Dilemma with my son and friends, Mother of one acting odd!

This gets long and I have shortened it quite a bit. But I really need some advice on this. My son has a group of friends that hang out together. They are mostly guys, but do have a few girls that include themselves every so often. They are good kids. Not the ‘best’ kids but good kids. They self regulate, so to speak. They ostracize the guys that try to be ‘players’ and degrade girls or other antisocial activity. They don’t do drugs. They mostly hang out at my house or around town when weather permits. They are all 14 to 16 yr olds. At any given time there could be 4 to 15 of them. It IS overwhelming at times. One of the kids (George) has lived about 10 miles from us until about a month ago. He and Billy have been really close, and he has spent many weekends at our house. Some Sat mornings his mom would drop him off at 10:00 Sat. morning and not pick him up until Sunday night. This year Billy & George have almost all their classes together at school. and they have gotten very close, I'd say Best friends. I have spoken to mom maybe twice and the kids have know each other for about three years. She knows us because she went to school with my nephew and my MIL has lived in this town for over 65 years. I do not know her very well. A month ago this friend moved closer to us, into town. Billy and a few of the guys helped them move. They have a ‘neat basement’ the kids could hang out in. So now they have been hanging out at George’s house and ours.

I noticed yesterday, something wasn’t right. Call it mother’s instinct whatever. I asked Billy and a few of the other guys where was George? No real response. Then George im’d Billy that he may need to go to the Psych Center. What? So I asked Billy about it. He told me this:

George’s mom, told him on Sat night (after she told all the kids to go home), that he wasn’t allowed to hang out with his ‘druggie’ friends anymore and that he was taking a drug test. George agreed to take the test, and tried to argue with his mom, but she won’t listen. George is not talking to his mom, but he found a piece of paper his mom had made a list of friend’s names on it in three columns. One labeled, ok, maybe, & never. Under Ok is Billy & 1 other friends name. Under never is a kid they know but are not friends with (they had ostracized him for stealing), then many of the other kids names are under maybe. George has not asked his mom what this list means.

I told Billy I was going to call mom and find out what is up. Billy tells me not to, that his mother hates him. That my call will make things worse. Billy says George’s mom Hates George and will do anything to make his life miserable. Billy is going to talk to George at school today to see what they can figure out. Until I get more info I really am not going to do anything but I, as a parent, don’t want another parent in a small town calling my son a druggie. I told Billy maybe Mom is just overwhelmed with all these teen boys at her house and maybe she overheard some of their weird conversations. When I hear them talking weird, I just impose myself into the conversation and make them explain, but it seems like she may not have.

Anyway thanks for listening, if you have any advice give it to me. If you have been there, done that, I would love to hear your experience. I just am not liking this. I am worried about George and worried about my son. I had dreams last night that I suddenly had two teenage sons, George and Billy!!!


PS: Thanks for reading all this.

Wait and see you DS says today. If not then call his Mom and talk to her causualy about life and then slip that in there. I would be surious also. You never know she might know something you dont. But I would find out either way. Good luck with it.

Anne Marie, I know your instinct as a mother is to come to Billy's defense, but for now I'd respect his wishes. He might be right. I hope that "OK" means that Billy isn't a "suspect" in George's mother's eyes. Anyway, I hope George hasn't gotten involved in drugs. Do you know how his mother came to the conclusion that George might be using? Just curious.

That's just it, Bill says there is no reason for her saying this. He used the line... "Oh she is just making his life miserable" But I know how overwhelming it can be to have a bunch of teens at your house and they get a bit rambunctious, whether they are playing a video game, just horsing around or being loud. I imagine she is overreacting (as I have in the past). I hope "Ok" is good too! I wish they would ask.

I wish it were that easy, but I have talked to her twice, once about 6 mos ago when Billy was staying overnight. And about 6 weeks ago, when we arrived at another friend's house to pick them up. So nothing casual about our relationship.

I will see what he comes home with today.

Update: Well, yesterday Mom took George to the pysch center to have him admitted. They told her to start taking anger management classes and that her son was a healthy teen. According to what my son says that George said. So maybe the lady really is a bit off her rocker. I don't know. Teens!!! When do we stop worrying about them?

Wow that does sound bizzare! I'm not sure how I would handle a situation like that. Your son sounds like a very responsible teenager, I think maybe I would wait until you have more information from you son!

ann marie I dont know anything about teenagers, didnt even when I was one...but I wanted to send you a and tell you that you are a great mom, and that following your instincts is probably the right way to go alway.....
hope things turn around

Thanks everyone! Yes living with teenagers it is a new adventure every day!!!