I give up!, warning-link inside is about VA tech,etc

*warning* link below is a blog on anti-depressants and VA tech, as well as others.

I posted how two weeks ago Dh and I went to couples counseling and one thing mentioned in the session by the doctor is that maybe I should start up my anti-dep meds again. I explained to her that Dh was completely against them and made feel stupid for wanting to go back on them. He turned around and admitted to that in the doc office but at the end of the session agreed that he would be supportive of me taking them, etc. YEAH RIGHT! I got this email from him last night (I was at work) saying he really thinks I should read this link and thinks I should find something more "natural" to take instead. He fears for our children's safety if I decide to take the anti-dep med.

I'm just so upset at him right now I could spit! We have another couples counseling appointment today and you bet I'm saying something about it. I couldn't even talk to him about this after I read the email I was so angry.

This post has been edited by coasterqueen on Apr 25 2007, 07:47 AM

I couldn't get the link to work.
Is there some information you can give him to educate him on the subject a little more? Why doesn't he fear for his children's safety of you DON"T take the meds? Why are husbands so frustrating?

The link didn't work for me

Ok, try the link now. It will explain why he's said what he's said.

Oh gee Karen, no wonder you are mad!!!!

Oh Karen, the link doesn't work but I can imagine what it says. If it was about VA, that man was not mildly depressed, he was psychotic and severely mentally ill. Many many people have this fear of antidepressants, my brother included, they have seen the 1 out of 10,000 people that had an adverse reaction to the medications..even then they were often being treated for something more sever than mild/moderate depression. What a good therapist or psychologist can do and I think it helps a lot of people is explain to him how the medication works..how it builds a bridge where one has been broken, that depression does not have just a simple wish-it-away kind of solution, untreated depression makes it hard to make the easy every day decisions and to see around the corners with a clear head. It is hard for other people to understand (but it wouldn't surprise me if Ryan would benefit from them too--if I remember correctly he has just self medicated in other ways) Medication just helps to get you "unstuck" sometimes. There are natural ways to get through this...the studies show that medication alone is somewhat effective, therapy alone is somewhat effective but the combination of the 2 is most effective. Both Jon and I have been on medication (anxiety related) for awhile

Karen,
first of all, dr mercola is a bit of a freak...i've subscribed to his newsletters in the past and he's much more into alternative medicine and generally is against what doctors typically recommend so his opinion is just that--his opinion.
secondly, he sells krill oil and pushes it as if it were God's gift to humanity so it's awfully convenient IMO that suddenly it's now a cure for depression...he's passed it off as a cure for all sorts of things from weight gain to joint problems in the past.
thirdly, while there may be a number of people on anti-depressants who've had adverse reactions idk if it's really considered to be statistically significant when you consider the high number of people overall who take these meds and have no adverse reactions. someone who goes into a school and starts shooting is clearly very disturbed and was likely put on these meds by a mother, guardian or doctor but these meds aren't designed to treat psychopathology beyond basic depression and anxiety so it's unlikely IMO that the drugs caused the reaction but rather that the psychotic person was being treated for his depression with those drugs and they did not cover the other mental/emotional problems the person had, kwim?
your husband needs to research these things a little more...learn a little about dr mercola first of all and also consider cause and effect...taking paxil does not make one psychotic but if one is psychotic and happens to be on paxil it won't stop him/her from acting out on his/her psychotic impulses.
i'm sorry you're having to go thru this, i think if you want to get back on meds then that is your decision and no one should make you feel like doing so would suddenly make you a threat to your kids.

I will say what your dh did was incredibly insensitive and maybe should have brought it up in therapy in a bit more diplomative way. I can see his apprehensivemess with it after reading such an article, after all it even scared me knowing that I was on some of those drugs. He has to remember though that these were extreme cases. I think he needs to learn how to be more sensitive to the issue. Good Luck tonight.

I'm sorry sweetie I would have been angry too!!! I hope your couseling session goes well tonight!!

Oh Karen, I'm so sorry Ryan is being this way. I could write an epic about how he and his good Dr Mercola are seriously misinformed, but I suspect nothing anyone says will sway his views at this point in time. He and Tom Cruise ought to go out on the talk show circuit. I think the first thing you need to remind him is that the link was posted by a guy who clearly stands to benefit economically by legions of people throwing their SSRIs out and migrating to his snake oil instead. A drug is a drug is a drug. Herbal supplements are no more "natural" than pharmeceuticals- the taker is still ingesting something in an effort to alter his state of mind- why is one more morally superior or safer than another? There are no studies about this guy's remedies- how is Ryan so sure they are indeed safe, and more importantly, effective?
Look Karen, feel free to have Ryan pm about paxil. I have been on it for over 13 yrs, and have suffered none of the violent side effects mentioned in that link. My personal belief is that drugs cannot suddenly create an impulse that wasn't there to begin with. In other words, if someone has violent tendencies before they take the meds, the chances are good that they will resurface in some way with or without the meds. If you are an anxious person before you take the drugs, then the chances are good that those types of symptoms will again surface with or without the drugs. These types of meds don't turn you into another person- they don't change your personality, they don't make you feel high, euphoric, manic, or anything of the sort. They simply push some of the dysfuncional thoughts to the side so you can focus on more productive thoughts. You will still be Karen, but more likely the Karen he fell in love with, not the one suffering before him now. Why would he be against that??
Drugs are drugs. They all have side effects, including alcohol, you might remind him. In my experience, paxil has some minor effects that are transient and only present for the 4-6 wks that your body is acclimating to them. For me, that included a mild sense of edginess, similiar to drinking too much coffee, some insomnia, night sweats, a change in the types of dreams I have, and a diminished sex drive. But after a month or so, that all disappears and I start to feel like myself again, the me I want to be. Granted, everyone's physiology is unique, and different drugs and dosages have different effects on different people. Maybe the VA Tech kid wasn't taking his meds properly, or was on the wrong meds altogether. He clearly had more serious issues than your garden variety depression/anxiety. To hold him up as a failure of these medications is a non sequitor. Some people never get better- but you are not one of those people Karen- your struggles are pretty mild on the continuum, kwim?
Ryan does not need to sign on for you to get better. You have an obligation to your kids and yourself to be the best person you are capable of being. If that includes medication, so be it. Stop looking for his approval or his consent- you may never get it. Is his attitude infuriating- yes, is his negativity a big part of your problem, perhaps, but don't let it get in the way of your journey back to wellness. Just do what you know is right for you, and he will see the evidence before his eyes eventually.
And if he still doesn't, I'd respectfully suggest that maybe there's more going on with him than he cares to admit to either you or the therapist. If he wants to be a supportive husband, he'd back you up whether he personally believes in what you're doing or not. It's YOUR body, not his. Next time he goes to the dr and needs this med or that, tell him to ask Dr Mercola's permisson first.
Pm me if you want, Karen. I'm sorry he's being this way.

WOW I want to slap your husband right now. Antidepressants are not to blame for the massacre, it's the people who continually received complaints about him, who were afraid of him, and who all did nothing about it!

There is such a stigma about antidepressants, and it's sad. I can honestly say, I would not be able to function, take care of my daughter, basically get out of bed, without the one I am on - it works well for me and I'm using it in conjunction with counseling and communication with my GP. There is nothing to be ashamed of, if you need AD's and I suspect your husband is using this as a scare tactic to get you to reconsider going on them - shame shame shame on him!

I hope things get better for you I would have been mad to.

I am with you on this one 100% - very well said....

Karen - take care of yourself first - its the best way to ensure you are a good mother and a good wife

I don't want to start a whole debate on this but I don't think you can blame these people either - who ever would have thought that this kid would go and do what he did - depressed or not, stalker or not, strange or not - it isn't human nature to think the very very worst of people.............

Karen.... tell your husband that taking synthetic drugs to get yourself back to normal is along the same lines as having to work at a company in order to live off the land. If Ryan wasn't working, would you all be able to survive? Probably...but it may be a worse lifestyle for you and your loved ones.... Can you survive without the drugs? Sure... but it may be harder to live without them than to be miserable all the time. It's a stretch... but we all have to do un-natural things sometimes in order to be ale to be the best we can be, whether it's leading a fake natural life by working rather than "living off nature" or taking meds to help rather than having a lack of some hormone or whatever.

Maybe someone can explain my thought a little better... it sounds right in french in my head... lol

You gotta do what you gotta do for you first.

So, out of curiosity, if he were God forbid diagnosed with cancer would he not take the drugs? I'm sorry Karen, it's the same as needing meds for any other condition, plain and simple. I don't mean to be rude but opinions like that are purely uneducated and a big reason so many people still don't seek the help they need.

I hope you got somewhere in counseling today. I can tell you I would have lost it, personally, and have as a matter of fact, over this very type of discussion.

again, i totally agree with Jeanne.

i am sorry Ryan is being a jerk. i hope you make some headway in your next session or even before. he seems to be so hung up an stigmas attached with things, he is ignoring the fact that you are the one suffering through this. you need his support, not his politics.

i am always here to talk.

Thanks everyone. I appreciate all your support more than you'll ever know.