Young teen having sex, I'm a scared mommie!

Ok...I have a different take on this in a couple of ways....first of all, I'd talk to the boy. Face to face. And if it makes him uncomfortable, all the better, then my work here is done, ya know what I mean? I'd tell my daughter I didn't want them going out this weekend, but he can come over for dinner on saturday if she'd like. When he arrived, I'd have my little chat. Probably offer him up a box of condoms instead of an after dinner dessert. smirk. Dude, here's how this is going to work. If you think, you are ready for that kind of behavior, you best be doing it safely, of course I'm concerned for your health. Secondly, lets talk legalities here...you realize you are having sex with a minor, yes? and the implications, legally, you've thought this thru? Because while I may not choose that path, the next parent might...so have ya got a good lawyer? Money in the bank to pay for the expenses? Parents set up to cover for ya if you don't ? ..just asking... And of course, if there IS a baby at some point, you good to go with that? I mean, you would make an honest woman outta my babygirl right?? Lets talk wedding plans...how's June? And...umm...what kind of job do you have currently, ,sorry, baby girl hasn't told me much about you, you are employed right? cause, frankly, I don't really have enough room here for you and a baby, so, you have money in savings for an apartment, planning to be on your own soon, or did you have a college path in place? ahh well, time enough to discuss that down the road I guess, if it comes to that huh? Oh, how's your meal? tasty?

That said, lol, I agree with everything everyone else said, protect the daughter first, get the birth control started, and yes, I too , would make my daughter buy the condoms, set the doc. appt...etc. I too, would have the talk about respect, and making sure they understand dating does not have to include sex just to keep the boy around, or happy.

My girls are 15 and 17. The fifteen yr old has had two dates, one as a group date with older sis and her boyfriend, one a homecoming dance at school. She knows other than a school function, she is not allowed to date til she is 16. The 17 yr old, has more than once sent a boy packing when he expected more than she was willing to give. I wish you all the best with your daughter, just let her know you love her no matter what, but , how you feel about the boy, she has no control over.

I'm 18 years old and I got pregnant with my first child when I was 15 almost 16. Personally I reccomend the birth control option first. (you can get a birth control shot that lasts for three months free from your local health department talk to them about it first though because I'm not sure if you have to go evey three months for it or two because it takes a month or a week or something like that to kick in). Talk to her about it before you do this though tell her you're not encouraging her you just want her to be safe. If you tell them they can't see each other anymore they will anyways they'll find their ways. I don't really have any other advice except that maybe you should ask her to see a school councilor. Sorry I'm not of too much help.

I lost my favorites list and it too me forever to find this message board again

Cynda, I absolutely loved your post! Humurous and yet very serious at the same time. Plus great advice!

Tylersmommy, that you as well.

DD is on the patch now, this has also helped with her severe cramping, said boy is no longer lurking around. Things aren't coming up roses but I feel like we've made some headway and I pray that she has learned a tremendous lesson.

I see I'm very late on this... sorry. I had sex for the first time 2 weeks before my 16 birthday. It was with a guy I'd dated about 4 months. I did not have a self-esteem problem or a bad home life, I simply wanted to do it. Not bc of raging hormones either... just wanted to see what it was all about. I now wish I had waited until I was married (or at least older), but you can't change the past. Hopefully your daughter will take time to step back and re-evaluate her decisions before she dates anymore. While I know forbidding encourages rebellion, I do think restricting her to dating after she's 16 and/or only with an adult chaperone will help. (Group dates aren't that safe... friends don't really care what you do.) While it may anger her at first, one day she'll understand. I don't know what your experiences were growing up, but maybe you could share some with her to help you connect and help her to know that you aren't an old woman who just wants to ruin her fun.
Also, as sad as it is, this is now a life experience that she has, one she can build on in the future. Remember to just love her and keep her as safe as you can, and know that she will make mistakes and will need you to be there when she does. Hopefully she won't repeat this one. good luck...

Ok I am not a parent of a teenager but I felt I had to say something.
So if you don't agree with me just disregard this post.

I think you need to phone her boyfriends parents. At least give them the benefit of the doubt. Just because their son is 16 doesn't mean they will not care. For one, isn't it illegal for him to be having sex with your daughter seeing as she is under 16? She is a minor correct? Therefore he can get into serious trouble, whether or not she was a willing participant. I'm not saying call the cops. Just speak to them about your concerns. If they don't care at all then you can threaten them (just to scare them) so they will talk to their son.

It's probably true that your daughter will continue to have sex now. But all kids are different. Please don't just assume that she won't listen to you. Maybe you could acquire a video of a lady giving birth? We had to watch one in Science class at high school and it scared the h*ll out of me. Enough that I said I was never having kids. LOL
Tell her you are worried about her getting pregnant or catching an STD. Ask her to please wear condoms and try to get her onto birth control.
Don't be embarrassed to talk openly with her. She is your daughter.
Tell her that birth control and condoms are not 100 percent safe and she COULD still get pregnant. Ask her if she is ready to be a parent.

I don't agree that just because a girl is old enough that she is getting her period that then she is old enough to be a mother. Some girls get their periods at 9 years old. In fact, one girl got pregnant at the age of 4 and had a baby (by c section) at 5 years old. Because she got her periods very early in life (about 3 I think) does that make her ready to be a mother? Just something to think about.
I don't think a girl under the age of 16 should be a mother. And personally, I wasn't ready until I was in a stable long term relationship with my fiance (now hubby). I am sure that if you ask other solo mothers who had their babies at age 15 or 16 or even 17 that they will say that they were not really ready and that it has been very hard for them. They have to leave school, find a job or some way to support themselves and their baby. Not all can just stay at home with mommy and daddy and keep going to school while their mother takes care of the baby.

I will try to find the story of the 5 year old...

Oh yeah I forgot.. .she is 14 so she just can't leave the house without your permission right? So you could try to stop her going to her boyfriends house or anywhere with him alone. She might sneak out but it's worth a try. Make a rule that they can only see each other at school and at your home. Obviously they either had sex somewhere other than his house or at his house. If it was at his house his parents are not obviously going to stop them from being alone in his room. Invite him around for dinner but make a rule that they cannot be alone in her room. So they have to talk in the dining room or sitting room/lounge or at school. Or in a public place with a chapherone (sp?)

http://www.snopes.com/pregnant/medina.asp

Her name was Lina Medina. If you scroll down to the bottom there is a photo of her with the doctor and her son. It's very sad.

Thanks ladies!

willsmama: From what she has told me that was her reason for wanting to have sex as well. I did for the same reasons unfortunately. Hindsight is definitely 20/20 right! I agree 100% on the groupdating thing since from what I gather that was how this happened in the first place. She has never been allowed to go on a "date" but was meeting up with friends at movies, mall, park etc. Of course all of these activities are much more chaparoned now!!!
thanks so much for taking the time to post

ilovemybaby: I agree with your posts as well. At this point she is not allowed to see him outside of school period. Like I said earlier she was never allowed to "date" him but we did allow her to go to the movies etc where we took her, picked her up and knew other friends were going. The boy does not live with his parents. This is another side of the story... I did contact his guardians which did very little except they did start monitoring his free time etc more and I called his mother who unfortunately never bothered to return my calls. It's a mess although we are much closer for it. I'm ready for bed and feel I should say more but can't seem to think straight anymore lol
Thank you for taking the time to post!

How has your daughter held up to the greater restrictions you've placed upon her?

That story about the 5 yr old giving birth was utterly unbelievable! I had heard a story awhile back about children in some South American village experiencing unnaturally early puberty as a result of environmental contamination. Apparently, the American company that produces the bovine growth hormone (BGH) still found in non organic milk here was manufacturing it in South America and it somehow seeped into the ground water being consumed by the locals. Many children there began menstruating at abnormally early ages, and I believe the boys were affected as well. The connection was made between BGH and this bizarre affliction. I remember this story vividly b/c it was related to a fight in Congress between public interest groups, who were advocating labelling milk that contains BGH, and the company that manufacturers it, Monsanto, along with the dairy lobby, who obviously wanted to prevent the labelling in fear it would stigmatize their products. Guess who won?? That was the last day I bought non organic milk and became highly suspicious of and disgusted by our gov't's lack of advocacy on behalf of our children.
Anyway, long long digression from the op, but that story was staggering. I wonder if it was the same town- now I'm gonna have to go and check that out.

Hi tkdixon! im 14 as well and started having sex when i was 13. I was so confused about it all, all i wanted was a parent there to support me through it and talk to me about it. I think you should talk to her about this and maybe ask her about birth control, whether she knows about safe sex etc. please support her through it and dont get mad, talk to her in a 'helpful' tone and try not to lose your cool. Also another rule is, if you dont want to know about something - then dont ask.

Dont not let her see him or punish her, you shouldnt be punished for having sex and this will just make her rebel further. I say most importantly make sure she didnt get an STD or is pregnant before anything.

I am also interested to know how you know she is having sex?

Ditto!

Sure BC will help with not getting pregnant, but what about STD's and the chance it still can happen? Teaching a child about abstinence (sp?) and respecting their own bodies is necessary! Not to sound too harsh, but if you "support" her having sex, you might as well throw in the towel, IMHO. You can still be a supportive parent and not be supportive of her having sex.

To be honest, I was forbidden from seeing certain guys that were not great influences when I was younger. As an adult now, I am SO thankful they did it. Was I upset then? Of course, but you CAN put your foot down if you see it being necessary. I could have been a teenage mom, and even though many teenage moms are wonderful, does anyone really WANT that for their child? If anyone answers "yes, I want to have a teenage mom", that's ridiculous. Don't be afraid. A 14 year old doesn't know what is best for them, I'm sorry. That is why we are legally responsible for them until they are 18.

I hope you can talk to her about it and that she will understand she is not making good choices.

This post has been edited by TannerBugsMom on Aug 28 2006, 12:57 PM

Wow, I didn't realize this was so old. Sorry! I should have looked at the date, but someone else brought it back from the dead.

I hope everything with the original poster is well.