 10 or 11 months old by that time.

Good luck I hope it all works out.

[Adrienne]

Hi sorry I didn't intro myself my name is Adrienne I'm 28 and I had my beautiful Lil HoneyBear, Gabriel, August 16th it has been hard at times but I look at my son and it is sooo worth it. I will soon be seperated from the Navy and figure I should give Gabriel's father a try at being a Dad.

[mckayleesmom]

Well...I would agree with you...That is a little too long to be away from your son at such a young age....especially when you have been his soul caretaker.

Maybe there is a compromise in here somewhere....Is there any way that you can let him take him for a couple days and then go pick him up yourself? Maybe 3 days.....Im sure he would be ok then, but 10 is a long time.

Also...I think you and the ex need to set boundaries on when new girlfriends or boyfriends enter the picture.....Babies and toddlers get really attached and a girlfriend of 2 months is kind of too soon for my liking. I would just let him know that although you hope his relationship works...you would show him the same respect if you had a boyfriend and would appreciate if he didn't introduce your son to her too soon.

[Adrienne]

I stopped breast feeding 3 weeks ago (I miss it so much!!) so I could get on something. The stress of everything was getting to me and I figured a happy Mom is a better Mom. I had a real hard time during my pregancy I was newly stationed in FL and I didn't know a soul. At the time I was really missing Gabe's father, but our phone conversations started to turn ugly. I was crazy when I was pregnant. He couldn't understand that women are so sensitive while pregnant.I thought that the distance would destroy our relationship and figured I should break up with him sooner then later. He was begging me not to and well..a week later I wanted him back and he wanted no part of it. It was hard to except that one fight during my pregnancy could cause him to fall out of love with me, but I suppose that is what happened and I blamed myself for a long time. Before he treated me with such love and tenderness and now it is hard for us to have a conversation with out one of us getting mad. He has been there financially and was there for the delivery and bought almost all of the baby stuff. He also calls almost everyday to talk to Gabe. He deserves to be apart of our son's life because of all he has done and I couldn't be selfish and go home, instead I will relocate close to him. I believe that he is still not mature enough to understand the impact this will have on his life and I know that I might get into a situation where I am playing nanny while him and his new girlfriend go out. I took it really hard when I found out that he was seeing someone that he really likes. I was so angry that he is having the time of his life while its so hard for me to have a social life because I am already away from my son for 9 hrs each day because of my job and can't leave him. I rather be with my son then go out but hearing about his carefree life irks me.
Its been really hard to agree on how to raise Gabe and I don't believe he understands how much it will change his life. He seems to be more concerned that his time with his girlfriend will suffer then being concerned with the time he spends with his son. His girlfriend is 20 and lives with her parents so he has her over alot and says that he can have her over and still have quality time with Gabe. I tried to talk to him about how I feel he shouldn't bring girls around him unless he knows for sure its serious, and I dont believe this relationship will last very long. I found out from a mutual friend of ours that this girl cheated on her boyfriend to be with him and he told this girl he could never trust her. Anyways I know that this girl will be around my son and I can't help but be a bit angry. We originally agreed not to bring our new love interests around Gabe and now because this girl doesnt have her own place (this is his excuse) he wants to have her over while our son is visiting him. He makes it seem like I am being unreasonable and states that Gabe wont remember anyway. I tried to tell him how Gabe could get attached but when he feels that he is right there is no reasoning with him. How can I get through to him?
Well I am happy to hear that you all agree that Gabe is way to young and fell alot better about my decision not to let him go for now... maybe when he is 18 months or even 2 it might be ok but I don't think its healthy. Gabes father is going to throw a fit and I believe his family will try to talk me into letting him take him. I will have to do what I believe is right and try not to let them make me feel that I am keeping Gabe from them blah blah.
Anyways who ever reads this thanks for listening because I know alot of you have had it so much worst then I. I have the highest respect for all of you who had to do it all by yourself and whos exs don't want anything to do with thier child. Maybe someday they will come to realize how much they missed out on being apart of childs life.

[PrairieMom]

Mine is almost 3 and I would have a hard time leaving him for that ammount of time esp. with someone he barely knows. How do you feel about the fathers parenting skills? are you confident that it is even safe to send your son with him?

[Adrienne]

Honestly from what I could observe when we went to visit is that he doesn't exactly find being a parent exciting I think he got bored and might resort to TV and Movies to entertain Gabe...Also he is really insensitive to Gabe and thinks I am coddling him. Today I told him Gabe is being more clingy and wants me to hold him more and he said its time to cut the cord. I told him that I am not even going to talk about parenting. He has alot of growing up to do..I am starting to get these crazy ideas that maybe he might take Gabe anyway. I would be powerless to do anything because he is the father. We haven't gone to court for anything, I know you might believe that I am making a mistake by not doing anything offical but he hasn't been late on child support and he is so irate about going to court.
Another thing is that I see red when I think of another woman taking care of my son. I hope he doesn't just try to have his new gf help out with caring for Gabe. I already told him this...

[greatmotheroftwo]

omg i cant believe what im reading cause i am really going through what you are going through. i am going back to court with my ex cause he wants to see her but in the time being i am being nice annd letting him see her but what i dont like is that heis fiances always there with him when its suppose to be his time and not the two of them. i meant i dont mind his family being there its just his fiance. this is new to me cause im only 26 and i dont want my daughter to have an attachment to her..... do you think this is right

[Adrienne]

I think he needs to make one on one time with his daughter having his fiance around all the time while he is visiting doesn't seem right to me. My sister just remarried and started having problems with her son. I think it was because my sister wasn't making "dates" with just him and her.
How long has he know his fiance? Do you think it is going to last for any amount of time. I guess I am asking this because if it is serious I think that sharing his daughter would be something he would want to do. BUT in no way should he try to make out that this woman is a replacment for you. Grrrr I hate thinking that (with my situation) they are going spend all this family like time.
I guess I just keep telling myself that no matter what Gabe knows I am his Mother and he might enjoy his time with this other woman, but he will always have that special bond with me.

[greatmotheroftwo]

hes only known her for about a year or so but i still dont like that situation ans i want her just to stay away but i cant have that can i.