The intense pain...

[mummy2girls]

came flooding back.... I was surfing through the channels on the tv while laying in bed. 20/20 was on. So i tucked the remote for some odd reason under the covers and began to watch the show. The show was about twin boys born with something wrong with thier hearts and needed transplants. The one twin recieved a heart. Very emotinal feeling came back but not to bad at this time so i just contuned to watch. Well the next thing that was said floored me and my heart started to beat a mile a minute. It said that the name of the baby that donated the heart for thier son to live was named jordan! My heart literally stopped beating for a second and then started pounding out of my chest. I was at this point trying to find the remote so i could change the channel and for the life of me could not find it. Then it said that the parents of Jordan was able to meet the parents of the infant they saved. OMG! It showed the mom of Jordan holding this baby , placing her hand on the chest to feel her babys heart beating. I started to literally shake and bawl. I finally found the remote and by this time the story was done. It was a rare occasion those families could meet because by law to protect the recepient you could not find out the indentity of one another. But the mom of jordan went on the internet and searched and searched till they found them... I have always wanted to meet the baby that recieved jordans heart but after seeing that show i know emotionally i could not , not even 7 years later... I think i would totally lose it... Im not sure why i couldnt find my remote when i wanted to but maby it was for a reason. In the end i feel drained and the intense feeling of the day i lost Jordan came rushing back. I have learned over time to accept the pain of losing a child and i have learned how to handle the pain but this is the first time i literally could not handle the pain. I even woke up jenna from my crying. She went back to sleep but geez i feel so lost:(

[NEWMOM05]

Oh, Shelly it might have been good for you to see it, but to have to feel that type of pain again. I'm so sorry you had to relive that. You have been through so much and are such an amazing mommy to both Jenna and Jordan and the other little angel. His memory lives on through the love you show others. Thank you for sharing with me.


This post has been edited by NEWMOM05 on Apr 7 2006, 10:54 PM

[amymom]

[mummy2girls]

Thanks guys. I feel alot better today.. last night was just hard!