Advice for 11 year old girl

[Matthew82]

Advice for my friends, Elisabeth (11 year old girl) and Monica (her mother)

(main issue to fix in this topic is Elisabeth)

I am good friends with Elisabeth and Monica and Monica is married to her husband Joey. But Monica and Joeys marriage is broken and they don’t love each other anymore and have moved on from each other but cant afford a divorce and live in the same house. Its been about 7 years since they lost there love for each other. And there daughter is stuck in the middle of it and it is really starting to effect Elisabeth now that she is growing up and starting to understand what’s going on. When she didn’t know how to handle the stress from the fights and stress of what goes on she use to hit her legs and punish her legs. She felt like in control after that. She doesn’t do that anymore but she is now more violent more towards her mom and dad and sometimes throws things. They ground her from TV or take things away that she likes or also sometimes cut her allowance money some but the daughter still acts up sometimes. Her mom has a bad disease has only has very few left years to live. And what her daughter is doing is that she doesn’t want to accept that and hides it from others and is struggling with that. And her father isn’t the greatest influence on her. He doesn’t take care of her that well and sometimes ignore her. He doesn’t handle any of the situations and doesn’t want to so he pushes the mess on her mother and makes her mom look like the bad guy. There daughter doesn’t want to talk to them about what going on with her and hides it. Elisabeth is struggling and is sad and deals some of the situations with anger. Such as throwing things or talking back badly and yelling. And her mother can only do so much cause of her disease. Monica’s disease is where her body is breaking down and only about 40% of her lung is working and goes down in percent from there as time goes further. Its at the point where Monica doesn’t know what to do anymore cause Elisabeth is getting out of control and her father Joey is no help at all. He just goes to his room and puts the pressure on Monica the mother and make her look like she’s the bad one. Some of it is that Elisabeth is becoming a teen but some of it is more then that. She doesn’t know how to deal with the situations. She is pushing her parents away from her life further and further. Elisabeth doesn’t want to talk to others about how her mom is dying from disease and hides it from others. Its getting to the point of where they may take her to counseling possibly. She acts up a lot and throws fits everyday and doesn’t always do the chores she is suppose to do and then gets in more trouble for not doing them. Elisabeth does do good in school though and gets good grades so there isn’t any problems there. My friend Monica is deeply concerned and worried about Elisabeth as I am as well. She can be a good kid at times, just has attitude and concerned. Elisabeth doesn’t talk about her mother disease about her mother dying to anyone or her mom and Monica is concerned about that and winder why she keeps that to herself. So if anyone can please give me advice for Elisabeth and Monica. Please let me know. Monica is looking for answers. And is depressed on how her daughter is been for awhile.

[Matthew82]

Can someone give me advice please? Have lots of views but nobody is replying on here.

[PrairieMom]

I don't really have any advice. Sorry. As a 3rd person on the outside, there really isn't much you can do, and as for what the mother can do, I'm not sure. I would say for her to move out, get out of the toxic situation, they are not modeling what healthy relationships look like for her daughter. But, if she is so sick, probably not going to happen , unless she had a friend who could take her in, and help her out.

[grapfruit]

It sounds like Elisabeth needs somebody to talk to. If her parents allow, you could even take her to a councilor. Check out some local churches we have one close that has a full therapy dept and if you can't pay you don't.

Also. Try and take Elisabeth out of the situation as much as possible. Include her and let her know she can talk to you.