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Our Lil' Family |
Posted: Feb 10 2009, 05:56 AM
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![]() We're a Who Dat family! ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() Group: Moderators Posts: 4,458 Member No.: 2,459 Joined: 9-September 05 ![]() |
I'm having a hard time right now with a close family member who has yet to acknowledge our loss. It upsets me greatly that she hasn't called, emailed, sent a card, texted, NOTHING, I know she knows. How do I deal with this animosity I feel towards her? I can't write her off, I will always have to see her/have a relationship with her.
-------------------- Naomi, Wife to Tim & Mommy to Thomas (7) and Andrew (2)
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coasterqueen |
Posted: Feb 10 2009, 06:29 AM
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![]() Diamond Member ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() Group: Members Posts: 27,917 Member No.: 236 Joined: 4-August 03 ![]() |
Maybe she doesn't know how to approach you on it. It can be hard on both sides. I know when a close friend of mine (we were pg at the same time) and she lost her baby I really didn't know how to handle it or what to say. It took me awhile before I could approach her and tell her I was sorry for her loss.
I have no clue why for sure your family member is acting that way, but it's possible he/she doesn't know how to express it to you. ![]() -------------------- ~*Karen*~
wife to hubby, Ryan Douglas mommy to Kylie (9) and Megan (6.5) and furbabies Gavin, Buster, Sox, and Hailey |
gr33n3y3z |
Posted: Feb 10 2009, 06:31 AM
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![]() Doin Good :~ ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() Group: Moderators Posts: 15,274 Member No.: 822 Joined: 13-October 04 ![]() |
Awww Naomi
![]() ![]() ![]() Maybe she just doesnt know what to say hun but I understand a simple card or a text would be a huge diff. to you Dont take it as she dont care some ppl. just cant deal so them saying nothing is best for them. ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() -------------------- Wife to Ed (Redchief)
Mom to Rick,John,Erin and Kaitlin "Believe 100% in what you see believe 50% of what read and none of what you hear" |
mummy2girls |
Posted: Feb 10 2009, 06:31 AM
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Thinking of you Spencer! ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() Group: Members Posts: 12,708 Member No.: 156 Joined: 4-May 03 ![]() |
It can be hard ... For some people its hard for them to bring stuff up because they are afraid they will hurt you or make you cry. She probably feels bad and such but just not sure if she should just bring it up. Just try to ignore it. It will just make what your feeling worse and resentment will kick in. I went through that alot with family. mine was when they stopped talking about the baby just days after the loss and oohing over the new baby my brother had. Its a difficult time and maby you have to make the first move in order for her to know you are ok about talking about it. That you just need a hug or talk.
(((HUGS))) -------------------- |
moped |
Posted: Feb 10 2009, 07:28 AM
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![]() Ruby Member ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() Group: Members Posts: 13,078 Member No.: 1,035 Joined: 5-December 04 ![]() |
Could she be uncomfortable and not know what to say and think saying nothing is better? It can be hard to call soemone who has suffered what you have.......my cousin had a still born at 40 weeks and it took me a month or more to get the courage to call her........I didn't know what to say or how to help.
I hope you are feeling better. ![]() ![]() -------------------- ![]() |
Maddie&EthansMom |
Posted: Feb 10 2009, 07:41 AM
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![]() Diamond Member ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() Group: Moderators Posts: 16,534 Member No.: 235 Joined: 30-July 03 ![]() |
Naomi I'm so sorry.
![]() I love you. Call me if you need/want to talk. ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() |
~Roo'sMama~ |
Posted: Feb 10 2009, 08:53 AM
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![]() My two cuties :) ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() Group: Members Posts: 7,394 Member No.: 788 Joined: 29-September 04 ![]() |
I have BTDT.
![]() ![]() I don't have any great advice as far as how to deal with it because I never really did. ![]() ![]() ![]() -------------------- |
MommyToAshley |
Posted: Feb 10 2009, 09:08 AM
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![]() Happy Spring! ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() Group: Administrators Posts: 27,473 Member No.: 2 Joined: 8-February 03 ![]() |
People avoided the subject with me completely and seemed to feel uncomfortable whenever I brought it up. I do remember feeling very angry that everyone just wanted to forget and move on, no one wanted to acknowledge my baby. I think some just don't know what to say or how to say it so they say nothing at all.
I never did confront those that made me feel as though they didn't care, but I think if you do you may find out that this person does care but doesn't know what to say or do. Naomi, I am sorry for all that you are going through. I know we don't replace family or friends, but we're pretty good listeners if you want to talk. ![]() -------------------- |
Kaitlin'smom |
Posted: Feb 10 2009, 09:18 AM
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![]() Graceland ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() Group: Moderators Posts: 23,956 Member No.: 32 Joined: 5-March 03 ![]() |
![]() -------------------- Di ~ mommy to Kaitlin wife to David
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DVFlyer |
Posted: Feb 10 2009, 09:23 AM
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Just a man ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() Group: Members Posts: 2,733 Member No.: 1,368 Joined: 10-February 05 ![]() |
I agree with the above posts that say sometimes people just don't know what to say or how to say it... after all, it IS a very sensitive topic.
To answer your question about how to deal with this animosity towards this person, you need to figure out why you feel the way you do. i.e. what makes you feel angry, sad, etc about her not reacting or responding to your situation. I would be happy to expand on it more (but am worried, because of the subject matter, that it may not come out right ) I could PM you if you like. -------------------- Convincing the world that the only way to solve the ongoing issues while raising children is PERSISTENCE. You have to keep trying things and not give up........ they eventually go away on their own. ;-)
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CantWait |
Posted: Feb 10 2009, 11:11 AM
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![]() Diamond Member ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() Group: Members Posts: 20,387 Member No.: 28 Joined: 1-March 03 ![]() |
![]() ![]() ![]() I wish I had an answer for ya hun. -------------------- |
Our Lil' Family |
Posted: Feb 10 2009, 12:42 PM
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![]() We're a Who Dat family! ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() Group: Moderators Posts: 4,458 Member No.: 2,459 Joined: 9-September 05 ![]() |
Thank you all very much for the kind words. I suppose she could possibly not know what to say, I certainly didn't before I went through this myself. I guess I just expect too much. I can't talk to Tim about it because he never wants to make waves in the family, so I'm supposed to just let it roll off my back. Ironically enough it's him that I wish she would call, not even me, it's part of his family. It bothers me more than it bothers him. Guess I should just let it roll off my back. I know I need to let this feeling go, it just hit me hard today for some reason.
-------------------- Naomi, Wife to Tim & Mommy to Thomas (7) and Andrew (2)
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luvmykids |
Posted: Feb 10 2009, 01:08 PM
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![]() Diamond Member ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() Group: Members Posts: 19,113 Member No.: 3,038 Joined: 3-January 06 ![]() |
I think it's one of the ups and downs after a loss like yours ![]() ![]() ![]() My SIL had a miscarriage, I took flowers to her and as soon as I saw her started bawling. I felt like such a jerk because, until then, she'd been having a GOOD day ![]() |
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~Roo'sMama~ |
Posted: Feb 10 2009, 02:30 PM
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![]() My two cuties :) ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() Group: Members Posts: 7,394 Member No.: 788 Joined: 29-September 04 ![]() |
I have felt that way too lots of times. I have a hard time knowing what to do because I want them to know that I'm thinking of them, that I care and that I'm willing to listen if they need to talk, but what if they are having a good day and not even thinking of it right now and I bring them down? So there have been times when I've wanted to say something and haven't. But I would never just keep absolutely silent - it's a hard thing to bring up but I always want my friends to know I care. The same thing actually happened to me after my M/C ~ I was having a good day... well a good couple of hours anyway, it was too soon for good whole days. I was about to go shopping with Jennifer to occupy my mind and a friend brought me a flower just before we left. I cried about it later, but at the time I just thanked him and was fine. Later I was worried that he would think I wasn't even all that sad about it because I didn't start crying or something... funny how we always worry about what people think, no matter what side of the situation we're on. -------------------- |
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redchief |
Posted: Feb 10 2009, 07:25 PM
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![]() Platinum Member ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() Group: Moderators Posts: 8,629 Member No.: 800 Joined: 5-October 04 ![]() |
Naomi, I'm sorry you're feeling that way. I know this may not be something you even want to think about, but perhaps this person doesn't understand the depth of your loss. Unless you have been through it, sometimes it's difficult for others to feel the emotion and emptiness as you feel. It doesn't mean that they're insensitive... it could be that she simply doesn't understand.
-------------------- Ed is husband to Lisa (since 1983) Dad to Ricky, John, Erin and Kaitlin The Administrators of the Parenting Club take trolls and violators of the Terms of Service Agreement seriously. Please report any suspicions to the Moderators. Report a post using the "report" button in the upper right corner of the offending post. |
mariesmom |
Posted: Mar 16 2009, 01:10 PM
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Newbie ![]() Group: Members Posts: 4 Member No.: 22,416 Joined: 16-March 09 ![]() |
I understand why you are upset. I had a similiar situation, unfortunately a lot of my family deals with issues by not talking about them or acting like it didn't happen. I have no idea if this applies to your family, but it might be good to ask them or start the communication with them if they are not sure how.
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CantWait |
Posted: Mar 17 2009, 06:09 AM
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![]() Diamond Member ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() Group: Members Posts: 20,387 Member No.: 28 Joined: 1-March 03 ![]() |
You know going back to this again, I have a friend that has yet to acknowledge mine (the girls who's wedding I'm in this summer), or acknowledge the fact that I'm pregnant again for that fact. I just put it up to sometimes people are in their own little world (I know she is) and there's nothing I can do about it.
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