Help with 14 year old boy, grades

[deidral]

Hi all, This is my first post and I am at my wit's end. I have 3 boys ages 14, 12, and 11. My oldest child is very smart. He tests extremely well (99th percentile)and his strongest subject is language arts. His grades have continued to go down for the last 3-4 years. Mainly the problem is he won't turn in (do) his homework. He is very unorganized and does not want my help is this area. He is in the 8th grade and next year is when his grades will start to really count for college. We have met with his teachers and I truly believe he has good intentions at the beginning of each grading period but within a couple of weeks we are back at the same place.

He likes video games and the computer and we have taken all of those things from him in the past. There again, he is good for a week or two and back to the same old thing even though he does not have his "toys" back. He turns up more and more using his brothers games and because he has been pretty good I let it slide.

I have come to the conclusion that he really just has no consequences to his actions. (my fault) He was on the verge of failing Language Arts, Math, Science and Social Studies at the end of last semester but pulled out straight C's at the last minute. We have asked him to have is agenda signed everyday by his teachers and for the first couple of weeks this was great. Now after the third week he is failing all of the same subjects again. For not turning things in. His teachers seem to think it is the easy assignments he is not turning in because he has the attitude this is beneath him. As of today we are moving him out of his bedroom (and away from his games) into our spare bedroom. I have told him I will not do his laundry nor call him more than once in the morning. He is to go to his new room when he gets home from school and only come out for dinner. This is for 2 weeks. We have also told him he will not get his learner's permit if he has a C on his report card ant the end of the year.

Any comments or advice? Have we ruined this kid? (way too spoiled)

[momofone]

I think you are doing all the right things it just a matter of him doing homework or handing it in.

Maybe just remind him as he leaves for school in the morning to bring it with him. Hope things get better.

[Anthony275]

dont feel bad, im like that way too. you just gotta keep reminding him that hes only ruining himself for the future, low grades won't get him into any college, and he wont get a job

[luvmykids]

I haven't reached that age yet with my kids but since his teachers seem to recognize that he is capable of the work, could they maybe find him more challenging assignments?

I don't know, but it seems to me you're doing the right thing. He's at an age to understand that the point isn't whether he likes it or not, wants to do it or not, he needs to do it just because. Good luck

[gr33n3y3z]

I never had that problem but making him stay in his room and not knowing what he is doing isnt good either
I would have him sit where he can be seen all the time so you can see him doing work or just sitting there bc for all you know he could be sleeping up in the room

Good luck hun

[CantWait]

We've had this problem in the past, and it's amazing to see the difference a grade is when you don't hand the assignment in, to when you do.

First things first, and you said yourself you haven't been consistent with the punishment, you need to begin doing that. No more letting things slide.

Does he have a school agenda or a daily planner that he brings home to you each day? Something where he can write down each day what he's suppose to do. Check it, everyday, and then check his work at the end of the night. Let him have half an hour when he gets home from school to just do whatever he wants. Lets face it, sitting in school for 6-8 hours 5 days a week is just like a day of work for us, and don't we appreciate the down time when we get home.

I'd also consider buying some magnetic organizers he can hang in his locker to sort things from. This helped my son tremendously. Last time I was at his school and looked in his locker it was eirily clean. One of the things that helped also were letting my son pick out post it notes, he choose some fun funky colours, and some cool gel pens to write with.

At school, see if he can stay a couple minutes behind to make sure he has everything he needs, or if he has a desk that he keeps everything in that he can clean out. Part of my son's problem was that he felt overwhelmed with everything that was going on or the noise level in class, friends bugging him etc that he couldn't get it down during class time.

Also, does he have a clean desk at home, free of distractions? Is his tv on while he's doing homework? Just some other things to consider and think about.

Maybe you could also make a chart of some sort that hangs at the front door. Sorta like a checklist. We have a small dry board in front of ours for messages, numbers etc....

Good Luck.

[jcc64]

I'm a big fan of email. I have a 15 yo son who is now a sophomore in high school. He's also bright, takes all honors classes, but imo, is a bit of an underachiever. His grades hover around 90, but in a few classes, they've dipped below that from time to time. I have an agreement with his teachers that I am to be contacted if his grades fall below a 90. His math teacher and I probably send 4 or 5 emails back and forth every week. There are no surprises that way. It's worked very well for us. I'm also a big fan of parent/teacher conferences WITH the student there as well, so everyone's on the same page.
I agree with Lisa that putting him in his room where you don't know what he's doing may not be the best solution. Keep him near you so you can see if he's actually doing any work. Some kids would rather stare at the walls than do their homework.
There are no easy solutions and it's an ongoing, relentless process. I don't know if most kids are capable of understanding the long term implications of their behavior at your son's age. College may as well be 100 yrs into the future- they can't think past tomorrow, kwim? I tie my son's social life to his grades. The better his grades, the more freedom he enjoys. Sounds like you're on the right track. Good luck and keep us posted.

[marylandsoxfan]

Edit: On second thought, not really for public viewing. Sorry.

This post has been edited by marylandsoxfan on Jan 31 2008, 11:09 AM