14 year old has a report card with low grades, gets long sorry!

My son's second report card this year came in with some low grades. Mostly 60's and 70's, mostly the problem is he doesn't hand in papers and homework on time so it brings his average down. For instance, in science he had a 96 average on tests, and graded items, she gives zeros in anything turned in late so his grade is a 72. He can do A and B work with no trouble. If he was a C student, I would not push the issue, I have always stood for not pushing for grades. (I was pushed and did not like it, also my parents did not listen and I did not like that either.)

So my DH and I asked him to come up with a goal for what his next report card grades would be in each class, and write how he was going to accomplish that. (example goal of 88 in science, I will hand in all HW on time). We also said 80 was minimum acceptable grade in each class. I asked for this to be written by 5 pm today.

I received a three page hand written note from my very creative son:

Then he goes on to explain that to me. and tells me that he wants to have fun, and I should have fun, and what's the point of living a boring, work filled life.

then...

So really this is a bright, independent, polite, well behaved boy. He is 14 (will be 15 in February), He is planning to work this summer at a nearby boy scout camp. He is a boy scout, will be a life member in 3 months and and Eagle scout in about 1-2 years (depending on how this new life philosophy goes ) He is a member of our church, he gives us no trouble with being home on time, letting us know where he is at all times.

So my question (if you read this far -- thank you): What do I do next? I think I go back, and negotiate with him. Ok you want to have fun .. how about 80's in all classes and you can have all the fun you want. Anyway, please all comments are welcome. Thanks.

Any infor would be great! Thanks

He sounds like a typical teen who has it all figured out! Perhaps you can try explaining to him that after you get good grades and to to college and get a good job so you don't have to work 50+ hours a week to make ends meet will make it a heck of a lot easier to have fun. $ = fun. its that simple.
It sounds like it wouldn't be much of a push for him to do better either. He can get a lot of gain out of a little effort!

OMG...your son is hillarious. I just spit out my pop when I read...before you come yelling at me .

Ok...I wouldn't go yelling at him. I would go in rationally and have a sit down talk with him and your husband there with you of course. Tell him that you want to be able to back off and respect his decisions, but he is going to have to bring his grades up in order for you to back off.

It might also help if you go in there armed with statistics....a high school graduates job and income compared with a college graduates jobs and income potential.

If he doesn't want to cooperate...then I suggest you let him know where the classified sections in the newspaper are so he can get a part time job to pay for all those extra carricular activities hes involved in....Oh...but then he would have to work and wouldn't have time....I think I remember you mentioning hockey???Correct me if Im wrong.

I totally understand his wanting freedom and room to slack off, but as a parent it is your job to make sure that he lives up to his potential until he turns 18. He sounds like such a smart boy and what a waste it would be to not use that knowledge. Im not saying push for harder grades...but it sounds like you and he both know he can do better.

Also...try talking to him about what might be causing this sudden lack of wanting to get good grades. Could he possibly be trying to fit in with another crowd and his grades are too much to fit in? It sounds like there is something more then independence behind this.

This post has been edited by mckayleesmom on Dec 11 2005, 08:48 PM

Sounds like you have a great son, he's just having problems with his priorites. I remember when I was in 9th grade. I had always gotten a 4.0 GPA until I hit high school. I started playing sports, having a lot of friends, partying, not caring about school. I figured I was smart enough to pull of the A's without putting in the time. I never had to study to get good grades before, but high school was a wake up call. I got a 2.5 GPA my 9th grade year. For the same reason your son is, having my priorities screwed up and wanting to have fun. I thought I was entitled to it. You're only young once, right? Wrong....was I way wrong!
When I brought home my report card, my whole world stopped! First, I was benched from sports because of my grades. I was grounded by my parents, and didn't have a social life. No sports, no friends, nothing! That was the wake up call I needed. My parents realized that I had the potential and there was no excuse for poor grades. Even though I was angry at them for grounding me, looking back at it, they did the right thing.
If there are no consequences to my actions, I wouldn't change. A kick in the butt and a reality check is what it took me to get my grades up.
I had to sign a contract, literally, with my parents. In the contract I had to agree to bring home a 3.0 GPA. I had to get a weekly progress report from my teachers. I had to show them my complete/finished homework every night. And if I didn't hold up to my end of the contract, then all of my priveledges were taken away until I could show them better grades and better homework and progress reports.
High school is training for the real world, and for college. Teenagers need to realize there is time for play, and time for work. If he puts in the time and works, then he gets to play. I know you were raised with strict parents that forced grades on you. But if he is as bright as he is, a 3.0 or better is very reasonable goal for him.
Sure, he may be angry for awhile. But he needs you to be the parent, he needs guidance, and he needs to be accountable for his actions.
He has to learn how to balance his life, with work and play. And that is our job as parents to teach them the skills and the way the real world works.
Hope this helps. Remember we've all been there. But thank God for parents that care enough about our futures to step in and make a difference!
Ann

Me too! I couldn't believe it! But I did laugh, he is very humorous! I can't wait to give him this note when his first born turns 14!!!!

Great Idea! Thanks!

I had not thought of this. I will definetely do this.

And Brianne, Hockey is my dd's sport. But thanks for remembering anyway!

But I do like the support yourself option if all else fails.

VEry good points Thanks.

Ann Thanks very much. I think that you have pinpointed the problem:

Everyone thanks for you insight. Good to know I am not way off base. Anymore suggestions .... keep them coming.